Velociworld

Tuco Bleg

I'm republishing a post from 9/03, not because I have nothing new to say, but because no one answered the first time around. I want the rest of Tuco's crimes. That's what I'm about these days. Spackling in the ellipses of my life:

TUCO'S CRIMES

Yeah, I know I border on obsession with The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly on this site, but so what? At least I'm fixating on a film Kurosawa would have given both nuts to make. That means something, I think; and whoever mentions three guys in a three-way with their six-inchers in their hands is gonna be banned from here with extreme prejudice.

The question? Ah, yes. How many crimes was Tuco convicted of? Hard to say. The first hanging is pretty straightforward:

"Wanted in fourteen counties of this State, the condemned is found guilty of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks, and post offices; the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit money, and contrary to the laws of this State the condemned is guilty of using marked cards and loaded dice..."

The next hanging is problematic because there are several conversations going on in the foreground; the litany of crimes is very indistinct in the background. What I hear?

"Wanted in fifteen counties, standing before us, ah, sitting before us, Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez, has been found guilty by the District Circuit Court of the following crimes: murder, assaulting a Justice of the Peace, raping a virgin of the white race, statutory rape of a minor of the black race, derailing a train in order to rob the passengers, ... robbery, highway robbery, robbing an unknown number of post offices, breaking out of a ..., counterfeiting and passing counterfeit money, and the accused... promoting prostitution ...high places of authority... illegal postal pick up... intention of selling black fugitive slaves... the sheriff in Sonora... hired himself out as guide on a wagon train, after receiving his payment in advance, he deserted the wagon train in the hunting grounds of the Sioux Indians... misrepresenting himself as a Mexican general in order to receive a salary and living allowance from the Union Army..."

That's all I can catch. The ellipses represent garbled crimes, but with Leone dead I'll have to find a script.

Or a life. The latter would be easier, eh what?

BTW: There will be multiple viewings of the film in my room at the Grovel in the Golden Isles, April 2005.

Update: Neanderpundit points us to this fellow, who seems to have a version of sorts, but what about the wagon train and the Sioux Indians?:

Hangman: "....wanted in fourteen counties of this state, the condemned is found guilty of crimes of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks and post offices; the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit money and contrary to the laws of this state the condemned is guilty of using marked cards and loaded dice. Therefore, according to the powers vested in us, we sentence the accused before us, Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez and any other aliases he might have, to hang by the neck until dead....may god have mercy on his soul....proceed."

next Hangman: "....wanted in fifteen counties of this state, the condemned standing before us...sitting before us...Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez has been found guilty by the third district circuit court of the following crimes: Murder, assaulting a justice of the peace, raping a virgin of the white race, statuatory rape of a minor of the black race...derailing a train in order to rob the passengers, bank robbery, highway robbery, robbing an unknown number of Post Offices, breaking out of the state prison, using marked cards and loaded dice, promoting prostitution, blackmail, intention of selling fugitive slaves, and counterfeiting. Crimes against places of high authority include burning down the courthouse and sheriff's office in Sonora. The accused is also guilty of cattle rustling, horse thievery, supplying Indians with firearms...misrepresenting himself as a Mexican General, unlawfully drawing salarly and living allowances from the Union Army. For all these crimes the accused has made a full and spontaneous confession. Therefore we condemn him to be hung by the neck until dead....may the lord have mercy on his soul....proceed."

Posted by Velociman at December 31, 2004 9:58 AM