April 19, 2008

Brown is the New Black...

...and I'm not talking about the recent improvements in the quality of my bowel movements. Although that's been king hell cool. I'd love to tell you about it. Call me.

No, I'm referring to the glorious transracial blessings our future Overlord, His High Yellow Highness, Obamulatto, has bestowed upon us. Now, I don't cling to religion. If I do invoke the Deity's name it's probably in the form of blasphemy, I'm ashamed to say. You have a close relationship with God? Me, too! Way too close at times.

I do cling to my guns, however. As I watch Fox Business News or Stuart Varney I mutter to myself It's all their fault. Makes my finger trigger itchy, itchy. Ever jerk off a four inch barrel? I didn't think so. Anyway, looka here:

Here's my grandbabies, Cute, huh? We all know Black is Beautiful, but Black is also Boring. Look at those grips. Black, black, black. Boring. I'm not even a big fan of tactical combat grips in general. Don't blow my dirndl up, if you know what I mean. I wanted something else. A melding of the post-racial in a mercenocoital statement even Obamiscegeny would approve of. Look at my .45 now:

Way mo bettah, eh? Some nice bocote wood, evocative of Tyra "I'd Bunk That" Banks, I think.

Now behold the pimped up .357:

Derek Jetery, I thinks to myself. And look how good it matches the holster:

Why, that's like a perfect blending of Halle Berry and Blair Underwood. That's why I call that my Hallewood rig.

I'm proud. I feel like part of the Great Movement now (cf. my first paragraph). And I'm sure Obamixedblood would agree. In fact, I'd like to send him these pictures, but alas, I fear his campaign would misunderstand. And I don't want Jeremiah Wright pounding the podium saying "Not God Bless Velociman! God Damn Velociman!" That would hurt my feelings. And my mama raised such a sensitive boy.

I may send them anyway. My small effort in the national conversation on race. And you never know. I'll bet Obama even has Tyra's phone number.

Posted by Velociman at 8:58 AM | Comments (30) | TrackBack

April 15, 2008

Flirtin' With Disaster

This guy makes miniature nickel castings of landmark sites in his Buildings of Disaster series.

Here's the Texas School Book Depository:


How fucking sweet is that?

I'm thinking a Lorraine Motel and a Chernobyl reactor would look pretty goddam hinky on the Shelf of Shame. Probably pass on the Neverland Ranch, though.

This guy's a Rooski, too. We have to close the Disaster Miniatures Gap pronto! The barbarous Slavs are kicking our asses here.

Thanks to Belinda.

Oh, yeah. Obligatory Molly Hatchet vid:

Posted by Velociman at 10:00 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack