August 29, 2012

Pop! Goes The Weasel

I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist. You've read that here before. The true conspiracies are the ones you never heard about. President McKinley was killed by an anarchist named Czolgosz, for instance. CZOLGOSZ! Do you think that guy wasn't an Imperial Commander from the planet Krypton, sent as a probe to check our resolve? Fools. You fret about birth certificates? I, for one, would like to exhume McKinley. See what manner of projectile actually slayed the man. Czolgosz, indeed.

I don't believe in the obvious conspiracies, you see. The ones they want you to hear about. I, for instance, believe JFK was assassinated by a crazed communist loner at the behest of the Mob, and Ted Kennedy had George Wallace shot in Laurel, Maryland. Just like everyone else. I'm mainstream like that.

Here's the thing, though. Rough people do rough stuff. Barack Obama is a rough guy. Not a tough guy, mind you. He wears mom jeans, rides a girl bike, and wears a bike helmet with a visor. You don't have a visor on your helmet unless you are crashing through serious underbrush dirt biking. Otherwise you're just protecting your nose from sunburn. Obama cannot throw a baseball like a guy, and he can't even sink a hoop shot. Obama Can't Jump. But he is a rough guy. He Knows People.

I'm not prepared to say what I believe he is going to pull for an October Surprise yet. You would think me daft. But hark! He doesn't play the tough guy well. He's tried it, and looks the pussy he is. Obama's strength lies in his ability to make you feel sorry for him. Wah. Wah. Wah. He's every mother's nightmare. Not the son who comes home with cuts and bruises and doesn't care to talk about them. The son who comes home with a little sliver in his finger, and need mommy to take it out and kiss his boo-boo and make it all right.

So Obama will not play the tough guy card. Syria, as I had earlier surmised, is off the table. Any foreign expedition is off the table. Obama, the guy in the mom jeans, the spastic kid who can't throw a fucking baseball, needs you to feel he is imperiled. He is in jeopardy. This creation of a sense of helplessness, this bleat for succor and need, is Obama's greatest strength. It shall be exploited.

The only other thing I'm going to say this early in the game is, if I'm Joe Biden or Eric Holder, and I value my brain pan, I'm not going to be within 2 statute miles of Barack Obama for the last 10 days of the campaign. Causes need martyrs, and omelettes need eggs. And no one on this planet, other than his kids and wife, would miss Joe Biden. That, that sea anchor that continually embarrasses our great Richelieu.

P.S. You realize heavy duty tin foil isn't twice as strong as regular tin foil. It's a completely different beast! Ten-fold power. Even Cylons can't penetrate that shit. My modest opinion.


Posted by Velociman at August 29, 2012 8:31 PM | TrackBack
Comments

There will be no October Surprise, or at least not as we know them. There might be a weak, impotent and flaccid attempt at one. But it will not even remotely come close to succeeding.

Obama is throwing the race.

Posted by: Randy Rager at August 29, 2012 11:17 PM

I think it is more the race had thrown Fauxbama. The internet and the obvious, like $4 gas has gotten between him and his sycophants. Too many see the totally empty shirt, the girly man in it and the angry wookie shoving him along. All he wants now is a nice sinecure trying to indoctrinate collegs student in the wondrous benefits of Marxism. With any justice whatever, they will laugh at him and demand their tuition back so they can take useful classes in Womyn's Studies so they can get their own sinecures. Unfortunately, Fauxbama's Monetary policies have reduced the value of the dollar to nearly the Turkish Lira of ten years ago. Zip, Zilch, Nada.
Soon a single .22 cartridge will buy a dozen eggs, while a dollar won't buy one.

Gerry N.

Posted by: Gerry N. at August 30, 2012 5:11 AM

Were that Romney was Washingtonian. George had a legendary temper. I have a mental image of him standing on the dais on Inauguration Day, and pointing his long arm in a direction leading out of town as he stares down the Indo-Kenyan. "Go Sir, you are not wanted here."

Posted by: Casca at August 30, 2012 5:59 AM

I agree with Randy, Obama wants to lose. He never wanted a job that requires work and the next few years are going to be worse than the last few years. Obama doesn't want what is coming to fall on him, he and the other democrats want it to fall on the republicans.

I do think the woman Obama's strength is for you to feel sorry for him is a interesting idea.

Posted by: Mark at August 30, 2012 6:25 AM

I'm more interested in the sausage-making that went on at the RNC's shut-down of Ron Paul-bots. It was a strong-arm Wisconsin Mafia pulled by the WI Triumvirate of Romney, Ryan, and Reince. While properly outraged at the unfairness of it, I'm glad to see these boys have ice-water in their veins. They're gonna need it if they win.

Republicans who understand what a power-grab looks like amongst their own rarely translate it into a power-grab from their opponents. They rarely know what power is for, once they obtain it. Obama has shown them how it's done. And it may take an equal amount of extra-Constitutional manipulation to restore order.

I'm still sayin' it: Obama doesn't act like a man who's worried about getting re-elected; and I can take that to mean a whole lot of interesting things.

Posted by: Joan Of Argghh! at August 30, 2012 8:05 AM

Joan: Obama doesn't act like a man who knows what side the fly on his underwear goes, and the only thing I can take that to mean is that he's dumb as a bag of hammers, an empty vessel into which a bunch of other people pour stuff.

Posted by: og at August 30, 2012 12:06 PM

He's been on a lifelong easy streak, and he's about to crap out. It won't be pretty. We'll see all the class he has, and the lack thereof will make that old pardon seller Clinton look like a statesman.

Posted by: Casca at August 30, 2012 12:10 PM

Damn dyslexia. My mind sees WI and MI interchangeably, but I note that Mitt is from MI, not WI.

So, gonna hafta be the Dairyland Despots, or the Tractor Triumvirate, I guess.

Posted by: Joan Of Argghh! at August 30, 2012 12:23 PM

V-Man, are you saying that the One will have himself assassinated so as to be martyred for the Socialist cause? One can only hope.

Posted by: at August 30, 2012 5:02 PM

I wouldn't stand too close to some of our media celebrities either. I don't think the tensile strength of their thin skulls is going to be sufficient to keep some of them them from doing the "Scanners" thing much longer.

Posted by: sherlock at August 30, 2012 5:38 PM

I'm saying that Joe Biden is completely expendable. And worth a hell of a lot more dead than alive. Of course, a grazing "wound" to Obama would be a nipple on the sundae, so to speak.

Posted by: Velociman at August 30, 2012 5:40 PM

Oh hellno

He thinks he's innit to win

But the "October Surprise" will not be sufficient to carry the day

Posted by: Cletus Socrates at August 30, 2012 9:03 PM

"Will no one rid me of this troublesome Veep?"

And we all know how that shit ends.

Posted by: zonker at August 31, 2012 12:32 PM

Joan of Argghh:

***I'm still sayin' it: Obama doesn't act like a man who's worried about getting re-elected; and I can take that to mean a whole lot of interesting things.***

My thoughts exactly. And some of those "interesting things" seem a little scary and a little crazy, until you think of Chicago....

But the observation that Obama is "rough" but not "tough" is dead. spot. on. But rough men often have tough men who do the dirty work for them. I don't think Obama is squeamish about what it takes to grab and maintain power.

Just my two cents...

Posted by: Buttercup at September 1, 2012 9:10 AM

Slew. The word is slew. There is no slayed. Jeez.

Posted by: pbird at September 4, 2012 6:29 PM

There will be no October Surprise, or at least not as we know them. There might be a weak, impotent and flaccid attempt at one. But it will not even remotely come close to succeeding. Obama is throwing the race.

Posted by: Redinger at November 3, 2012 8:17 PM

He's been on a lifelong easy streak, and he's about to crap out. It won't be pretty. We'll see all the class he has, and the lack thereof will make that old pardon seller Clinton look like a statesman.

Posted by: LaurenWatson at January 21, 2013 2:46 AM

He's been on a lifelong easy streak, and he's about to crap out. It won't be pretty. We'll see all the class he has, and the lack thereof will make that old pardon seller Clinton look like a statesman.

Posted by: Morgan at February 28, 2013 10:38 AM
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