July 31, 2012
Pulling the Lever
I voted in my primary today, and things have changed a bit since my last foray into the bowels of the franchise. I didn't vote for most of the people on the ballot for the simple reason that, being new to this area, I don't know who the hell they are. I did vote for my incumbent congressman, a kindly old physician. As opposed to the crazy old Ron Paul physician kind, who I am convinced is a meth addict. I'm not that crazy about my critter, though, because as far as I am aware the only legislation he has ever sponsored was a law to ban the sale of Playboy in overseas PX's. Most notably Iraq and Afghanistan.
Now, you may call me old-fashioned, and paint me as a rose-tinted eyeglass sort of sentimentalist, but I believe if a young fellow is in a fightin' and killin' environment, he should be able to buy a goddam whack book with his government allowance. That goes double for the female soldiers. I rather like the idea of lesbian killing machines slaying intolerant, bigoted Islamists.
Ah, but back to the voting changes. My identification was checked twice. The second time the gentleman inserted a yellow magnetic stripe voting card into a machine, swiped the bar code on the back of my license, confirmed my identity on the computer screen, and uploaded my voter information onto the yellow voter card, which I then used to cast my ballots. Easy fucking peasy.
Of course I realize intranets can be hacked, and manipulated, but not as easily as stuffing a paper ballot box with an extra 500 or so Lyndon Johnson votes in Gila Monster County, Texas. To use a casual example. By God, I'm proud to live in the Appalachian corner of a reprobate, inbred, cracker-assed state when the virtue of the vote is protected in such a manner.
For some reason I was especially proud of the fact that 5 of the 7 poll workers were African-Americans, and were just as courtly and pleasant checking my ID and handing me my Republican voting card as they were anyone else. It was a fine testament to our sense of community here. We were all civic-minded Americans in that room.
I am sure Obama would not approve. The mongrelization of our civic duty, the commingling of our shared enthusiasm for the glory of the ballot, would surely make the man dyspeptic.
And speaking of pulling the lever, which was only metaphorical for voting, I voted against casinos in the state. First, I'm not sure I can prove my Indian bloodlines to the point of scoring a piece of that sweet action. Although I, too, have high cheekbones. In addition, I'm rather swarthy, I cannot handle my firewater, and I have partaken of the peyote. I consider these serious bona fides. Second, convincing a hot but slightly insane woman to take you to Vegas is something of an under the radar right of passage for us over-the-hill boys.
Don't take that away from me!
I think you handle firewater decently - you're disqualified as an injun
Posted by: Cletus Socrates at July 31, 2012 8:34 PMCasinos are always a bad idea. Especially for redskin injuns. The money don't cut down on the number of appliances out on the front yard none.
Posted by: vanderleun at July 31, 2012 9:17 PMWaitasecond. Remember, I'm a Canadian and something of a simpleton. What's the difference between a yellow voter card and a ballot?
I get cards in the mail that I present with my ID (funnily enough, usually my Ontario health card since I'm too drunk to drive and live in a place where the traffic is shitty, anyhow) and then I'm given a ballot. But there's no "uploading" of my information from my ID to anything.
What I'm getting at is, if there's no difference between a ballot and a voter card, are you really casting a secret ballot?
Also, the "smoke-filled rooms" and ballot box stuffing is something that your country should really think about going back to. Seems to me that they created a better breed of politician.
Say what you will about LBJ, but he understood government better, and was just plain smarter than almost everyone that popular primaries have produced subsequently. Also, he strived mightily to avoid the disgrace of a $100 billion budget.
Lastly, why is it that the people most stridently opposed to casinos and online gaming are always the same folks who freak the fuck out when you suggest that the cocksucker banks shouldn't be betting with customer's deposit money?
Posted by: skippystalin at August 1, 2012 11:44 AMWTF? More Canadian goddam foreigners sneaking in across the lake to post comments? Someone's asleep at the Cleveland Coast Guard Station. And probably Fairport Harbor, too.
Posted by: Cappy at August 1, 2012 7:55 PMSkippy, they appeared to be collecting the ballots for degaussing later. I'm actually more concerned that a vote get cast honestly on the front end than whether a poll worker bother s to see how I voted.
And you know full well that LBJ didn't get that budget under $100 billion to avoid "disgrace." That was the price Byrd demanded to release the budget bill for passage so that LBJ could get civil rights on the floor last, where it could not be held up by other legislation. Besides, just because LBJ stole his first Senate race doesn't mean I hate him.
Finally, I was making a joke about the casinos. I generally don't believe in legislating vices. Although I'm pretty much in favor of pederasty laws. And most Americans who don't approve of gambling are devout Christian/evangelical types. Never met one who gave a fuck about standing up for fat-cat bankers. These are the same people who went to church on Sunday morning and silently rooted for Bonnie and Clyde precisely because they robbed banks.
But it's always nice to hear from my resident contrarian. Tomorrow we can debate my statement that the sky is generally blue.
Oh, I know that you were kidding about the casinos. Most folks aren't, which is funny.
Posted by: skippystalin at August 2, 2012 2:58 AMI wouldn't mind the casinos if they were real casinos. Instead they're ugly little ersatz places where you can't shoot craps, and everybody is old and ugly, fuck that shit.
Fuck LBJ too. I don't hate him because he stole his way to the top. I hate him because everything he touched turned to shit. LBJ was a fucking self-seeking moron, and 90% of our national problems may be directly traced to him.
Posted by: Casca at August 2, 2012 11:29 AMHey, I'm not a comment Nazi - that's fine :) Sorry. Guess I'm in a mood today. I will look that piece up. I'm too emotional to write today - I've already thrown out two posts and you all should be thankful for that. But maybe later. Thanks. Waitasecond. Remember, I'm a Canadian and something of a simpleton. What's the difference between a yellow voter card and a ballot? I get cards in the mail that I present with my ID (funnily enough, usually my Ontario health card since I'm too drunk to drive and live in a place where the traffic is shitty, anyhow) and then I'm given a ballot. But there's no "uploading" of my information from my ID to anything. What I'm getting at is, if there's no difference between a ballot and a voter card, are you really casting a secret ballot? Also, the "smoke-filled rooms" and ballot box stuffing is something that your country should really think about going back to. Seems to me that they created a better breed of politician. Say what you will about LBJ, but he understood government better, and was just plain smarter than almost everyone that popular primaries have produced subsequently. Also, he strived mightily to avoid the disgrace of a $100 billion budget. Lastly, why is it that the people most stridently opposed to casinos and online gaming are always the same folks who freak the fuck out when you suggest that the cocksucker banks shouldn't be betting with customer's deposit money?
Posted by: RichSchmidt at October 25, 2012 7:44 AMOh, I know that you were kidding about the casinos. Most folks aren't, which is funny.
Posted by: Smith at January 8, 2013 7:22 AMHey, I'm not a comment Nazi - that's fine :) Sorry. Guess I'm in a mood today. I will look that piece up. I'm too emotional to write today - I've already thrown out two posts and you all should be thankful for that. But maybe later. Thanks. Waitasecond. Remember, I'm a Canadian and something of a simpleton. What's the difference between a yellow voter card and a ballot? I get cards in the mail that I present with my ID (funnily enough, usually my Ontario health card since I'm too drunk to drive and live in a place where the traffic is shitty, anyhow) and then I'm given a ballot. But there's no "uploading" of my information from my ID to anything. What I'm getting at is, if there's no difference between a ballot and a voter card, are you really casting a secret ballot? Also, the "smoke-filled rooms" and ballot box stuffing is something that your country should really think about going back to. Seems to me that they created a better breed of politician. Say what you will about LBJ, but he understood government better, and was just plain smarter than almost everyone that popular primaries have produced subsequently. Also, he strived mightily to avoid the disgrace of a $100 billion budget. Lastly, why is it that the people most stridently opposed to casinos and online gaming are always the same folks who freak the fuck out when you suggest that the cocksucker banks shouldn't be betting with customer's deposit money?
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Posted by: baireiri at January 21, 2013 12:27 AMI think you handle firewater decently - you're disqualified as an injun
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Posted by: Flockawps at March 3, 2013 10:01 PMHey, I'm not a comment Nazi - that's fine :) Sorry. Guess I'm in a mood today. I will look that piece up. I'm too emotional to write today - I've already thrown out two posts and you all should be thankful for that. But maybe later. Thanks. Waitasecond. Remember, I'm a Canadian and something of a simpleton. What's the difference between a yellow voter card and a ballot? I get cards in the mail that I present with my ID (funnily enough, usually my Ontario health card since I'm too drunk to drive and live in a place where the traffic is shitty, anyhow) and then I'm given a ballot. But there's no "uploading" of my information from my ID to anything. What I'm getting at is, if there's no difference between a ballot and a voter card, are you really casting a secret ballot? Also, the "smoke-filled rooms" and ballot box stuffing is something that your country should really think about going back to. Seems to me that they created a better breed of politician. Say what you will about LBJ, but he understood government better, and was just plain smarter than almost everyone that popular primaries have produced subsequently. Also, he strived mightily to avoid the disgrace of a $100 billion budget. Lastly, why is it that the people most stridently opposed to casinos and online gaming are always the same folks who freak the fuck out when you suggest that the cocksucker banks shouldn't be betting with customer's deposit money?
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