May 18, 2012
A Twelve Poop Twilight
Yes, I know. I promised myself I would embargo Jeopardy! for it's illiberal bias. And yet when I saw Thomas Friedman, The Most Brilliant Pundit In The Universe, and Anderson Cooper, The Most Brilliant Gay Cable Talk Show Host In The Universe, were on I Bostitched my little toes to the hardwood and forced myself to watch.
The Poop Thing? Well, as I said earlier in the week, I've only considered myself the winner if I knew the answer when the three contestants did not. That's a Poop. As in:
Normally I consider myself lucky to get two Poops a game. Three against very smart high schoolers. I got 12 damned Poops against these morons tonight. Thomas Friedman is not merely a vapid lockstep liberal. He is dumber than a bag of fucking hammers.
None of the contestants knew who Lord Nelson was, even when the clue said he died at Trafalgar! None knew Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin. Fuck all, I knew this stuff at nine, and I am a product of a pellagra-riddled Jim Crow South.
I forget the other 10 Poops, but they were equally dumbed down for these idiots. The scrunt in the middle who came in last? Don't know her. Plain, no tits, don't care. She was even stupider than the feather boyz.
The next time someone quotes a Thomas Friedman article I am going to that bag of hammers that is Friedman's brain, select a nice 16 ounce framing specimen, and claw their damned brain goo out. So help me God.
Oh, yeah. Thomas Friedman's house:
Not bad for 3,000 words a week of insane scribblings extolling the virtues of the Red Chinese political model.
P.S. Now that I think about it, I had 13 Poops today, the most meaningful of which occurred at approximately 6:35AM EDT, while reading Ace on my smartphone. Texture? Affirmative. Ease? Exemplary. Hue? A little Merlot-ish. But I'll bat .666 any day. And brag to you about it.
I admit, I'm a Jeopardy junkie. I couldn't bring myself to watch Chrissie Matthews, though. The husband did and said Mr. Tingles was gratifyingly humiliated.
Posted by: PeggyU at May 18, 2012 9:12 PMHa ha ha. All contestants plus Trebek too would drop big logs in their panties if ever confronted by Ben Stein.
Posted by: Cappy at May 19, 2012 3:12 PMTaranto frequently labels F as the worst writer in the world
Posted by: Cletus Socrates at May 19, 2012 7:48 PM"feather boys"? Surely you meant fluff boys?
Posted by: Casca at May 20, 2012 12:18 AMEat some beets. That'll Merlotify your poops for ya.
Posted by: Elisson at May 20, 2012 10:21 PMI know I should be used to it by now, as should you, but I continue to share your outrage. Obviously there's not the slightest sense among journalists that they should employ some kind of even-handed standard. It's not about the credibility of the story, it's about its usefulness to the narrative. They're hacks and whores, pain and simple. Eat some beets. That'll Merlotify your poops for ya.
Posted by: inovew at November 4, 2012 4:38 PMEat some beets. That'll Merlotify your poops for ya.
Posted by: Daryltql at November 10, 2012 5:58 AMTaranto frequently labels F as the worst writer in the world
Posted by: JuanitaDingman at January 10, 2013 5:23 PMEat some beets. That'll Merlotify your poops for ya.
Posted by: faipuzzmuns at June 5, 2013 8:07 PM