Velociworld

Dude, your daughter is a fucking cheerleader!!! Surely she could introduce you to someone...

Send pics.

I hear Sandra Bullock is free.

Don't find one too terribly young. You'll end up explaining all your jokes.

Have you tried Facebook? Because surely someone on there is doing daily searches for "I'm looking for a woman with a vagina like a circus midget". Reap it!

Get Some Bread Today! Well, I suppose that's one way to keep from misplacing the grocery list. Might cause a bit of consternation in the dairy aisle when you drop trou to cross something off.

I have heard that a grocery store is a good place to meet people, though. When a big bosomed midget woman walks up to you, ponders your list, and says, "Oh! I forgot to get butter!", I hope you have a net handy. They don't make those paper shopping bags as sturdy as they used to.

Sorry, those women have already been hunted to extinction.

Vanderleun hunted them to extinction.

Iran. The women are attractive, want out, and will make you any deal you want, gratitude included.

Cheer Up - It's not necessary to obtain sexual relief and intellectual stimulation/companionship from the same source. If one has "special needs" in either category, a specialist is recommended.

In the spirit of trying to help, and to have some Velociwriting in a more permanent form, I've purchased the Kim Crawford book.

Hang tough Bruddah - you are not alone.

"the girl I often think I want . . . "

That could your problem, but I imagine you're already aware of this.

Stop wanting because desire is always for something/someone/somewhere/sometime that you do not have.

As for your intolerable state of pure boredom, my second ex-wife teetered about the same cliff edge. She just couldn't stand being bored - without restraints, anyway. We'd have to jump up and go Somewhere to do Something. At times, that leads to fun. Other times, it's just a journey without a destination because there is always more fun Somewhere Else. Always. Why not have fun where you are?

Go get you a black woman, it may change your luck.

Yeah, it has worked out so well for so many black men.

I second Guaman's advice. If you aren't finding that all-purpose emotional support and bonding/recreational fun times partner/sex freaky wildwoman in the same person, then outsource what isn't working. You seem alpha enough to be able to manage this.

"slightly addle-pated woman with the breasts of Jayne Mansfield, Tourette Syndrome, a penny lodged in the cognitive portion of her brain, and the vagina of a circus midget."

Awesome. Totally awesome.

Well, I'm not gonna ask what happened (cause I'm pretty fuckin' sure it was your fault), but I will say that a current Amex card nailed to the forehead, or a simple trip to Lowe's will get any man laid.

Be of good cheer, Hombre.

After all, a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a pudgy Jewish intern.

Properly (and minimally) edited, this post would make a dandy classified for placement in the Personals.

And then again, the world is crying out for a thrash-metal band that calls itself "Circus Midget Vagina." Or at least I am.

Let's see if we can write that ad:

"Shiftless asshole seeks tattoo-free, slightly addle-pated woman with the breasts of Jayne Mansfield, Tourette Syndrome, a penny lodged in the cognitive portion of her brain, and the vagina of a circus midget. Object: Church attendance and horsewhipping.

Send photo of horsewhip to: velociman@gmail.com"

Ah, I forgot the Sugar Mama requirement...

V-man....The writing thing doth inhibit your romance thing. As it does most so gifted.

But then you knew that and in your own way this is just throwing the chaf into the wind hoping beyond hope that a seed perhaps falls on fertile soil.

You are alas beyond hope. One can either reject it or embrace it.

Cries for help do not become you.

Two words: hookers.

I with ya on all except the boredom stuff. I am CaptainSQL!!!!!!! and shall remain so, even tho the ill winds of unemployment or the next crap job buffet my soul. Because I turn the challenging into dull routine, paid or not.

I has spoken!

All of the circles overlap on a Venn diagram. You would just block out any sections where the circle representing you and the woman who wants you intersect.

Are you my little brother in disguise?

I'm wondering how you would have sounded if your vacation hadn't done you good. Nice to smell your opinions again.

Try Craig's list. Watch out for the Feds.

You might have had some luck during Bike Week.
They'll be back in October.
Buff up, get a tan.

Actually, Gerard, it has. The black guys who don't buy it, generally end up in prison or dead. As do their offspring.

Kim,

I'd love to help a brotha out, but I'd make you go to church too.

Ah, V-man doth nail the zeitgeist again. Apologies for the fact that I am bound to lift large portions of this for my Plenty of Fish profile. Oh, not to get laid. I know how to get laid. It'll piss off the humorless, and cause the rest to spout coffee from their nostrils.

Ah, V-man doth nail the zeitgeist again. Apologies for the fact that I am bound to lift large portions of this for my Plenty of Fish profile. Oh, not to get laid. I know how to get laid. It'll piss off the humorless, and cause the rest to spout coffee from their nostrils.

It's just a dry spell, and like any slump you come out of it (or retire, only those two options). See as you have many prime years left just keep swinging (the nutsack) and your bound to hit something.

He's dead.
Somebody get a bag!