April 8, 2010
Changing My Luck
There are several ways a fellow can change his luck, and I am in need of a change about now. Fortuna has spun her wheel several times, and all against the grain of my good fortune.
The classic way, at least in these parts, would be to finalize a financial transaction with one of the dusky maidens for hire that stroll down my sidewalk on occasion. As the Senator was wont to tell me when I was a mere stripling, "You aren't a southern gentleman until you cut the chocolate cake, boy."
Mos def.
Well, now, the improprieties both social and legal of commercial sex aside, I don't believe I'm quite there yet. I am, however, considering that other great exercise in reversal of fortune: the capture of an albino. As Erskine Caldwell so delicately informed us in God's Little Acre, albinos can find treasure long buried or hidden from we normals. Doubloons, pieces of eight, even pocket change and the occasional penknife. It must be metal, I believe. To my understanding the albino cannot ascertain buried paper tender. But that's just scrip anyway, foisted upon us by a bankrupt government, eh?
They're like fucking leprechauns, these albinos. Plus one does not have to deal with the Irish in the process, the codswaddlers. Albeit, like leprechauns, the albino must be captive. Why, he's not just going to walk up and give you the booty. He acts upon duress, unfortunately, and you must be prepared to use coercion, stringent coercion if necessary, to force him to bely his gifts.
I love it when a plan comes together. Of course, all I have now is duct tape, a Taser, and a divining rod. I'm not sure if them albinos can't dowse for treasure. Better to be prepared. You know, between us girls, I haven't actually seen any albinos in this cracker-assed county, but that's because they hide out. I just haven't gone deep enough into the woods. That's about to change. Wish me luck.
The game? Afoot.
You need an albino midget with six fingers on each hand and 8 toes on each foot. . on a unicorn that's wearing an albino rabbit's foot around its neck while it stands at the end of Obama's rainbow.
Eh? I was gazing hungrily at the butcher's choice cuts and he asked if there was something he could get for me. "What? Do I look like I work for the government? I can't afford that kinda luxury." So I bought the packet of bone marrow to make some ObamaCare soup. Good and good for ya.
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at April 8, 2010 7:52 PMDare I even ask what the heck is going on?
Posted by: rob sama at April 8, 2010 8:02 PMNow that is the kind of bullshit we've been missing for the last couple months. Sorry lady luck has been a bitch lately.
Posted by: Cody Pless at April 8, 2010 8:20 PMRob, I have to confess, that I alone, know what the heck is going on.
You see, Velocidude was found to be pregnant with verse, expectant with prose and soon to be delivered of chapter and verse of a tome squallering with the pain of the forceable entry to this world.
Or, he had one helluva hangover. I forgot which, 'xactly.
Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX
They don't go out in the day for obvious reasons. Look for them at night in places where the soulless hang out. Don't tase them, they'll pop like popcorn. A little starting fluid on a red rag will be all you need.
Alternately, lock up a doper in a dark closet for about three years, the pigment drains pretty well. Only thing you can't do with that is the eyes, which you can touch up wiht contacts.
When you finish off there I got a primordial dwarf you might want to meet. Turns the creepy up to 11, and is wrong on levels humans ordinarily don't get to.
Posted by: og at April 8, 2010 10:48 PMFriend, been there for the last six months. It's shit when you're still trying to hold on to that which is no more.
Imagine, for now, the comfort of a fire to be stoked in an old caboose, the smell of mulligan heating in a bucket on top, and the click, click, click, of the wheels. The red lantern is there as
a warning, not to draw you in.
They say it gets better with time.
Bullshit.
I have had many slices of cake, now I need the whole damn cake, Cat
Posted by: Catfish at April 9, 2010 12:54 AMDo please let us know how it works out. Leprechauns, elves, and the like have turned out to be a bust for me, and I do have some notion of how and where to stalk the wild albino.
And I could definitely use some luck. An asteroid strike at 1111 Constitution Ave., Washington, DC, would be favorite about now.
Regards,
Ric
..... goddamn, man..... as much as I hate to admit it, Catfish can be downright profound when the situation arises....... you'd better check your notes about that albino......
... fuck, if anyone would know, it'd be Catfish.....
Posted by: Eric at April 9, 2010 10:18 PMDagny, if I want a fire in the old caboose, I'll have a few lashings of the Missus's red-hot Texas chili... or perhaps a pile of lamb vindaloo from the local Gujarati take-out joint.
Back when I was in high school, I had a friend who would run around shouting "Albino!" in a strangled voice. Years later, I would discover why...
Posted by: Elisson at April 12, 2010 11:09 AMDeep in the woods...go for it.
Posted by: Yabu at April 13, 2010 8:29 AMhows about an albino devil lizard? theyve got one in a tank at pudfuckers in destin..
Posted by: nptrash at April 13, 2010 9:33 PMBuildings are not cheap and not everyone can buy it. Nevertheless, home loans are created to support people in such kind of situations.
Posted by: home loans at August 16, 2011 11:57 AM