January 28, 2010
You Know What's Going to Save the Economy?
$8 billion taxpayer dollars in high speed rail!
Because you know who rides high speed rail? Fucking nobody. Except Joe Biden.
Why don't people ride high speed rail? Because we have SUV's, you stupid nipple. Sure, the Japs and Frogs like it, because they can save a few yen or euro and commit indecent acts of frottage upon the female passengers. The rest of us? Well, let's just say you can't pull a bullet train into the local packie and lounge for three stiff ones and a brown paper bag to go. Like the bumper sticker should say: you can take my right to drunk driving away when you can pry the ankle monitor from my cold, dead hand foot. Or perhaps a foot from the family of five I encountered. Might have to call in Bones to clarify that one.
At any rate, the high speed rail money always goes to select districts as bribe money, never to the few places that might actually benefit from it. You know where we need high speed rail? Not DC to Boston. Fuck that. We need it from Atlanta to Vegas. Half the goddam country can fly to Atlanta for $49. An additional $49 ticket for an 8 hour 200 mile per hour maglev to Vegas? Solid gold. Private cars with strippers at a $100 an hour tariff wouldn't be a bad idea, either, from a revenue perspective. Just brainsturm und dranging here.
But no: we'll get $3 billion spent for a rail project form Tampa to Orlando that is never completed. Not that we need a 4 minute train ride from Tampa to Orlando. And $5 billion for a train that takes Wall Streeters from Manhattan to Vermont to pick some fucking apples. When what we really need is a high speed rail to take the Creole criminals from Houston back to New Orleans, where they can prey on each other again, like they did in their original Rousseauian state of nature.
Personally, I'd like to see the taxpayers keep their money in this instance. Although a small stipend thrown my way so I could take the Tweetsie Railroad the three miles from Boone to Blowing Rock would be appreciated. Provided the government throws in some free liquor to ameliorate my genetically inherited illness, for which I am not responsible. Of course.
When I was young, dumb and learning how to be a grunt at Infantry Training School in Camp Pendleton, I learned two good things about taking Amtrak to San Diego for weekend of liberty and debauchery.
It was cheap. One could spend more on hookers and booze and hookers. And booze.
One could get drunk on the train and get a head start on the rest of the jarheads in Diego on Friday night.
Posted by: Brian Dunbar at January 28, 2010 9:57 PMYou absolutely crack me up, V-Man. In these parts, the drunks stay to the dirt roads & and are not a problem unless you must pull them out of a ditch.
The Tweetsie Railroad sounds like fun. Forget the government, I'll provide the booze - for the ah - "inherited illness" for which you are not responsible.
"....where they can prey on each other again, like they did in their original Rousseauian state of nature."
Laughing hard.
Posted by: The Whited Sepulchre at January 29, 2010 2:29 AMThing is, these numbnuts can't even admit error. They're the retards who put Dukakis in charge of Amtrak in the 1990's, who went out and bought high speed trains and placed them on rails that weren't strong enough to handle trains moving at high speeds. They'd be better off admitting error and fixing the Acela train before taking on any new challenges.
Posted by: rob sama at January 29, 2010 7:33 AMOnly high-speed rail I'm interested in is the one we run these bastards out of town on.
Posted by: apotheosis at January 29, 2010 9:09 AMAtlanta to Vegas? Hell, yeah. Throw in stops at Shreveport and Dallas, and you'd have a winner. As much as I love Vegas, getting there is a hassle. If I could climb on board a rail and be there overnight, I'd go once a month.
Posted by: PawPaw at January 29, 2010 11:29 AMThe part that never gets mentioned, and there is a technical name for it that I don't recall, is how do you get to, and from, the train station.
Very few stations have public transportation available at all, and if they do the schedules and routes are terrible.
It would be a common occurrence where the last few miles could cost as much in time and/or rental fees as the train trip.
Another brilliant Veloci-piece. Brainsturming und Dranging indeed.
I've been to Blowing Rock once. Disappointed, I was. There was precious little in the way of blowing, if you catch my drift. But that ATL-to-Vegas maglev? I am so there.
Posted by: Elisson at January 29, 2010 11:47 AMRail? Feh... Used to be you could have the porter schlep a steamer trunk full of belt-fed weaponry into your compartment, and no one would even blink. Nowadays you're gonna get the Airport Ass-Probe done to you before you even get near the tracks.
I drive instead of fly/rail because there's no got-damned metal detector between me and the steering wheel on the truck. That long stretch from Flagstaff to Kingman is no place to get caught unawares with nothing but harsh language to repel the goblins.
Posted by: El Capitan at January 29, 2010 5:35 PMDrive? Try the drive from Riyadh to Taif with three falcons, two cats and a pet Indian.
Posted by: dr kill at January 29, 2010 9:02 PMThe bullet train from Tampa to Orlando will be built between the concrete drive on the I 4 corridor. Gee, they just had nine sink holes that messed up the interstate for two weeks. Then the DOT put a band aid on it to keep it moving. Not a good place for a high speed train if you ask me.
Check out Schnittshow.com for his view. He is right on