January 24, 2010
Door Number 3
Those of a certain age will recall hours watching Let's Make a Deal as a child. Well, if not watching it directly, absorbing it in the background.
One of the fundamental constructs of the show was for Monty Hall to present the contestant with a fairly good prize, like a pair of minibikes, revealed behind Door Number 1. There was usually a booby prize behind another door, and there was a fucking awesommus prize behind a third door. The contestant just did not know which of the remaining two doors held the awesummus. That's when Monty would play to the contestant's greed.
Now: take the pair of minibikes, which is yours right now! Or go for broke and try to guess which door hides the king hell trip to Switzerland!
You can't con a person who ain't greedy in the first place, they say. And you can't buy off an American hausfrau swaddled in velour with a pair of farfuckity minibikes. As a child of six or eight or twelve I must confess I enjoyed the schadenfreude, watching a greedhead go down, and unwisely pick the booby prize. It was often a pair of goats, or a balsa wood gin-rickshaw, or something equally designed to let the contestant know, in no uncertain terms, that their greed had fucked them all up.
I look today at the people who voted for Obama, and wonder: how does it feel to buy a pig in a poke, and have it blow up in your face? You could have had a crusty old Arizonan. Not much to look at, but at least as exciting as a brace of minibikes. And minibikes are fun!
But no: you had to go for the trip to Switzerland. Not predicated on knowing it was behind Door Number 3, but because you hoped it was behind Door Number 3.
Now you want to blame the rest of us for not talking you into taking the minibikes. Because now you're stuck with a pair of goats, and they're already crapping on the floor.
You can't con a person who ain't greedy in the first place. And I am enjoying watching you hausfraus and bone heads writhe in your velour sad rags, sweeping up after the goats.
I wonder if there's money to be made in velour straightjackets? I sense an uptick in that market.
Nice essay.
I'll take the minibikes- a known quantity...but I guess it's too late for a second guess, no?
Posted by: doubletrouble at January 24, 2010 11:04 PMBut if the minibikes were made in China, and the trip were actually to the Moon, I'd flip a coin to try for it. In that election, there wasn't that great a leap: with either of those two prezzidintial candidates, we were destined for the goatse.
Posted by: serr8d at January 24, 2010 11:21 PMAt this point I'm glad obama won.
Mccain would have rolled over and given those POS's Pelosi and Reid anything they wanted and when it all came crashing down Congress and the MSM would have had another scapegoat(with a capitol R) to blame.
Granted my personal take is that the GOP will win big in 2010, then run straight into the weeds porking themselves silly.
But maybe the violence that comes after that will lead to something of an improvement.
Posted by: guy at January 25, 2010 2:03 AMI agree with guy, and Beck's frog and boiling water analogy. To gain perspective you have to overdo it and the electorate surely did in Nov 08.
A binge drinker who had to have a boiler maker at last call feels the bed spinning and puts there hand to the floor knowing full well it won't stop for a good while. If we don't drowned in our own puke, we'll wake up hung over with a massive swearing off and severe suffering. Hopefully we won't be stupid enough to go for some hair of the dog.
Further, I, once again, agree with you - secretly every socialist pinko supporting wealth redistribution figures they'll get more from the common pot than they put in. If they're the majority and the restraints of the constitution don't keep them from stealing our property and freedoms, maybe it's cosmic collective karma, then again there is that 2nd amendment.
Posted by: guaman at January 25, 2010 2:47 AM"Cause my whole world lies waiting
Behind Door Number Three"
Ironically, I rediscovered an old Jimmy Buffett tape the other day, and remembered why I liked his early stuff so much.
Posted by: Chris at January 25, 2010 6:18 AMI like watching the magical Obama voters on Deal or No Deal. The ones who are trusting in Jesus, and they fucking know they have the right briefcase. . . it happens over and over and over.
It's a fascinating glimpse into the triumph of numbers over numbskulls. All the beautiful girls, snappy banter, shiny lights and hate for the Banker. It's an age-old tale writ large and luxurious for the next gullible generation. I swear, they should make such shows part of teaching Civics in grade school.
Oh wait. . .
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at January 25, 2010 7:40 AMI hope voter's remorse is contagious.
Posted by: Yabu at January 25, 2010 9:08 AMHe still appears on a whole lotta screen savers around here. He is loved.
Posted by: mike bailor at January 25, 2010 2:20 PMYou're a little late to the party with the velour straightjacket
Posted by: og at January 25, 2010 11:34 PMThe only real reason to watch LMAD: To see what Carol Merrill was wearing that day! She was to Monte what Vanna White was to Pat Sajek. Absent those two hotties there is no show.
Posted by: Chris H at February 3, 2010 11:58 PM