January 23, 2010
A James Lipton Moment
If Congress really feels the need to find something constructive to do with itself, it could start by banning all scenes of childbirth in cinema or the televisuals. There are any number of aesthetic reasons for this ban, however in its simplest form it boils down to:
Who the fuck wants to watch this shit?
It's bad enough when one's own child is being born, but at least you've got skin in the game. What primordial sense of masochism could possibly induce me to watch someone else's child being squirted out in brutish degradation? I'd as soon watch someone take a damned defecation. Well, at least someone on a healthy diet, so it's not painful. If I wanted to see pain and torture I could watch al-Qaeda videos.
Here's another thing: male actors never have to do the childbirth scene. Every actress has to do a childbirth rendition at some point in the parabolic arc of their whorish, demeaning careers in the stage crafts. It almost doesn't seem fair.
Do you know what I like when I watch film or hypnobox? Escape. Fantasy. Something that momentarily allows me to forget that I share 99% of my chromosomes with filthy rodents and armadillos. Amazingly, watching childbirth doesn't do that for me.
Here's a video of a woman experiencing premeditated orgasm during childbirth:
I'm crying bullshit on that one. I think she was merely passing a fart, which can certainly be orgasmic in the right setting, like that hot tub.
As an aside, I was quite perturbed by the number of guys who posted video on YouTube of their wives giving birth. Fuck, dudes. Your wife's pussy looks like the dog's face splitting open in The Thing. You should probably keep that to yourself.
Oh! Hey! Here it is!
Yeah. That's what it looked like. Thank you for sharing, and we'll keep the light on.
Pure unadulterated pain, IMHO. I bemember, once, hearing the sound of a fetal heart monitor on a tv show. I wasn't in the tv room at the time; heard the sound, but didn't identify it immediately. However it made my hair stand on end and the adrenaline kick in! There is nothing pleasureable about that experience except the absence of pain when it's over! Oh ... and of course the prize that comes out of the box.
Posted by: PeggyU at January 23, 2010 9:20 PMI'd almost rather watch bad Pedro than see a birthing. I remember the first time a friend's guy sprang the "birth pix" on me unawares. I did NOT want to see my best friend's vagina spread out like a map of the Mississippi Basin. No. Not. Just. No. . .
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at January 23, 2010 9:48 PMBullshit, indeed. Nothing more than the liberal media's weak ass attempt to induce the ass licking white populace to pump out worthless warriors for the cause. Orgasmic childbirth? And monkeys just flew outta my ass.
Choices? Women want choices? Fuck that. Spread your legs and get knocked up, you got choices. You'll pump out puppies just like the bible indicated........behold:
"I will intensify the pangs of your childbearing' in pain shall you bring forth children. Yet your urge shall be for your husbandcuz yer an idiot and that's what happens after you apply the lips to Girth Vader.....ed., and he shall be your master." Girth Vader again. Who could resist?
Fuckin' aye, homes. Don't let 'em tell you different. You be the master. Not the snot covered spawn.
You set up in Haiti yet? Been scanning the TV for proof. Not sure if it is copacetic to drop the 100 keys yet or not. A smoke signal would be appreciated. Satan says I gotta offload or have my kneecaps separated from the rest of me.
Over and out.
Posted by: bitterman at January 23, 2010 10:54 PMBWAHAHAHA! Well said! But for a bit more serious thing, try this: http://cmblake6.wordpress.com/2010/01/23/follow-along-now-ill-get-there-in-juuust-a-minute/
Use it to your hearts content.
All I did, twice, was let her crush my hand, [fuck she was strong] and tell me what a sumbitch I was for about 45 minutes.
Posted by: skip at January 24, 2010 3:49 AMWe had Lil' Stinky FedEx'ed in via a quality gut cutting, so it was no biggie. And that cottage cheese he was covered in when he was born? Didn't really much taste like cottage cheese at all.
Posted by: dick at January 24, 2010 8:03 PMReminds me of a story.
I worked with an old boy who told me about a whore he rented while on shore leave in Tenerife in WWII. He said she looked like someone had hit her in the crotch with a dull broadaxe. Imagine if you will a gutted dog salmon that had laid in the tropical sun for three days. He said he let her keep the two dollars, then staggered into the street to puke. He hadn't gotten anywhere near drunk enough.
Conjures up a picture dunnit?
Been to Tenerife (Lajes), several times. I think she's still there.
Posted by: cmblake6 at January 24, 2010 11:05 PMThe only thing more horrifying than your juxtaposing a baby-engorged vagina with the dog-head-splitting-open scene in John Carpenter's The Thing, is that I didn't think of it first.
Posted by: Elisson at January 24, 2010 11:16 PM"But it's natural!" Yeah, so is a bowel movement. And a BM is usually less messy. And doesn't cost a half a million bucks to put through college.
Posted by: og at January 25, 2010 6:50 PMI'm with Og. Hell, a couple of days ago I had a Food-Baby that was bigger than either of my two daughters when they were born.
Posted by: Elisson at January 26, 2010 8:29 PM