October 27, 2009
My Kingdom for a Recycling Bin
There is no doubt the Age of Dying Newspapers is upon us. In fact, that critical mass wherein ad revenues finally crater completely and the newspapers go the way of the bugger whip seems to be mere weeks or months away. Barring, of course, the inevitable federal government bailouts of the properly nuanced few.
It is therefore with some surprise that I've noticed a distinct marketing trend in the local papers, said trend consisting of the unsolicited slathering of my lawn with free copies of the provincial area rags.
There are several such broadsheets cropping up on my miscegenized bermuda/weed lawn, each servicing their territorial niches: The Gainesville Daily Post. The Jackson Herald. The Braselton News. The Barrow Journal. Although one may spend parts of a singular day in each of these townships and hamlets, none of the aforementioned feels compelled to actually provide any regional coverage for the others.
At any rate, they have all, within days of each other, decided to toss free copies on every lawn, during the rainy season, forcing one to scoop them up to forgo the appearance of sloth or abandoned property every day. It is an inconvenience at best, and a breach of etiquette at worst. If I wish to know the price of pig's knuckles at Quality Foods, or the latest tripe sale at Ingle's, I'll either go there, or pick up a paper in the convenience store. There is no need to engage in assault marketing tactics.
The newspaper industry is dying, yet there remains a small handful, a retrograde breed, of local ink-stained wretches who insist on defying the inevitable. All politics may be local, as they say, but all news isn't. Therefore these horrible little papers with their high school sports recaps, city council minutes, sewage authority hysterics, and evangelical editorials are pretty thin gruel. Thank God for the tripe ads.
I tossed a few editorials and letters to the editor their way, such as Diverting North Carolina's Water Supply: A Modest Proposal, We Should Have a Tramp Stamp Festival!, and If Knoxville Can Have a World's Fair, Why not Pendergrass? but my attempts at community interaction have fallen upon deaf ears. They want to hear about the latest brush arbor revival, or the county clerk who embezzled $3,641.13.
Well, I'll give them this: they have a plan. Unwanted surge-delivery of ten-penny adverts. With the added bonus of informing me that Fall is an excellent time for planting your landscape, and Alcohol factor in fatal one-car crash. So despite my remonstrations, the suspendered old men in the smoked-filled copyroom have put me some knowledge, at any rate.
The local rags are just steam-punk blogs.
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at October 27, 2009 7:57 PMI enjoyed punting the litterings of the Cleveland Plain Dealer into the gutter for several weeks. Eventually I got tired of it and called and told them their droppings were not wanted.
Posted by: Cappy at October 27, 2009 9:13 PMI, for one, don't much mind this trend. I am sorry that you're feeling put upon, however.
I like it because my now-free local rag reports on doings I would not otherwise know about. And they deliver the thing wrapped in a plastic bag.
And the paper makes a fine bird-cage liner.
Also I've got so much stacked up that I've taken to using the news-paper as a cleaning rag for the windows and glass. Beats paying for paper towels.
Posted by: Brian Dunbar at October 27, 2009 9:29 PMI use 'em for fire-starter...
Posted by: Sam at October 28, 2009 8:14 AMIn an emergency of the most desperate caiber, one could always use these local Penny-Dreadfuls for bunwad. Given the cheap ink, however, you'd likely give the Ol' Brown-Eye a black eye. So, no.
Posted by: Elisson at October 28, 2009 2:23 PMFire starter or guinea pig cage liner ... either works for me. Put out a bin with a lid on it and see if they'll use it. Free dry paper. Their loss, your gain.
Posted by: PeggyU at October 28, 2009 3:44 PMWho said anything about dry paper? That's the issue. The plastic sleeves aren't knotted, so in the RAINY SEASON I have nothing but tubes of disintegrating newsprint.
Posted by: Velociman at October 28, 2009 4:57 PMLong has every major city daily aspired to be like the "Gray Lady" and now perhaps, they have their wish. Bilges filled, bulkheads collapsing, and decks near awash. Staffed by more equal pigs too arrogant to consider bailing, which would be beneath them, and too clueless to abandon ship. May they all founder and sink to the depths together.
Posted by: Tbird at October 28, 2009 6:22 PMJohnny Cash says hi.
Posted by: marcus at October 29, 2009 1:56 PMI pay for the Sunday paper, but receive the rest of the week for "free". And some teensy little advertising thing they insist on leaving in the driveway.
The bags on the daily papers I use for coffee grounds or give to my neighbor and she uses them to help dispose of dirty diapers or dog poop pick-up.
So while I appreciate the bags, I don't even look at the paper. It goes right in the recycle pile.
A shame or a waste? Hmmm. Al Gore hasn't got back to me on that yet.
The AJC has jacked the price up to a fucking dollar. For the AJC. Yes, I'm serious. They're fucking insane.
Posted by: zonker at October 29, 2009 11:41 PMWet, they make excellent targets for a 1911. Just sayin'...
Posted by: Kim du Toit at October 30, 2009 12:32 AM"Wet, they make excellent targets for a 1911. Just sayin'..."
But I'm in an area where informal target practice in one's front yard is somewhat frowned upon. Back yard, not so much.
Gerry N.
Posted by: Gerry N. at October 30, 2009 3:48 AMHey - just tried to purchase the infamous novel but kept being sent back to my "shopping cart" - what, one copy isn't enough. I know I'm a little late but can't wait to read - what gives?? Shoot me an email, will ya?
Posted by: T. at October 30, 2009 9:17 PMIf Knoxville Can Have a World's Fair, Why not Pendergrass?
Seriously. That flea market is a pretty good start already.
Posted by: B Moe at November 1, 2009 8:41 AM