February 9, 2009
I Gave at the Office
I see where Insty is posting about donating blood again, and lamenting the fact he didn't take a camera this time. I'm pretty sure this takes Bore Blogging to a whole new level. When you have to put up yet another picture of yourself giving blood to prove what a Good Citizen you are, you either have a Christ fixation or a blog addiction. Either disorder being easily corrected by spontaneous grassroots crucifixion.
Query: what the fuck is it about blood donors that makes them so smug and self-righteous? I've donated semen under any number of circumstances, and while I admittedly may have demanded approbation from the other individual involved at the moment, I never felt compelled to brag to the entire universe about it.
I put blood donors in the do-gooder category inhabited by ex-smokers. I don't give a flip fuck if you're in the Ten Gallon Club, or haven't huffed a Pall Mall in seven years. That's your gig, not mine. And, yes, I understand donating blood is a worthwhile endeavor, and saves lives. So does putting seat belts on your kid. Just do it, as the slogan says.
Here's a couple of things about donating blood that pissed me off over the years: when I was seventeen I was attending a United States military academy. I went to a blood drive, because my battalion officer told me to, and the corpsman told me that as I was under eighteen I needed mommy or daddy to approve it. Que? Fuck that, I said. I'll donate for myself iffen I ever need mass quantities. Which hopefully I can plan for that car crash. Plus, nobody needs A negative anyway. It's not a rare type or universal donor. It's mutt blood, common as urine in a gutter on St. Patrick's Day.
Second: at my last "career posting" they had huge blood drives every other month or so. There was a designated woman who harassed everyone to sign up to donate. She was very persistent. It's like a United Way gig. You never give that crap job to a man, because he's busy doing real work. It's good filler for the tokens, though. So she would ask you, on a crowded elevator, if you'd sign up for the blood drive, and thrust the clipboard at you. Now, depending who was on that elevator, refusal could be a career killer. Which is why she did it.
After donating twice and still getting badgered in the elevator I finally told her I couldn't give blood because I'd contracted malaria in '76 in Kampuchea, smuggling Hmongs out of the Killing Fields. I already gave, I said with just the right hint of bitterness. Which was complete bullshit, of course, but it shut her the fuck up for the next six blood drives. She wasn't bad looking, though. I should have offered her one of those under any number of circumstances donations.
One other point: anything called a Bloodmobile should have black lights and Rob Zombie posters inside. And a few pasty Goth chicks with cutting scars on their forearms getting transfusions for skag addiction. Bloodrock's D.O.A. playing in the background. Set the mood, goddammit.
Spare me your gushing story of the day you finally received your plastic 20 gallon club pin. I don't care. As far as I'm concerned they should just hook up netted illegal aliens to blood machines, milk them within an inch of their lives, test the shit for HIV, and let them go after a few weeks, too weakened to cause much trouble before the chicken house job starts. Is it too late to get an earmark for that?
Apocalypto!
Well! I've never been so insulted. I WAS planning on giving blood Thursday, but guess I'll put my little blood drop pin back in the drawer. Who needs O negative anyway? Oh, that's right. Everybody! I'm the only universal donor you know and now I'm kinda feeling selfish.
Posted by: Belinda at February 9, 2009 9:00 PMI like the idea of using illegal aliens....'bout time they started payin' it back.
Posted by: kdzu at February 9, 2009 9:16 PMDamn! The I.A. donor idea is awesome.
Posted by: joanofargghh@gmail.com at February 9, 2009 9:29 PMFuck a bunch of 20 gallon club pins...you ain't right until you are wearing a brown recluse lovalier.
Posted by: Sam at February 9, 2009 9:53 PMBelinda: I'm O- and Du negative as well ... antibodies to nothing, as far as I can tell! But the last time I went to donate, they got fed up with me because it's hard to find a vein and like squeezing water out of a rock. Want to make them stop asking you? Bleed s-l-o-w-l-y, so that you are an inefficient use of resources.
Posted by: PeggyU at February 10, 2009 12:35 AMI did the "I have Hep C" "got it from a hooker, so I'm unable to donate." Not only will they stop asking you, but you will find no one wants to sit next to you at lunch either!
I've also said that the "Grand Wizard says not to give blood for its a plot by the Catlicks" this too will give you some eblow room around the water cooler.
Posted by: JohnB at February 10, 2009 6:12 AMThe best license plate I've ever seen was in Fairfax County, VA: SPRMDNR.
Posted by: Arcs at February 10, 2009 7:23 AMThe first thing I think of at the mention of blood is my brother's suicide. When Dad called to give me the news just after midnight on April 11, 1994, we were in Cleveland, OH and John's body was in Beverly Hills, CA. What followed was one of the longest nights of my life. Many things filled my mind, but I could not escape the image of John's body: his lifeless white face and the gore and blood from the gunshot wound. His blood was my blood. I worried over who would clean it up and when.
A couple of days after that Dad learned that the blood coursing through his aorta was simultaneously keeping him alive and threatening to kill him. There was a massive aneurysm in his body's main artery that could burst at any time. He underwent a devastating surgery to have it corrected. It bought him seven years. Then one day he was drinking beer and swinging a hammer, putting an addition on the house when a pain started in his chest. He died two days later when his aorta disintegrated for good during emergency open-heart surgery.
I pay close attention to how I spend my time. I'm careful about how I treat people. I don't take things for granted.
Blood.
Blood is at once evidence of life and death. Women understand blood on a more primal level then men. I'm not proud of this, but I never give blood due to the fact that I become squeamish and faint just thinking about it. My cholesterol being what it is, I don't imagine anyone would want my blood anyway. They'd probably turn into a can of Crisco as soon as the transfusion began.
Posted by: Erin O'Brien at February 10, 2009 8:29 AMPeggyU -- you slow bleeder, you! My husband is the same way and just got shamed into giving last week. I have those veins that just pop up without the tourniquet. I fill that bag in about 5 minutes! I'd probably bleed to death too if I were ever in the wrong situation. Better to be a slow bleeder! They used to call me when they needed O-, but at least they don't do that anymore.
Posted by: Belinda at February 10, 2009 9:44 AMI donate blood. And also sperm, spit and urine. Man, what a self-righteous buzz!
Posted by: Cappy at February 10, 2009 11:32 AMErin: That is depressing! The word "condolensces" seems inadequate, but it's the best I have at hand. I'm not the wordsmith that some of the people here are.
Belinda: Yes, the blood drive people got exasperated with me. And the last time I donated I barfed up the donut and punch and about blacked out afterwards. Not because I'm squeamish. I'm not, particularly. I think it's more low blood pressure or something.
Posted by: PeggyU at February 10, 2009 12:56 PMMe, I donate lymph. I'm in the "55-gallon drum" club. It entitles me to a Senior Citizen Dinner at the International Pancake House...which is great 'cause it helps me recharge them lymph nodes.
Posted by: Elisson at February 10, 2009 1:22 PMThanks Peggy.
My reaction probably wasn't within the parameters of the post, but that's where the blood takes me. Even though I was reading our hosts comments about illegal aliens, I was thinking about that surgery Dad underwent, how he wanted to bank blood from people he knew if a transfusion was required and being so queasy that I couldn't bring myself to give blood even for that.
Then, in an ironic twist, there was an accident during Dad's surgery. A surgical assistant cut herself and contaminated her wound with Dad's blood. Someone came out and asked Mom to sign a form that allowed the hospital to test Dad's blood for HIV, standard operating procedure in such an instance. She did.
"Is the assistent all right?" said Mom, handing back the clipboard.
"She's fine, Mrs. O'Brien."
Dad was under the knife that day for 10 hours, then spent five days in ICU.
Blood? For months after that the site of a rare piece of beef made me crumple like paper and turn just as white.
Here's a post about Dad for the curious. Lot's of pictures too.
Posted by: Erin O'Brien at February 10, 2009 3:10 PMBah! I have my second 7 gallon pin.
Eat it!
Can't donate blood until 7 years after your last chemo treatment either.
Posted by: Michele at February 10, 2009 4:36 PM"Women understand blood on a more primal level then men."
Well, that statement's a load of unhappy horseshit.
Posted by: El Capitan at February 10, 2009 4:59 PMJesus, I thought the post was great but the comments are even more awesome. I feel sorry for people who don't know about Velociworld.
Posted by: Jack Straw at February 10, 2009 6:02 PMOkay El Capitan, I was trying to make a subtle reference to the monthly phenomenon of women as well as the huge amount of blood associated with childbirth, which are about the only times bleeding isn't associated with a wound.
Posted by: Erin O'Brien at February 10, 2009 7:25 PMNO F'ING WAY I live Fairfax VA freaking small word man!
Posted by: JohnB at February 10, 2009 9:05 PMOh good grief, Erin! Everyone here understands you perfectly, but you go 'splaining things like a pedant. Gah.
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at February 10, 2009 10:02 PM"Women understand blood on a more primal level then men."
I have no idea what that means. Then again, I'm not really a woman -- I mean, I have the parts, and they insist on me putting "F" on all the forms, but all that Sekret Wymmen Nolidge about blood and birth and why you should emit long, low, squealing moans when you and your girlfriends are gathered around the kitchen table talking about when they had their babies and how He went to Jared! eludes me. Perhaps I am really a newt.
Posted by: Andrea Harris at February 10, 2009 11:39 PMOh -- and I don't give blood, because I'm a naturally low-energy person most of the time, and those few times I did give blood I was no good for the rest of the day. I mean I had to go home and sleep for the rest of the day. Even giving blood at the doctor's knocks me out. And I have normal blood pressure and enough iron, and the sight of blood doesn't make me queasy or anything like that. But I've worked with people who love to give blood -- they can't wait for that truck to come around. I could never figure it out -- they weren't especially smug about it, they just liked to give blood. It actually seemed to make them feel physically better. I think they must have had too much iron in their system or something.
Posted by: Andrea Harris at February 10, 2009 11:45 PMWell, Andrea, you know I think they do bleed people who have hematochromatosis. Maybe they just ought to own a pet leech.
Posted by: PeggyU at February 11, 2009 1:14 AM.... good god, man..... is this what you wanted?......
Posted by: Eric at February 12, 2009 11:19 PMI am ashamed to say that I had to look up the word "pedant," and...not to be overly boastful but, I think that word might describe me, too.
Not the part that implies I'm boring, though. But it is a common trait amongst control freaks and peeps with a touch (or more) of OCPD.
What were we talking about again?
Love you, V-Man -- you're so much fun to read! :-) Hope you're well. Please, you and Key come to NY and visit me.
Posted by: Erica at February 12, 2009 11:25 PMHell, I've never given blood. Don't care to. If I want cookies and Kool-Aid I'll buy my own. I Delete the emails at work about "Blood Drives". I look at it this way, if I'm bad enough I can't make it without somebody else's blood, then let me go. I am not an "organ" donor according to my drivers license either, but if I find the right lady, I'll donate my organ. ;) Plus, if I did give blood, they'd have to send that bag to detox for about 90 days... I don't want my blood to have to sit through all those therapy sessions. It'd get bored.
Redneck: You don't want your blood to B-positive?
Posted by: PeggyU at February 14, 2009 12:38 AM"Just do it" is half a thought. The other half is "and then shut up about it.".
I started giving blood in the Army - donate blood and get a day off. I loved the drives they had on the Friday before a Monday holiday.
Then I was stationed in Central America 89-90 and the malaria restrictions stopped me from donating. After the three year restriction was lifted, I tried to resume and was shut down due to Mad Cow!
You are ineligible if:
You were a member of the of the U.S. military, a civilian military employee, or a dependent of a member of the U.S. military who spent a total time of 6 months on or associated with a military base in any of the following areas during the specified time frames
* From 1980 through 1990 - Belgium, the Netherlands (Holland), or Germany
* From 1980 through 1996 - Spain, Portugal, Turkey, Italy or Greece.
Germany 82-84 gives me bad blood I guess...
I would like to propose not to hold off until you get big sum of cash to buy goods! You can just get the personal loans or commercial loan and feel yourself fine
Posted by: loans at August 20, 2011 12:05 AM