Velociworld: Ezekiel's Wheels

January 30, 2009

Ezekiel's Wheels

When I was about nine years old I was riding in the back of our station wagon, destination forgotted. At some point in the journey I espied a house fly, trapped in the automobile, zipping most expeditiously from the back of the vehicle to the front.

Oh, ho! thinks I. We're traveling at approximately sixty miles per hour. That fly is traveling about thirty mles an hour. That there fly is traveling at ninety mile an hour! In relative speed, of course. Across the fruited plain. Why, thought me, if you could build a series of long tunnels within long tunnels, and have a blue bottle fly travel within the innermost tunnel, why, you could break the speed of light!

Fast forward ten years. I am in a train, travelling from Connecticut to Pennsylvania Station. Stoned beyond belief on some mystical new strain of Colombian dick knock. We are travelling about sixty miles an hour. And I spot a lone house fly. Zipping most expeditiously from the back of the club car to the front.

Oh, ho! thinks I. Behold the speedy fly. He must be doing ninety miles an hour. In relative speed, of course.

Which is why I am an idiot. Nanotubes was the term I was searching for. But I had not created them yet.

Which, in a Magellanic way, brings me 'round the circumference to the point of the issue. The Nub, as we called those of less, shall we say, endowed gifts in the locker rooms. (And that's what we called them, we Tragically Gifted Few, I flush to say).

For the point is, is the great What If? Just because I'd seen the Future in blow flies doesn't make me prescient. Just because, standing in line at an urban Kroger in 1978 whacked upon that new seedless weed (no patent there) and saying to the cashier You know, if you had little strips of line on the packages, containing all the product's information from price to restock quantities, oh, let's call them bar codes, this would be so much easier) doesn't make me Edgar Cayce, or Nostrumdamus.

The unalloyed fact is, Life ain't fair. And there is no cure, other than that very personal moment when a compleat stranger removes your innards and throws them into a plastic bucket and treacles preservatives into your collapsed arteries. Then paints and powders your face up like you were Jack, the Ripper's, last victim. I, for one, relish the moment my offspring look upon my death mask, so to speak, and whisper Dad looks like an Edwardian whore.

Anywhats, there is no cure for the fucking blues that accrues when one sees an obvious failure as a human being succeed in wild pecuniary fashion. There is no Ojibwah chant that enures one against the inevitable moment when Righteousness takes five, and Pedantry, Preenage, Onanism, and Egoism rules the nest.

There is no escape from the Undeserving. That is part and parcel of existence.

Like that dream you have, where you've killed someone and you don't know why, these things just are.

My paltry advice is just to take it.

Posted by Velociman at January 30, 2009 6:58 PM

Comments

I would start drinking if it would let this stuff out of me. Sadly, it has to be there in the first place. You never cease to amaze me.

Posted by: og at January 30, 2009 10:19 PM

... beautiful......

Posted by: Eric at January 30, 2009 10:28 PM

Was that your way of saying 'life sucks and then you die'? Or, was it over my head again?

Posted by: Jean at January 30, 2009 10:57 PM

I've always wondered who invented the bar code.

Posted by: Sam at January 31, 2009 6:43 AM

that very personal moment when a compleat stranger removes your innards and throws them into a plastic bucket and treacles preservatives into your collapsed arteries.>

Oh yeah, a note about that. Never, ever walk anywhere near a sewer grate near a mortuary. I cannot ever forget the bleachy, formaldahyde-n-grease smell clawing its way out of the underground. I prolly shoulda called the authorities because that can't be healthy for the groundwater.

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at January 31, 2009 8:29 AM

Joan: I'm sure you're correct about that proper disposal thing. Formaldehyde does have a distinctive whiff. It made my stomach do a little flip flop just reading that.

When did you stroll past the mortuary? Do they still use formaldehyde, or have they switched to something else these days? I know they have another less smelly preservative for use on dissection specimens.

Posted by: PeggyU at January 31, 2009 2:26 PM

If anyone could put the "bar" in bar code, it'd be Velociman.

Here I thought this was gonna be a disquisition on Relativity... how the fly, in a train traveling at 99% of the speed of light, could never exceed the speed of light no matter how fast he flew inside the train, thanks to time dilation and foreshortening in the direction of travel.

And then you started talking about those less well-endowed individuals. Further confirmation, thinks I. For how many of us know that old limerick having to do with the effects of relativistic speeds on penile dimension? Viz:

A young man of Novorossisk
Had a mating procedure so brisk,
With such super-speed action,
The Lorentz contraction
Foreshortened his prick to a disk.

Ah, but then you went and got all introspective. Oy.

Posted by: Elisson at January 31, 2009 10:45 PM

Anywhats, there is no cure for the fucking blues that accrues when one sees an obvious failure as a human being succeed in wild pecuniary fashion. There is no Ojibwah chant that enures one against the inevitable moment when Righteousness takes five, and Pedantry, Preenage, Onanism, and Egoism rules the nest.

Well, one can hope.

And write your Senators.

Posted by: Arcs at February 2, 2009 7:38 AM

Huh... It's been a while since I crapped in here so enjoy... First, that Magellanic reference was cool... Where is the country Magellan located and why is it round? Can't we build another canal and just give it back to the Magellanic in 50 or so years?

Secondly, when you were talkin' 'bout the fly, I thought sure as sheet, your next sentence was going be about how hard you slammed on the brakes in the car trying to do a reverse windshield splat on the thing.

Barcodes... I don't think they use the same coding I do for bars. I've got ones where the barmaids are hot, ones where they're not, but the liquor is cheap, and other codes for bars that have live music, fine looking clientelle(me excepted of course), I am not an animal, just an ugly dude.

Oh, I ain't a nub either.

Are Edwardian whores cheaper than Mexican ones, andif so, which hemisphere do they live in?

Your pal,
'Neck.

PS: What happened man, did your gerbil pass? Finally.

Posted by: RedNeck at February 2, 2009 10:01 PM

Well, just, hell . . .

Thanks for provoking thought.

Posted by: Michelle at February 3, 2009 7:30 PM

There is no escape from the Undeserving.

They will pursue you to the ends of the earth. Or at least to Cleveland, where they run the place.

Posted by: Cappy at February 3, 2009 9:29 PM

They will pursue you to the ends of the earth. Or at least to Cleveland

and Washington DC is positively infested with them

Posted by: PeggyU at February 4, 2009 3:13 AM

etghyj http://www.vimeo.com/ailbert ">amateur spanking wghtjymjh http://www.vimeo.com/ailbhe ">amateur male webcam

Posted by: fegrht at May 19, 2009 5:00 AM

dwfgershbtdn http://www.vimeo.com/aillig ">john 13 intertextual analysis wgrhtnbwrgb http://www.vimeo.com/aills ">anal porn free

Posted by: wfagerht at May 19, 2009 11:55 PM

wafegsdrtn http://www.vimeo.com/ailin ">her first anal sex qgthgr http://www.vimeo.com/ailis ">anal sex free

Posted by: wefsrgbd at May 20, 2009 12:31 AM

Posted by: Vtpjyxqp at May 20, 2009 2:58 AM

wdfergthn http://www.vimeo.com/ailse ">real estate investment analysis wgthjrym http://www.vimeo.com/ailshire ">anal dildos

Posted by: wfagesr at May 20, 2009 6:33 AM

efgrshtdn http://www.vimeo.com/ailith ">analysis services qewgrtehyn http://www.vimeo.com/ailli ">urchin web analytics

Posted by: wfager at May 20, 2009 6:35 AM

wfegrshbtn http://www.vimeo.com/ailor ">a womens guide to anal sex grthngerb http://www.vimeo.com/ailsa ">donkey anal fucks girl

Posted by: wfagers at May 20, 2009 7:11 AM

Posted by: Psbqujjz at May 20, 2009 9:47 AM

wefrgthgr http://www.vimeo.com/aimbez ">sex analisis wthymw4het http://www.vimeo.com/aimeeq ">hanalei bay vacation rentals

Posted by: dwfgerh at May 20, 2009 12:57 PM

wfegrhbtn http://www.vimeo.com/ailsworth ">stacy silver anal creampie ghtjyhgr http://www.vimeo.com/ailts ">do women like anal

Posted by: wfgehr at May 20, 2009 12:58 PM

Posted by: Zmjmmvae at May 20, 2009 1:11 PM

Posted by: Xjwmvkmu at May 20, 2009 4:49 PM

wfegrhtn http://www.vimeo.com/aimilionia ">commodity trading q stock analysis q online tradin qwjtrym http://www.vimeo.com/aimone ">analysts oakland

Posted by: aeghrtjn at May 20, 2009 7:33 PM

wfergthn http://www.vimeo.com/aimil ">diamond jared student analysis ghtjymynthr http://www.vimeo.com/aimiliana ">black teen anal

Posted by: wfgehrt at May 20, 2009 7:38 PM

Posted by: Pfkydapl at May 20, 2009 8:17 PM