December 31, 2008
A Random Swing of the Scythe
I have my own version of dropping balls to celebrate the New Year, but it takes two to teabag, as they say, so it looks like that nouvelle tradition will die aborning, as I gots no takers.
My predictions for 2009? Nothing earth shattering, so let's just cut to the dead pool:
Joaquin Phoenix: too smart to burn out at 23, too dumb to save himself now
Amy Winehouse: she's already living on transfusions of Tussionex; so skanky I would consider it a personal favor
Ted Kennedy: nothing personal, but Jesus, half his brain's missing
Dyke van Dick: bad rummy; supercalifornicationexpirationdosis
Fidel Castro: Already dead, but the cortege plans with barking seals have been finalized
Olivia de Havilland: anyone who was in Gone With the Wind should be dead already, damn it, and a constant reminder that Viven Leigh's fine ass flamed out too soon
Steven Hawking: an endoskeletonless blob attached to a talking computer; Jesus takes mercy
Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt: smothered to death by attention, and a psychopathic au pair
Bridget Bardot: an 85-pound skin cancer with heavily-mascara'd eyeballs, and an evil castrator of donkeys
Eli Wallach: aye. Tuco is 93, for God's sake. I'm going to miss the old boy, more than you can know. Sniff.
I have Bob Barker and Christopher Lee warming up in the bullpen. Just in case.
*tosses his 2 cents toward the skeletal ballsack of the Grim Reaper*
Both Barbra and George Bush (Sr). Not because of any animosity, but their generation has suffered enough, and done more then their share on this mortal coil.
Tony Bennett. Last of the crooners, whose heart has by now been calcified enough having been left in San Fransisco for well over 50 years.
Posted by: Guy S at January 1, 2009 12:01 AMAnd don't forget your black eyed peas tomorrow. Happy New Year to youse from the frozen damnyankee hinterlands of northern Illinois.
Posted by: Guy S at January 1, 2009 12:03 AMBB King
I think 2009 is going to suck ... so I predict Maggie Thatcher.
Posted by: PeggyU at January 1, 2009 4:28 AMI'm in an extremely cynical state of mind so I'm gonna say that the 1st and 2nd Amendments are headed for the dungheap of our once fine Republic. How else will poor stupid Obama deal with the coming anarchy?
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at January 1, 2009 11:10 AMVelociman won by 7 votes. Congrats.
Posted by: 08nagaer at January 1, 2009 1:32 PMHappy New Year!
Posted by: zonker at January 1, 2009 1:44 PM"supercalifornicationexpirationdosis"
Just damn! Quit that man......you're gonna give me a complex and I'll stop blogging and my head would likely explode. Glad I wasn't sipping diet Pepsi when I read that. Too, too freaking funny.
Posted by: kdzu at January 1, 2009 6:52 PMDon't worry. Obama will take care of it. Many appropriate deaths to follow.
Posted by: Azole at January 1, 2009 10:37 PMIn tragic news, it seems that a bad cluster of body Thetans have claimed their first victim of the New Year.
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at January 2, 2009 5:13 PMAllow me to temper my previous remark. The loss of a child is indeed the most tragic thing I never want to imagine, and my heart goes out to Travolta's family. My cynical side does not mock their loss, but the hollow comfort of their phony religion. It's a cerifiably phony marketing scam that hurts good people and does not even try to offer reasonable Truths.
May the Travolta's be comforted, in whatever form. I just can't imagine that Xenu is there for them.
Joan, if the child was indeed autistic, rather than being afflicted with 'Kawasaki Syndrome', and if the parents didn't seek medical treatment due to that phony friggin religion and their teachings about prescription drugs, they will never, ever, be able to get over the denial of treatment.
Posted by: jmflynny at January 2, 2009 8:45 PMDon't forget Dick Clark, in honor of whose (eventual) passing the entire system of numbering years will be reset. 2010 would thus become 1 A.D.C. (After Dick Clark) should he go toes-up during this coming twelvemonth.
Posted by: Elisson at January 3, 2009 2:55 PMRather surprised that Robert Byrd (D-WVA) didn't make the list. If ol' Bob kicks, not only will West Virginia's earmarks drop to zero but there'll be a shortage of white sheets in the state for some time after they plant the old son of a bitch.
Just a thought.
Hey, V-man! I voted for you, notified by Og. Sorry I ain't been around yer place much for a while, I think about you and then I think about Acidman, and that Acidman is dead, and that bummed me out enough to keep me from looking at your site. At least he's not alive to see the obamanation.
Speaking of autism, ref. a post or two above, I am so annoyed at so many auties, who are supposed to be more rational and less emotional than the normals, supporting Obama. Maybe they're just young and dumb, etc. Auties, like sojers, are famously slow to grow up.
I write as a semi-autie, or half-aspie.