Velociworld

My Neighbor's Keeper, and Other Fables

My internet connection has been spottier than a Snopes pony the last few days, thanks to the fellow down the road. In his perfervid attempts to bevel his drainage ditch or dispose of his dead dog or whatever task he's embarked upon he's managed to sever the telecommunications cable several times.

Here's the rub, at least for him: labor is cheap in these parts, however free labor is even cheaper. Therefore the cable-severer should have taken note that the same convicts in stripedy britches who were shoveling asphalt like Dragline in Cool Hand Luke on Tuesday were the same gentlemen who'd been repairing the severed cable in the freezing drizzle the last two days. And boy did they look pissed off. They leaned their steam-shrouded bodies on their shovels several times to watch his wife unload groceries, or bring in the porch plants, the vapor shooting from their nostrils like rutting, agitated bucks, no doubt calculating cost-benefit as only convicted felons can do. I'm glad for her the cable's finally repaired. Things were going to get indelicate before too long. And my refusal to intercede as those boys were throttling their shelva handles had me feeling rather existential, to be honest with you. But fuck him. He cut my cable!

Corrupted internet being my lame excuse for not responding earlier to Van der Leun's tag concerning previous jobs. He's unaware of my staunch opposition to memes, mules, and bi-curious experimentation. However, as luck would have it, I'd posted about this very thing back in '05. Prior gainful employment below the fold, with the added caveat that my new job is, of necessity, unlisted at present. I want to fail there on my own terms, thankee.

Lawn Mower

Insulator

Sheetrocker

Housepainter

Drug dealer (okay, that was an avocation)

Prison guard

Electrical supply salesman

Newspaper recycler

Commercial landscaper

Stained glass artist

Cabinetmaker

Insurance agent

Mutual funds broker

Steamship agent

Trucking company manager

Real estate agent

Railroader

Unpublished novelist (and let this post serve as notice to Gerard that he is my new agent, which also entitles him to 15% of my hate mail from the Pernicious Vipers of Sullivan. Which would make a great name for a band, if I wasn't already using Mucus Plug).

Posted by Velociman at December 28, 2008 5:45 PM | TrackBack