Velociworld

Obama Investigates Self: I'm Clean

Of course, Joe Biden already told us that. However, I speak of Obama's stern and unalloyed investigation into whether his team had played the footsies with Blago to sell that Senate seat. And whether Barack himself had entertained some under the table grab ass. To quote the LA Times:

Obama clears himself and staff in Blagojevich case(!)

The president-elect says an internal review shows there were no inappropriate conversations with the Illinois governor about who would fill the vacant Senate seat(!)

That certainly puts an end to the madness, eh what? Never mind that pesky investigation by the United States Attorney's Office. It will merely confirm what Obama has already discovered: he's so clean you could punch out microchips in his thorax.

The rube media will certainly agree. As do me. Hell, when I was 15 years old I dutifully investigated myself and was able to inform my parents, to their immense relief, "This boy's not smoking no pot". Works like a charm.

The gullibility of the press in swallowing this jitload of audacity in Lovelacian gulps reminded Key of Obi-Wan's Jedi mind trick:

Obi-Wan: "You don't need to see his identification."
Stormtrooper: "We don't need to see his identification."
Obi-Wan: "These aren't the droids you're looking for."
Stormtrooper: "These aren't the droids we're looking for."
Obi-Wan: "He can go about his business."
Stormtrooper: "You can go about your business."
Obi-Wan: "Move along."
Stormtrooper: "Move along... move along."

Obi-Wan: "The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded."

So move along, cretins. Nothing to smell here.

Besides, I still count seven trash cans in Wasilla that have yet to be upended by the phalanx of investigative journalists asking the tough questions. And at the rate the press is downsizing they should hoard any delicacies they come across, in order to pay tribute to the local cat tongs:

"You'll be handin' over them press credentials and fishbone skeletons, me bitches."