Velociworld

Distaff Politics: The Harkening

I, for one, am not in the least shocked by the revelation that Caroline Kennedy is "interested" in being anointed with her Uncle Bobby's Senate seat. The seat currently being snailtrailed by Hillary Clinton. Although oft-lauded as one of the very few non-retarded members of her generation of the Kennedy Klan, I find her tethered senses of noblesse oblige, hubris, and condescension simultaneously predictable and disheartening.

Disheartening because I hold no brief against Ms. Kennedy. In fact, I've always rather liked her. We are the same age, and our daughters are likewise of similar knots in the time rope. I've always felt a kindred bond with the lady since my whelp days. Additionally, I admired the way her mother raised her children discreetly and with a sense of high purpose, despite the fact that she was in fact the prototypical jet-setter, and the avatar of the gold-digging whore. Designer sunglasses obviously mollify my sense of inappropriateness.

Back to Caroline: I intuit no backlash against this deal. She certainly seems qualified for the United States Senate. Unlike that uterus-fixated snowbilly from the Klondike, for instance. In fact, since we are all of an accord that Sarah Palin was sublimely ill-prepared and unfit for the position of vice president, let us compare the two pretenders' curriculum vitae for affirming comfort:

Kennedy

Education:

Brearley School: tony finishing school
Convent of the Sacred Heart: Papist indoctrination camp
Concord Academy: Elitism Training Levels III and IV
Harvard College: legacy, had to take her
Columbia School of Law: here's an idea: let's put a fucking lawyer in the Senate! Nobody's ever had that brainstorm before

Work experience:

9 month art course, Sotheby's of London (nonremunerative)
President of the Kennedy Library Foundation (needed a Kennedy)
Director of the Commission on Presidential Debates (wanted a Kennedy)
Director of the NAACP Legal Defense and Education Fund (wanted a Kennedy)
Honorary Chairman of the American Ballet Theatre (needed a beard)
Adviser to the Harvard Institute of Politics (needed a Kennedy)

Political Experience:

NONE

Palin

Head of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Wasilla High: perfect cover to get high. See, viz. Young Life
Hawaii Pacific College (first semester dropout; see, viz. Young Life)
North Idaho Community College (major - deer processing)
University of Idaho (Nickname: Firebox, winner, Doc's Bar Drink 'N' Drown Wet-T contest)
Miss Wasilla 1983 (pix property of the Secret Service)
Miss Alaska 1984 (2nd runner-up & Miss Conjugal Visit)

Work Experience:

Sports reporter, KTUU-TV, KTVA-TV, Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman (measured Magic's Johnson)

Political Experience:

Wasilla City Council (2 terms, punched head librarian in the cunt)
Mayor of Wasilla (3 terms, flayed the pelt off previous mayor with a Cold Steel Boar Hunter)
Commissioner, Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission (had fellow commissioner and head of the state Republican party resign for malfeasance, then drink his own urine)
Governor, the State of Alaska (the youngest governor and the first female governor, first governor of any state to pose in Hustler as the Terminator Next Door)

Now, perhaps you see my point: Palin, bogged down in the minutae of local political machinations and Natty Bumppo beast-flensing, versus a Manhattan-bred entre-nous member of the kulturata. How dare the chillbilly presume?

Here's another thought, unrelated and yet tangentially tied to the prior gravitassitudes: Caroline gave Obama her endorsement for a quid pro quo, that payoff being the Senate seat. To clear that particular deck Obama had to proffer Hillary the SecState role, which, given the stage she loves to strut upon, she could not refuse. Now Obama has a beholden Camelot ally in the New York Senate seat, and he may, at any time after 18 months, grimly unfold his Hillary Clinton dossier, stamp FAIL upon her forehead, and summarily fire her ass with extreme prejudice, never to be pestered by the uppity bitch again.

I wouldn't bet my firstborn upon such a scenario, but I'd bet a dog. Not my dog, of course. Hillary always was just like a largemouth bass: you can't just let her bite the bait and then set the hook on her; she'd just spit it back out. You have to let her run deep with it, turn, and swallow it greedily under a sense of false security. Then you set it. Hillary be treble-hooked now.

Oh. I almost forgot. Ultimate proof that Palin is demonstrably unqualified for higher office, as opposed to the divine Ms. Kennedy. Just below the fold.

Sarah Palin's ass:

Caroline Kennedy's ass:

Q.E.D.

Baby.