Velociworld

This Will Likely Not Stand!

Apparently Al Qaeda number 2 (assuming number 1 still respires "air" in the oxygen-deprived altitudes of Waziristan, and still has kidneys functionally filtering at a level somewhat north of a thrice-used coffee filter) Ayman "Popeye" al-Zawahri has used a "racial epithet" in describing Senator Obama as a "house Negro."

I shall decline to address my stupefaction at the universal outrage in the western world that such a term is cast as a pejorative. When I was a child my house Negroes, Etta and Freddie, would have been delighted had I so addressed them. The term Negro was considered bad form around the plantation, however, the more flexible and flavorful "cullid" being much in vogue at the time.

An aside: I believe I have mentioned this before: when I was about four my older sister told me cullid turds were white, and my poor maid must have thunk me twisted beyond redemption, as I always immediately bolted into the bathroom, and stuck my inquisitive face into the toilet bowl whenever she relieved herself. Now, this fact in and of itself is a mere trifle. What is far more interesting is the mileage I've wrung from this misperception over the years. Try that line on a progressive type girl in a bar, and let slide a solitary tear as you murmur, with slight chest heave, "I was so abused...."

That will get your dumb cracker ass laid about 70% of the time, by my guestimucus. Yes, Intrepids, I am living proof that discussing a fat black woman's shit can reap a fellow highly emotional, if unstable, sex.

I'm sorry. We were speaking of al-Zawahri. Well. I am outraged at this condescending slur. I, for one, have every intention of being quite parsimonious in referring to my president as Chicken George. It just ain't befitting. Once or twice a year, at most. I am a fastidious slave to decorum, I am.

I'm so upset with al-Zawahri I recommend we do something drastic, as a nation. Hunting him down and exterminating him like a rabies-afflicted marmot, perhaps. Is a marmot like a woodchuck? A rabies-afflicted woodchuck, then. That bastard.

Say what? Bush tried that? Well, then. We shan't be replicating any of those ideas, shall we? Too Tom Mixish.

Perhaps a white-liveried Mr. Obama can serve Mr. al-Zawahri some lemonade poolside then, and show his disdain by spilling a few drops on the ill-spoken ruffian's apparel. He might also check to see if those Arab bedsheets they wear have little eyeholed hoodies in the back. I'll bet Chicken George would.