Velociworld

Babylon's Falling

Anyone remember brush arbor revivals? Back in the day, folks would build an arbor by felling saplings, then erecting four poles out of them. They'd lattice smaller saplings across the top, then cover the roof in brush, creating respite from the heat and rain while they held week or two week revivals in the country. In the depiction above they're wrestling with serpents under the arbor, which may or may not have occurred during your typical brush arbor revival.

I remember seeing a few brush arbors as a kid, but I'm reasonably certain my mother never took us to a revival at one. Although she would, at times, lay aside her primmity proper and drag our heathen Episcopal asses to a revival for an hour or two. Later, she would secretly nibble on a pig's foot. Fortunately the Senator ascribed to the theory that the only good snake was a dead one, so there weren't any handlings and rasslings involved in these rare revival moments.

All of which to say, having watched the rage virus permeating the economy, I think I should build a brush arbor in the woods behind the house. Maybe some hard core preaching might make a difference.

I'll need a circuit preacher, I suppose. Do they still ride mules? I hope so. And some local layfolk recently smitten by the Spirit, who'll be champing at the bit for an audience to bellow and cry at. Lemonade would be the drink of the day, with corn liquor down by the creekbed.

I thought about the brush arbor revivals as I watched the gods of Mammon wrestle with the serpents of their own creation these last few days. I don't know whether a government bailout is necessary. Hellfire, I can't even balance my own checkbook. But I do know that for every expert that says we'll be standing in line for moldy bread and selling apples on the streetcorner if we don't pass it, there's another expert who says doing something stupid isn't necessarily better than doing nothing at all.

I see the Treasury Department on the one hand wanting the liberty to buy and sell defaulting assets with zero oversight. Pay what they think is fair, sell when they think it's reasonable. On the other hand you have a Democratic Congressional leadership wanting to siphon off all the revenue from these sales and funnel them to their same old thieving, corrupt, piss-swilling compadres in the community organizing yakuzas. And thirdly, because we have three hands here, you have Republican Congressmen shitting their pants because their constituents are telling them 100-1 that they're tired of bailing out these elite cocksuckers on Wall Street.

Then there's the market itself. These screwheads were so certain they were going to be bailed out they threw a firesale tantrum yesterday. I don't blame them. It's the same sort of pissy reaction I'd have if my best friend promised to buy me lapdances at the Mons Venus, then reneged by way of trying to give me a reacharound in the bathroom of the Marathon station.

Today they decided what the fuck. A reacharound ain't so bad. At least you come.

I guess the best option would be some sort of Resolution Trust setup. Arm's length from the Treasury, just give them the revenues. Oversight from Congress without them earmarking the fucking pelf before it ever sees Treasury. And a sop to the GOP, who can go home and crow Lookee here what I did for you!

Eh, fuck it. I've been on a cash basis for two years anyway. I like it that way. All I miss is waking up and trying to figure out what the hell I put on my credit card drunkbaying the night before.

Two words: Gold. Booze. Bullets. Okay, three words. Better stock up on all three, too.

Because when the revival gets fired up, and I've got the Pentacostals spinning like whirling dervishes in the back yard, there may not be any more reservations in the Circle of Jesus. You'll be outside the talcum powder Ring of Faith, and you'll be needing that gold and them bullets and some sweet sweet booze as coping mechanisms for the Sawbuck Tribulation that's coming.

Not a threat. Nor a prediction. Just a humble opinion from a guy who can't even balance his own fucking checkbook.