September 18, 2008
Fables of the Reconstruction
To coin a phrase. Barring the full hell carnage of the Civil War, is there any era of American history more tumultuous than Reconstruction? Or more studiously ignored by historians? I doubt it. Fourteen years, Insipids. Fourteen years.
Martial law, brutally administered.
Occupying forces from distant lands enforcing whim at the end of a bayonet, ensconced in quarters of their choosing in violation of the Third Amendment.
Racist vigilantes, shrouded in white, terrorizing the landscape, murdering by caprice.
Chattel slaves freed with a promise of 40 acres and a mule, horribly neglected and ignored by their ostensible saviors.
Yeomen, peasants really, disenfranchised and punished for the sins of their elites.
Rapage and pillage.
Good times, good times.
I've wanted to write about this for a long time. And it really needs to be properly explored from the historical perspective. But I'll probably go the fiction route.
I know me. My good and just instincts will be corrupted eventually by the bad me anyway. How can you start this voyage and not eventually devolve into bareback chocolate and vanilla scenarios? Bring me the Mandingo? String 'em up, boys?
I'll have to follow my heart, in other words.
It's a black thing, to be sure, my heart. But this topic cries for poetic license, and abuse. This is of course going to get pretty depraved before it gets better.
En passant: The whiskey of choice for the excrutiating task of writing will have to be Rebel Yell. Half of this will be written while I'm in my cups. The word nigger will probably get used more than you're accustomed to. Mulatto babies with French names like Charles Etienne de St. Valery Bon might crop up now and then. There will be good guys and bad guys of all pigmelanization. Every female will have awesome pert tits with nipples symbolically pointing heavenward (unless God forfend the Rebel Yell run dry).
Also, there will NOT be a Numinous Negro, like Whoopi in Ghost, that big black guy in The Green Mile, Morgan Freeman in Driving Miss Shawshank Almighty, Bagger Vance, Scatman Crothers in The Shining... you know: magical golly-gee nigras with extree-special powers who only exist to help whitey out, created by guilt-besoaked white liberal Hollywood screenwriters who've never actually had a conversation with a black person to expiate their guilt that they never had a soul-releasing, sexually explosive relationship with a black person, like their sister did at Stanford.
Because whores, of course, don't count.
I'm pretty sure I have a raw template to work with here.
Wish me luck.
You really have to donate that brain to science.
Posted by: james old guy at September 18, 2008 9:20 PMok, so that was the introduction.
Let's see Chapter One...
That was the, um, preffus, Jean. I just got a look at my afterward in the mirror. I really gotta lose some weight.
Posted by: Velociman at September 18, 2008 9:43 PMYou former slave-owning redneck hicks need to get over it already. Frankly, you people deserved every last minute of reconstruction, prolly 28 years. Got off lucky if you ask me.
Posted by: rob sama at September 18, 2008 10:00 PMSama's on the list, everybody. And you know what I mean.
Posted by: Velociman at September 18, 2008 10:20 PMGot any DickTaters on that list?
Great Reader KIM Jong ILL
Posted by: JihadGene at September 18, 2008 10:33 PMThis promises to make Gone With The Wind look like The Poky Little Puppy.
And we all know how much you like to poke them little puppies.
Posted by: Elisson at September 19, 2008 12:58 PMEither you people are priceless or I need psychiatric intervention. I'm dusting off a corner of the liberry for automagraphed first editions of your literary masterpieces. I think the era of complete economic upheaval and chaos is a fine setting for a first novel.
What do you do with people who are on the excrement roster, by the way? Something inventive, I hope. You gonna create a masturbating retard character and attach his name to it or something? Seems fitting.
Posted by: PeggyU at September 19, 2008 2:25 PMMemo to Peggy:
Please create me a masturbating retard character. Named Rob.
Thank you.
The Management
Posted by: Velociman at September 19, 2008 3:56 PMHow 'bout "Slobberin Rob"?
Posted by: PeggyU at September 19, 2008 4:04 PMYou %#@^&*%! SEC types make me puke. So the Oberlin Yeomen were the last Ohio team to beat the Buckeyes, way back in 1921. Nobody else brings this up, but you, and only you have to throw that in our face.
And listen, pal. Quit whining about Reconstruction. We took West Virginia away from you guys, and we can damn well give it right back any time we want!
"Bring me the Mandingo?"...
Dude, I sold that fucker at an auction last weekend, to some dude in a white t-shirt with barbecue sauce stains on the front. At least that what I thought it was, it was dark and hard to tell for sure, but I'll let you have the slobbering stuttering Cabanna boy I took from you in Helen back. My dogs are through with him now and he ain't funny no more. He eats all of the ho-ho's as soon as I buy 'em. On the uptick, he's only had two litters of pups. I do so 'cause I know you are sweet on him.
Man, that Rob dude, you can tell he's had a tough life... I bet the kids in Kindergarten tortured that fella with taunts like "Rob Sama that the toilet paper on you so your undies won't get dirty after you shit".
You know damned well he ignored 'em.
"If masturbating is retarded, only retards will have fun."
Posted by: Elisson at September 19, 2008 9:56 PMYou could name your retard yankee character Sam Roberts...
Posted by: Rob Sama at September 20, 2008 10:05 AMDon't forget to write about Forest and the Klan...a bit on the reconstruction would be incomplete if one didn't write about those knights in white who got their cookies burning crosses and hanging innocent...and sometimes not so innocent..people
Posted by: GUYK at September 20, 2008 10:36 AMCarpetbaggers, man....don't forget the Carpetbaggers.
Posted by: Tbird at September 20, 2008 4:36 PMI got some heads that will satisfy even you, out my way.
"You really have to donate that brain to science.
Posted by james old guy at September 18, 2008 9:20 PM"
JOG is very astute.
Hell, given the extension of the Voting Rights Act, you might say we STILL live under Reconstructive military rule.
That John Conyers and Charles Rangel and Nancy Pelosi are looking down their noses at us makes me want to ... well, it kinda makes me want to lynch somebody.
Fire that shit up, mah brotha.
Posted by: og at September 23, 2008 6:19 AM