August 15, 2008
Amber Dreams
Life's a little different in the public sector. For instance, instead of a company car, or allowance, or mileage, like I had at various instances in the past, I now drive a government car.
It's a bit of a beater, missing a hubcap, but it runs like a scalded dog, and at least it isn't a K-Car. And with a government license plate I can speed like all fuck hell and never get pulled over, as long as I'm not slinging liquor bottles out of the window.
It's a professional courtesy thing, just between us girls.
I wish I had a blue light to plop on the roof, though. It's amazing the women you can meet on lonely stretches of highway with a blue light.
I have something better, though. An amber emergency light! Nothing screams Quasi-emergency! Quasi-emergency! like slapping an amber light on the roof and plugging it into the cigarette lighter, believe you me.
Yeah, nothing else says You don't have to follow me, I'm not going anywhere really important like the amber flasher. I do deploy it often, though, just for the pathetic adrenalin rush. Makes me giddy.
Envy, ye Insipids:
I'm, like, a fucking god. With liquor bottles I have to figure out how to dispose of.
You gu'mint boys have alla fun, don't you?
Good Gottawmighty! But to have Vman trolling the two-lanes with quasi-authoritah must be a thing to cause a body to shiveh with fear when heading back home of a late evening.
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at August 15, 2008 10:56 PMAt the very least I can pull you over and cavity-search you for the missing hubcap, Joan.
Not that I have the authority, but I have the color of authority.
Big stuff here in the South.
And it was a tiny hubcap, lest you remonstrate. Figured I'd better add that!
Posted by: Velociman at August 15, 2008 11:11 PMThat was no hubcap. That was a diaphragm.
Posted by: Elisson at August 16, 2008 8:47 AMHa! You'd swear it was prom night, Vman.
Then what would you do with the other 23hours and 58 minutes of your day?
:o)
OMG, Vman with an amber light,,,what the hell's gonna happen next?? Please say a Dem in the white house with a watermelon patch in the rose garden ain't next!
Posted by: Michele at August 16, 2008 11:25 AMThe above comments are very funny and gross at the same time.
I work in construction and have just such a amber light in my car at most times.
About four or five years ago I was DUI in a car park at a big shopping mall and saw a petite mother and her 7 year old boy child trying to cross at a pedestrian crossing.
I also have a siren that hoots at top decibels.
So drunk, perving and trying to impress the youngster I drove straight into the trafic with the light flashing and the siren screeching and stopped all the cars and waved mother and child on.
The withering look that the mother gave me was enough to tell me that I failed on that count.
The youngster however was gleaming at his hero and he waved at me like I was just that.
Alas, I have no siren. But I'm going to install a horn that plays Dixie. That should neckify things properly.
Posted by: Velociman at August 16, 2008 12:38 PMNice white. You need a set of horns. But not bull, maybe cape buffalo, or moose. yeah, that's it, a set of moose antlers. Damn, that would set it off. I am so jealous.
Posted by: og at August 18, 2008 10:01 AM