June 28, 2008
Welcome to the Jungle, Baby
Here's the view from the back deck:
That may not look like much, but it's two acres of forest primeval. The vertical drop to the bottoms down thar is about 70 feet.
I couldn't reach the bottom at first because of the blackberry brambles, the saplings, and the poison ivy. My initial forays left me lacerated and bloody. I finally took the machete and loppers to about a third of the slope and cleared it, and blazed two trails. Way mo bettah. But it's already growing back.
You can't see it, but at the bottom is a dried up creekbed and an unfinished shed. We're going to get some pygmy goats to chomp the blackberries and poison ivy. They love that nasty shit, and can bunk in the shed. I need to fence in a patch for the little bastards first, though. Tomorrow, I swear.
It's tough going, this. For every patch of briars there's a patch of Carolina allspice you want to save. For every tulip poplar you fell you find a mulberry tree or dogwood you want to save. I'll let Key share the gardens, arbor, and walking trails we carved out of the side woods, Herculean tasks in their own right. That's her emotional investment. My emotional investment is being able to walk down to the pond without feeling like I'm being laser tagged from the canopy by the fucking Predator.
I also need to get a well digger out here. The creek ran underground with the drought to save itself. We want to bring it back up to the surface. If it isn't artesian we may have to install a pump, though. That would suck, but I want the damn creek back to fill the pond a little higher. Like Nature and Satan intended in the first place.
And then there's this tree. (That's the pond in the background.) It fell over in a windstorm over the winter. For perspective, that root ball is about the size of a Hummer. Fucking Ada. I may have to get some Michoacans to cut that bloody thing up. I don't have enough saws. The fucking dude in Saw doesn't have enough saws.
And did I mention I have job now? Yeah, I really should have been working on all of this shit before, instead of watching Looney Toons, drinking wine, and admiring the thrilling contours of my phallus. Not that that isn't a full time job, eh what? And I did work at reclaiming this property from Bwana Don and the Umbebwe tribe quite a bit over the last few months, but it's tough. Some days you just take a 30 by 30 patch and go to work, like the gulags. This will take a couple of years.
It'll be fun, though, he grinned through gritted teeth.
Not as much fun as admiring my phallus, but hell. What the fuck is? Case closed, I reckon.
What's a girl gotta do to get a hyperlink, anyway?
No, no, on second thought, don't link me. Then I may just feel obligated to clear the kudzu from my place and actually write something.
Tackling the Hummer of a root ball will do instead. (I know your plate fills, but hey...you can always delegate phallus admiration, right?)
Posted by: Key at June 28, 2008 7:29 PMAhhh, nuthin like a good woman to change your life, eh V-Man? Good on ya.
Posted by: Bane at June 29, 2008 12:38 AMThere is alot of water nearby. That's a pond next to you? Case open: service will likely be stalled for two years. Good on ya.
Posted by: vzw broad at June 29, 2008 2:01 PMKey's finally leaving euphemism-filled comments about Hummers, "root balls" and phalluses. Good on ya.
Posted by: zonker at June 29, 2008 11:05 PM<BEAVISBUTTHEAD>
Huh huh huhh...she said "root." And "ball." Huh huh huh huhhh.
Shaddup, Beavis!
Huh huh huhh...she said "hummer."
Huh huh huh huhhh.
</BEAVISBUTTHEAD>
Posted by: Elisson at June 30, 2008 2:02 AMThe square peg and the round hole doth do fit. I am happy for you.
Posted by: keeskennis at June 30, 2008 3:17 AMCongrats on the job man!
Posted by: rob sama at June 30, 2008 9:40 AMDude, go native. A machete and a loincloth is all you need. And then others can observe the contour of Mr Happy whilst you whack poison ivy and briar.
Besides, the contact dermatitis from the ivy will change Mr Happy from the Helmeted Smoothie to the Bumps of Joy version.
Or so I'm told. Srsly.
Posted by: og at June 30, 2008 11:49 AMLol...
Well, ya know, every now and then I start missing the 'ol Beavisesque gang, and feel obliged to euphemize a comment or two. ;)
More fun to play on this site. Mine needs a MT upgrade in a bad way.
(That would be a hint to the munu gods...:D)
Posted by: Key at June 30, 2008 9:40 PMYou have to put in a zipline to the pond. Seriously.
Posted by: LauraB at July 1, 2008 10:02 AMNo better exercise than doing that kind of cleanup work. Husband's cousin lost about 40-50 lbs. clearing their property and building their house. BTW, how are the mosquitoes? Have you got a good way of dealing with them?
Posted by: PeggyU at July 1, 2008 12:26 PMLauraB is effin' right about the zipline. That would make for the most awesomest photo-blogging and insurance claims! But the cool creds would rock.
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at July 1, 2008 10:22 PMFunny that. I was considering a zipline, then my mind wandered to something more akin to a ski lift. Hell, getting down the slope's easy. Getting up is the bitch.
Posted by: Key at July 2, 2008 6:13 AMabout that well..you could just dig it yourself..see mark you off the spot and dig a six' diameter hole..just four inches deep every day...if you don't hit water in about three months just pick you out anther spot and build a two holer over the dry well..that's the way it was done back in the days of yon..and yon was one hell of a well digger.
Posted by: GUYK at July 2, 2008 9:56 AMThink Powered Ascenders or...pulleys...you can get back to the top with relative ease. Damn it, SWG should know. Where is the crafty bugger when you need him?
Posted by: LauraB at July 2, 2008 11:11 AMUh...that last comment wasn't me. Twas Vdaddy. Using my cookie.
(Does that SOUND like me? :D)
Posted by: Key at July 3, 2008 1:31 PM"Getting down"? "Getting up"? Yeah. That sounds like you, Key!
Posted by: Velociman at July 3, 2008 9:12 PM