June 6, 2008
Good Times
Population: me.
Oh, it's not that bad. I don't actually live in Struggleville. But it's hard by, as they say in these parts. But who knows? I may be gainfully employed any day now, and my days of productive ennui will be dashed, just as I was getting adept at providing value via legerdemain.
Rising and shaving and reporting for duty? Now that's Struggleville, Insipids.
On a more somber note I was awakened the other night and told I was quacking like a duck in my sleep. I remember uttering the final quack as I roused from slumber, so I know I wasn't being made sport of, either. And no one pulls somebody's leg at four a.m. anyway.
Actually, here's a huge clue for you all, and I'm not charging for this: nobody has a fucking sense of humor at four a.m., so forget the leg-pulling theory.
The only thing I can think of, is, we were watching Wild at Heart the night before, and there's this scene in a bar in New Orleans, where this old guy in a straw hat is clucking like a chicken to show his appreciation for the singer at the Zanzibar. Or something like that. Doesn't make sense? It's David Lynch. You gotta work with him sometimes. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I was dreaming about that scene, and got my ducks and chickens mixed up. No harm no fowl. Sorry.
I think I made some U-boat noises, too, for what that's worth. You know, I didn't have all this trouble back when I was bad to drink. Slept like a fucking baby, I did.
Anyway, as long as I don't do the damn duck thing in a job interview I think I'll be okay.
Maybe you were making noises like someone stepped on a duck?
The J.R. sleep-works. I found him one morning, trying to fix the lamp over the bedstead, working away at it in his sleep. Fun to mess with his brain and start asking him questions. Wakes him up, tho. Heh.
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at June 6, 2008 8:38 PMUgh, work? Like movement, and sobriety, I avoid it wherever and whenever possible. Break a leg, though.
Ever thought of starting your own business? Working for nimrods vexes me so.
Posted by: Bane at June 6, 2008 9:04 PMWell, Bane, I've found that being an arrogant fucking smart ass, while personally very pleasurable, doesn't seem to pay too well around these parts. Lots of iron. Not much irony.
Posted by: Velociman at June 6, 2008 9:15 PMTriple ups to Bane. Fuck the Man -- be The Man. Really, I'm telling you, it's just been, so far, fuck it and full speed ahead. Bootstrap that bitch and spend your idle time picking out the barmaids you want to be your admin, climbing up on ladders in short skirts to file stuff. Keeps me going, anyway.
I feel like my canoe is following yours right into where they're gonna make a lake. I plan on being Burt, not Ned. They might make me Ned, of course, because they're They. But They will suffer some losses.
Posted by: Scott at June 6, 2008 9:19 PMPS Maybe it helps not having anybody around to hear you being a duck? If I were regular, I'd not be so focused.
Posted by: Scott at June 6, 2008 9:21 PMYou quit drinkin'? Holy fuck. I gotta call my broker and dump that Grey Goose stock.
Posted by: bitterman at June 6, 2008 10:38 PMGood fucking Lord or, Good quacking Lord if that's what floats your mallard. The point is, the first three sentences of Scott's comment made me think I was reading 'Neck with better spelling. Scary, 'twas.
Posted by: zonker at June 6, 2008 10:43 PMSome ducks have jobs. How are you at selling insurance?
Posted by: PeggyU at June 7, 2008 4:18 AMOh, V-Man, survival is overrated. Buy an old truck with a camper on it, move it onto Catfish's property (or some other acreage you've doubtless got squirreled away) and live on whatever you can scrounge. I am a very lucky man, but that luck not only happened to me, I made a lot of it.
Posted by: Bane at June 7, 2008 9:33 PMI say shut the duck up with duct tape. Works for Don Jr. specally on the Mrs. Don Jr.
Posted by: Don Jr. at June 8, 2008 4:48 PMU-boat noises in bed?
What is that? Nookie Sonar?
"Ping! Titties at two-o'clock! Ping!"
Posted by: Elisson at June 9, 2008 7:45 AMA single ping. One ping, and one ping only. Can you verify range to target?
Having set forth that masterful bullshit let me say this, If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck... It's a fucking duck dude. Lay off the quackers, Cracker.
looks like that sign got broke in by a 45acp..now if you could hit that alligator at catfish's place like that...
Posted by: GUYK at June 10, 2008 7:00 PM.... give me a call tomorrow after three.... we'll chat.....
Posted by: Eric at June 10, 2008 10:20 PMNo comments really. Too damn lazy to post at my own site and waiting for my next drink.
Quack on, bro!
Posted by: Cappy at June 11, 2008 6:39 PMhi friend, your article is interesting to read..your posts are much informative.
Posted by: durai at June 14, 2008 11:53 PMHappy Father's Day, VMan!
Posted by: PeggyU at June 15, 2008 1:18 PMYou just never disappoint, V-Man. It's a damn good thing there wasn't a duck to English dictionary laying around. My bet is that you were speaking in tongues. Duck tongues. God onliest knows what you were raving about.
Posted by: Rosie at June 16, 2008 8:43 PMDuck tongues? I've actually eaten duck tongues. They's a delicacy in Hong Kong.
Cartilaginous bastards.
Posted by: Elisson at June 17, 2008 9:52 AMSorry to hear you are out of work. I too am in that same situation. Gotta love corporate layoffs. You are right, good times.
Zanzibar? Wasn't that the name of the strip club in the movie Flashdance? lol
Posted by: Lori at June 30, 2008 3:23 PMI guess that to get the credit loans from creditors you must have a firm reason. But, once I've received a consolidation loan, just because I was willing to buy a building.
Posted by: personal loans at December 7, 2011 12:48 AM