November 9, 2007
Wherein I Puketh...
So I took my daughter to Mandarin Ale House tonight for dinner. Everything's kaopectate until the manager starts walking around, asking patrons if their meal is okay. He's a big boy, 275 or 3 hundy. Wearing a white polo shirt. Of very thin cotton. Almost translucent, it was. And he has a navel bulging out of it like a damned chubby.
Must have been a rupture, a hernia straight through the belly button, because it was enormous. Like a cock. Not a big cock, but here's some perspective: a three inch dick is small. A three inch outie is fucking huge. It made me want to puke. When he stopped at our table it was right at eye level, too. Inches from me and my repast. I think it wiggled at me. There's an appetite killer.
I pay taxes. I shouldn't have to be affronted like this. A normal person would want to pour kerosene on that disgusting specimen and set him afire. It was only my naturally sweet disposition that prevented me from doing that. Next time I might not be so nice, though.
Pretty disgusting! Next time you should bring a tiny little rubber and tell him to wrap that rascal!
Posted by: Michele at November 10, 2007 8:30 AMDman, I think I've seen that guy! That herniated navel has its own fucking eyeball.
Posted by: Elisson at November 10, 2007 12:47 PMWhat? You had no impulse to reach out and give that big ol' boy a third titty twister? Probably scared you'd pull the pillsbury dough boy's plug huh?
Posted by: RedNeck at November 10, 2007 3:39 PMV-man, did you lick it?
Posted by: Catfish at November 10, 2007 3:52 PMI lurves ya, Elisson, but ya gotta not talk about where I work. Please!!!
Vman, please delete?!!
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at November 10, 2007 9:15 PMThat is exactly why you need to carry a shovel. You never know!!!
Posted by: Yabu at November 10, 2007 10:24 PMYikes. I had to read that right after breakfast... thanks a bunch for sharing.
Posted by: Libby at November 11, 2007 2:19 PMThat's not a herniated navel. It's my dick, which I have stepped on yet again...
Posted by: Elisson at November 11, 2007 7:29 PMYa know....I *pray* you crazy peeps never get one of those things, in some kind of weird karmic reversals of fortune.
Posted by: Erica at November 11, 2007 7:57 PMYou could have at least asked if you can poke it a couple times.
Cat, that was a silly question. Of *course* he did.
Posted by: zonker at November 14, 2007 8:48 AMA press on nail painted bright red stuck on the end would further heighten the experience. A glued on hairy knuckle about halfway back might be going too far. Can you say teratoma boys and girls? Sure you can.
Posted by: vogelss at November 18, 2007 3:39 PMThe use of the phrase "normal person" on this blog is some how perverted.
Posted by: james old guy at November 20, 2007 1:07 PMHappy Thanksgiving, Vman... wherever you are.
Posted by: Jean at November 22, 2007 11:46 AMGee ... THANKS so much for that visual.
Posted by: Billy Dennis at November 27, 2007 3:25 PMJames OG, ain't somehow 1 word? I'm just askin'. Far be it from me to give spellin' or grammar lessons. I can hardly speel anything over 4 letters.
Vman... You still pukin', or still "Wherein", or what?
Should I clear my internet "cache". I keep seein' the same stuff here brother. Belinda is gonna kick your ass. And I'm gonna cheer her on when she does.
Posted by: RedNeck at November 27, 2007 8:24 PM