Velociworld

Appy State 34, Michigan 32

Dere a shocker. Redneck must be wetting his prison uniform.

Conversation, 1973:

Me: That Appalachian State looks pretty cool, dad.
The Senator: Why?
Me: They don't look like they go to class. Just snow ski and smoke pot. I'm up for that.
The Senator: (banging his shoe on the kitchen counter, ala Nikita Khruschev): Nyet!
Me: I know you pulled a lot of strings to get me into West Point.
The Senator: I've been rethinking that, boy. Do you know what the mortality rate of 2nd lieutenants is in the Vietnams?
Me: No sir.
The Senator: It's bad, boy. Your mama would never forgive me. You're going to the Coast Guard Academy like your brother. Protect your honor AND your ass.
Me: What about Georgia?
The Senator: Georgia??? My Playboys tell me it's the party capital of the universe. Ten years running. No sir. Ye shall go to the Coast Guard Academy.
Me: But all my friends are going to Georgia.
The Senator: Precisely. You should go to college with perfect strangers.
Me: They'll be Yankees, dad.
The Senator: Hmm. Just how much pot do they smoke at this Appilalachan State? Never mind. Ye shall protect your honor AND your ass, and keep your mama off my butt. Do you understand how mad she would be if you came home in one of those goddam body bags? And I look forward to seeing your hair cut, you fucking hippie.
Me: Aye, aye, sir.

I couldn't make these conversations up.