May 16, 2007
The Turtle Mystery Solved
I think. Maybe.
As I walked out of the bathroom into the bedroom this morning, Bella was already in her crate, awaiting her daily imprisonment. This was unusual, as I often have to rassle her into the thing. I gave her a Good Girl, locked her up, then noticed, in the bedroom corner, that fucking turtle.
She'd used her morning romp (unsupervised, I may add) to scour the backyards until she found that accussed turtle yet again. And brought it home and tried to hide it in the corner. Her supposed good behavior getting into the crate unprompted was merely a diversion, a bait and switch, to take my eye off the ball. She knew she didn't have time to play with that turtle immediately, but she knew if she secreted it nearby she could have her way with her play pretty when she was released in the afternoon.
As best I can reconstruct it:
1. She brought the turtle home in the first place. In her jowls. I knew it couldn't climb that sliding door threshold alone.
2. She put it in the Rubbermaid bin. I'd left my dog bowls at my brother's last week, and had been feeding her from the Rubbermaid. She must have taken one into the bedroom, and deposited her buddy in it so it couldn't escape. She is notorious for carrying around food and water bowls anyway.
3. As to being under the bed, I'm not sure if Bella intentionally nosed the thing under there, or if she did it inadvertently. But she was pissed when she couldn't get at it last night.
4. So I have a dog capable of playing with a turtle until she remembers to devour it; a beast capable of enough forethought and dishonesty to hide this from me; a sorry case of false imprisonment and aggravated gnawing & bloodletting upon a hapless shelled victim; a piece of Rubbermaid I'll never put food in again; and a yard turtle whose brain bud is so small its sense of self-preservation is infinitesimal.
I knew there was a logical explanation that didn't involve UFO's, Bloggers Gone Wild, or Lyndon LaRouche. Whew! Of course, I still have to deal with a Very Bad Girl. But, hell, I live for that, you know? I just want to deal with a Very Bad Girl in human form.
"I just want to deal with a Very Bad Girl in human form." Uh...no you don't...not really. Can't put them in crates, at least not as easily as Bella. Trust me, I've tried.
Sure you can. Never saw 'Caged Heat 2", did you?
Posted by: Velociman at May 16, 2007 11:02 PMBella is also a beast capable of creating random Studies in Brown by schmearing turtle shit all over the carpet. A veritable Leonardette da Vinci, that one.
Posted by: Elisson at May 16, 2007 11:39 PMpoor Bella. Her toy was stuck under the bed, Dad. She had to tell you about it.
Posted by: caltechgirl at May 17, 2007 1:41 AMYes, but what explains the weasels loose in the attic?
Posted by: rankin' rob at May 17, 2007 10:25 AMGood thing Bella doesn't have opposable thumbs.
Posted by: JohnL at May 17, 2007 12:54 PM...and you keep calling Bella retarded. Shame on you.
Posted by: Jean at May 17, 2007 6:51 PMActually Vman turtles CAN climb up over sliding glass doors.
One year the hub found a red earred slider turtle trying to cross a busy street. He brought it home and it lived in our yard for a year while we waited for the local turtle rescue to find it a home.
If I left my sliding screen doors open, I'd find that darn turtle in my house. AND it had to climb up the step to get on the deck where my sliding doors are.
Clever, clever doggie. *grin* A trip to Petco to get her a fake turtle that she'll never even look at, is in order.
Posted by: Teresa at May 17, 2007 8:23 PMYou imprison your dog every day? I've heard of people doing that, but it sounds mean/crazy to me. My bowser lounges on the bed all day in blissful slumber. You need to give your pooch a break.
Posted by: Joe at May 17, 2007 9:03 PMYou imprison your dog every day? I've heard of people doing that, but it sounds mean/crazy to me. My bowser lounges on the bed all day in blissful slumber. You need to give your pooch a break.
Posted by: Joe at May 17, 2007 9:03 PMThis is frickin' hysterical. Both posts. You are in so much trouble. That dog... she is too smart. Good Lord.
Posted by: Bou at May 17, 2007 10:00 PMYes...Labradors just can't resist a box turtle. Hundreds of them cross the farm on their way to lay eggs in my damn garden every Spring. When Aegis was still here, I found five of them that had been mysteriously transported into the front yard. His own little private turtle herd.
Posted by: Rosie at May 18, 2007 6:53 PMSounds like a very clever dog. Now, one of my husband's friends has a very BAD dog. This one sometimes escapes from the house and disappears for hours. He must go on an eating binge somewhere, because when he returns he has gastrointestinal problems (which usually reach their pinnacle the next day, when the dog is safely secured in the house and his owner is away at work.) On more than one occasion, this dog has had explosive diarrhea in the house, then eaten it to cover his shame, then regurgitated it again because it was inedible. The final insult happens when the dog drags and drops household items to hide the mess (eg, pillows, throw rugs, towels). Since this has happened more than once, I'm not sure why the dog doesn't have a dog run/dog house. I don't think I could handle it.
Posted by: PeggyU at May 19, 2007 6:07 PMBack when I was a younger youngin', grandmama had a German Shepard. He was one cool ass customer. I don't know what possessed us to, or how we came up with it(my cousin did actually), but if you hollered Stoooogie shep, stooooogie, that dog would haul ass off into the woods and an hour or so later, or less if one was close, that bastid'd bring back a terrapin in his mouth. Drop it in front of you, and wait for the attaboy pat on the head.
We pretty much had turtles at will when we were kids at grandmama's house while Shep was alive. He rocked man.
Posted by: RedNeck at May 21, 2007 9:17 PM