Velociworld

Whack-A-Gator

It's a hell of a thing, shooting one of God's creatures. Which makes it puzzling why it's so damned satisfying. I drove up to visit Catfish today, for a little target practice and fishing. Of course I had Bella Loco with me, so as soon as Cat and I walked down to the pond and target area she proceeded to go a thrashin' and a snortin' in the pond. In salt water she would be called Chum.

We walked to the end of the pond to look for the 7-foot gator Cat shot earlier in the week. Didn't find it, but I found a mongrelly 5-footer lounging around. Since the dog was playing gatorbait, there was nothing for it but to shoot the varmint. Cat gave me his Ruger 9mm, and I shot him three times in his head, which seemed to calm him considerably. I thought he was dead, in fact, but we walked back over about 15 minutes later and he'd moved a little bit, so Cat fetched his .357, and I spoke to him three more times, and not nice like last time. This time in his back, because his head was hiding in the grass, he obviously confused from our prior conversation, and thinking hisself an ostrich.

That sank him. Unfortunately, I couldn't stay over, since the doggie is so retarded, so I'll have to go back tomorrow and see if he floats.

I think these mid-sized gators bore Cat after the 12-footer he shot. Just between us girls, that boy has a gator problem.

Anyway for some reason I'm reminded of this old joke:

A man moves to the Appalachian Mountains to get away from it all. He really likes it, but hasn't had a visitor the entire three months he's been there. Finally a hillbilly neighbor comes over and invites him to a party that Saturday night.

"Now I gotta warn ya," the man says. "There's gonna be some drinkin'."

"That's okay," the guy says. "I can hold my liquor."

"And there's gonna be some dancin'," the hillbilly adds.

"That's okay," the guy says. "I can cut the rug pretty good."

"There's gonna be some fightin', too," the hillbilly warns.

"That's okay," says the guy. "I don't believe in fighting, but I can hold my own."

"And there's gonna be some fuckin'," says the hillbilly.

"Well, I seldom have a problem with that," the guy says cheerfully.

"Okay," says the hillbilly. "See you Saturday."

"Wait a minute," says the guy. "What should I wear?"

"It don't matter," says the hillbilly. "Just gonna be the two of us."