Velociworld

Tuco's Back

And you know what that means. Brrr. Skeers even me.

It's very gratifying to me, actually, when Tuco and the Mutant are on the sidebar together. Whatever the vivisection version of feng shui is, that's it.

To celebrate this occasion, then, allow me to share Tuco's crimes yet again. Humor me. This sort of thing makes me happy, and Dr. Thorensen told me it's okay to be happy. Says them prosties like duct tape. I tend to agree. Anywhats:

The First Hanging:

"Wanted in fourteen counties of this State, the condemned is found guilty of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks, and post offices; the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit money, and contrary to the laws of this State the condemned is guilty of using marked cards and loaded dice..."

The Second Hanging:

"Wanted in fifteen counties, standing before us, ah, sitting before us, Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez, has been found guilty by the District Circuit Court of the following crimes: murder, assaulting a Justice of the Peace, raping a virgin of the white race, statutory rape of a minor of the black race, derailing a train in order to rob the passengers, ... robbery, highway robbery, robbing an unknown number of post offices, breaking out of a ..., counterfeiting and passing counterfeit money, and the accused... promoting prostitution ...high places of authority... illegal postal pick up... intention of selling black fugitive slaves... the sheriff in Sonora... hired himself out as guide on a wagon train, after receiving his payment in advance, he deserted the wagon train in the hunting grounds of the Sioux Indians... misrepresenting himself as a Mexican general in order to receive a salary and living allowance from the Union Army..."

It's like archaeology, you know. Sometimes you just dig up a bone splinter, or a jawbone, and have to reconstruct the rest. So it is with Tuco's crimes.

Yes, I'm tired, and I'm recycling. So what? It's Leone, damn it. Deal with it. And help me fill in those blanks.