December 17, 2006
Champing at the Bits
Fergus the Forager offers his tips on the proper roadkill to eat. For instance:
Specimens need to be intact and, at the height of summer, not more than a day old; that time extending to three to four days in the colder winter months. If there is fresh blood on the road, this is a sign of recent death and, hence, freshness. Similarly, with respect to birds, if there are feathers blowing around the road this is the sign of a recent hit. In my experience – although I stand to be corrected – rigor mortis tends to set in 6-12 hours after an animal is killed. So, if you pick an animal up and it is as stiff as a board but still plump and fresh looking, this is a good sign. Also, if on a cold day the animal feels warm then, clearly, this is a strong indicator of recent death. Bad signs include: dull looking eyes, rotten smell, visible maggots or fly eggs around the eyes mouth/beak, rupture of the intestines, signs of sickness, or, suspicious death.
The discriminating palate is what separates us from the beasts of the field and byway, you know. Apparently one forkful at a time. I do appreciate the fact that Fergus will not kill animals for food, but will gnosh upon the pitiful remains of vehicular bestiacide. I give him an A+ for his moral compass; unfortunately his particular compass points to magnetic north polecat.
I've never eaten roadkill myself, but this story does remind me of the fellow who claimed he couldn't be charged with bestiality for having sex with a dead deer, because it was no longer an animal, but a mere slab of meat. The judge disagreed. I concur with that opinion, incidentally.
Found this via Andrew Stuttaford, who seemed strangely detached about the whole thing. Posted by Velociman at December 17, 2006 8:40 AM
Animal Rights are neither.
Posted by: rankin' rob at December 17, 2006 9:47 AMMmmmmmmm... roadkill gumbo.
Posted by: Dash at December 17, 2006 10:49 AMYou need some fresh roadkill, I get something new on my road every day. Place your Christmas orders early to avoid rush shipping costs.
Posted by: Libby at December 17, 2006 11:46 AMThe thing I love so much about Fergus' post is that he really makes all these fairly eloquent arguments and you think he's going to defend vegetarianism...but no. He comes to the conclusion that the voices in his head are telling him to eat roadkill.
I've known folks who do this, but it really seems to be taking off in the UK. It's one of those things that sounds like it ought to be Southern. Now I'm not averse to picking up a fresh venison carcass if I happen to see it get hit, but I draw the line at possums, coons and squirrels. You need to hunt those down yourself.
Posted by: Rosie at December 17, 2006 1:37 PMNot uncommon here to see a fresh dead deer, spine exposed because someone yanked the backstraps and took them for a little ride. Roadkill backstraps. Mmmmm.
Posted by: og at December 17, 2006 4:15 PMNothin' says lovin' like somethin' from the oven...unless it's a tasty fresh roadkilled 'possum, wrapped in tinfoil and braised in its own juices by the heat of a 380 cubic inch V-8.
Posted by: Elisson at December 17, 2006 7:39 PMI'll stick to balony from the Hoggly Woggly or the balony found on this blog.
Posted by: James Hooker-Nipple Whisperer at December 18, 2006 9:58 AMOh! What in the fidgity fuck is that picture bottom left?
Posted by: James Hooker-Nipple Whisperer at December 18, 2006 10:00 AMWatchout sheep lovers.
Posted by: Catfish at December 18, 2006 6:16 PMYou need some more "holiday cheer".
Posted by: LeeAnn at December 18, 2006 8:59 PM