November 19, 2006
Meet Mbotu
Most people are aware of the fact that the overweening narcissist in me just hates to be behind the curve on the Next Big Thing. So when I read about these celebrity types adopting African children I said to myself "Velociman, old boy, you need you one of these!" Yea, verily, nothing quite says Look At Me! like spiriting a wee child from the Dark Continent in order to give oneself a charming yet bathetic topic of conversation at those stuffy dinner parties.
I found little Mbotu in a Ugandan village that had been wiped out by Ebola. Luckily for Mbotu he'd been stuck in the cesspool for two days and avoided infection. Had him showered up, and he arrives Tuesday via Fedex.
Not having any sons of my own I can't wait to do those father-son things I've missed out on. Teaching Mbotu to mow the lawn, for instance, and wash my car, and clean the gutters. It's all about the bonding.
I won't scrimp on education, either. It's free, after all. I had Mbotu tested, and he has an IQ of 160. So after high school it's straight to MIT for him, where hopefully he can learn how to make me one of those fancy gyrocopters I've been craving.
I can't wait to get Mbotu. We're going to have such fun. I just wish everyone in America would adopt a Mbotu. We'd eliminate poverty in Africa that way, and then we could all tell Bono and Geldolf to kiss our asses.
I hope the workers remember to send the matching dashikis I requested with Mbotu. Small and extra large. With leopard spots. Me and my kid, we'll be stylin', damn it!
awe. aren't you sweet. he'll make a fine addition. so happy for you! enjoy!!
Posted by: shoe at November 19, 2006 9:28 PM... bring him up to visit once he arrives... I'll teach him how to shoot....
Posted by: Eric at November 19, 2006 9:43 PMMIT?! Jeezus ... just keep him away from that degenerate Chomsky.
Posted by: Erica at November 19, 2006 10:54 PMI'll give you $35.00 for him.
Posted by: Jack Straw at November 19, 2006 11:04 PMFedex, good idea.
When I adopted my African kid, he came by UPS. They won't leave a package at the door without a signature (I was out on a bidnis trip) and by the time I got to my little Ndabadingi, he was all spoiled. Not the kind of spoiled that grandparents'll do to ya - he was spoiled. Like rotten meat.
Hadda send him back, and those ratfucks charged a 10% restocking fee. Shit!
Posted by: Elisson at November 20, 2006 12:24 AM$40.00
Posted by: James Hooker-Nipple Whisperer at November 20, 2006 3:09 AMDamn. And I chose a 16 year old vietnamese girl. If I'd only known.
Posted by: og at November 20, 2006 8:06 AM160!? He'll never make it in the Rattler Band with those creds.
I'm always interested in the cultural exchange. After you teach him how to shoot a Glock, maybe you can get him to teach you how to kill a lion with a stick.
Posted by: Dash at November 20, 2006 10:01 AMIt's easy...if the lion is asleep and the stick is real pointy.
Posted by: Elisson at November 20, 2006 10:38 AMI'll take three.....
Posted by: Yabu at November 20, 2006 3:39 PMYou guys are AWFUL! (funny, but AWFUL!)
Posted by: Lisa W. at November 20, 2006 4:24 PMGet the kid a babysitter and get out to see the new Bond film. Daniel Craig is better than Connery and this is the best Bond film yet. Palpably brutal. The torture scene is to be savored. ("A little to the left." Ha ha ha) And the final oh so familiar words are delivered in a new light.
Posted by: WitNit at November 20, 2006 4:50 PMAfter that unfortunate incident when I was entrusted with the well being of a neighbor's goldfish.... I think I'll stick to Chia pets.
Posted by: Libby at November 20, 2006 7:30 PMYou found my darling! His name is not Mbotu, it is Vincent. Please return him to my office on Downing Street, c.o.d.
Thank you, Velocimerican!
Shit... You just tryin' to keep up with the other celebrity Jones... The Pitt's/Jolie's/Madonna's. It's all about the bling man, isn't it? Tell the truth now...
soma cod fedex
Posted by: soma cod fedex at January 10, 2007 11:53 AMinternet casino gambling
Posted by: internet casino gambling at January 16, 2007 9:00 PMno deposit online casino
Posted by: no deposit online casino at March 10, 2007 5:01 AMcasino golden online
Posted by: scams online casino at March 18, 2007 10:28 PM