November 9, 2006
Speedy McFastpants
Velociman being Velociman, one would expect him to be intimately acquainted with either (1) bicycles, or (2) speed. Velocity, that is.
Velociman is also a Man of Extremes. No moderate, he. Something worth doing is not just worth doing well; it's worth kicking the ever-loving shit out of it until it bleeds from the mouth and anus.
And so it is in this matter of Velocity.
I figure that the first person who figures out how to exceed the Speed of Light has gotta be Velociman. Perhaps then he will be able to go back in time and suss out how to Unfuck his Big Brain. And that will make me sad, for the move towards normalcy is pernicious unto the Funny.
Assume he does manage that Faster-than-Light trick. Some problems will present themselves, thanks to Old Mr. Einstein, who reckoned that if you went fast enough, your mass would increase and you would become shorter in the direction of motion. Lookee:
A young man of Novorossisk
Had a mating procedure so brisk,
With such super-speed action
The Lorentz contraction
Foreshortened his prick to a disk.
Whatzit mean? Means Velociman better watch his velocity, lest he end up with one Disc Vader. Ya think?
Posted by Elisson at November 9, 2006 7:52 PMI think I must bow in admiration to the master. Elisson, you have ummm... a way with words. ROFLMAO.
Posted by: Teresa at November 10, 2006 2:54 PMIf I knew who I was talkin' to, I'm sure I could come up with some wise-ass comment!
Posted by: James Hooker-Nipple Whisperer at November 10, 2006 5:34 PMI figure tht if you could fly faster than the speed of light, you might well fly up your own ass. Then again, long division gave me cramps.
Posted by: Jim - PRS at November 10, 2006 9:05 PMA disk instead of a dick?... tsk, tsk.
Posted by: Jean at November 10, 2006 9:53 PMHe once acknowledged that he's referring to his lack of longevity, but justifies this trait under a cost-benefit analysis.
If it works...
Posted by: sadie at November 11, 2006 1:17 AMDicks, discs, theory of relativity etc. makes me think of an old question and answer joke.
Q: In what sense is the theory of relativity and an hard-on the same?
A: The more you think about either the harder it becomes.
Posted by: KeesKennis at November 11, 2006 5:23 AMDarth, gone, Disc, in. I'm bettin' on pappy that he's figured out the exchange. He's probably got a 12 "disc" changer in stock should that situation come up.
This post is way too fast for me. I'd better stop effing around and go check all the area dicks and make sure they haven't turned into saucers.
Woot!
Posted by: Erin O'Brien at November 11, 2006 5:02 PMThere was a young wanker from Wight
Who jerked off much faster than light
he rubbed up one day
in a relative way
and got off on the previous night.
(with apologies to Ogden nash)
Posted by: og at November 12, 2006 1:03 PMAnd who better to inspire Og than Ogden?
Posted by: Elisson at November 12, 2006 5:35 PMOne Prick Goes In, and A Disc comes Out, That's some Deep Shit Mann, I really need to lay off the speed
Posted by: G@rgoyle at November 12, 2006 8:28 PM