October 9, 2006

Felching

felch.jpg

James Hooker had asked me, after I'd intellectually stroked his peurile interest in cornholing, to speak upon the issue of felching. I recalled this because I visited him today, as the above street sign attests. He lives at the tail end of the street, of course.

Felching, the enlightened perple will remember, is the act of inserting pipe of a not-too-tearing variety up the anus of the man, foreto insert humble rodents, usually gerbils, into the shit canal, for the pleasures derived from said "pet" as he burrows his way to sunlight. Or death, as direction is critically important here.

We most of us know the felching thing is urban legend, maliciously visited upon Richard Gere, and expanded to the gay community in general. I imagine it was some fellow with too much time on his hands, a hoaxer, who came up with what he considered an insult, a fable, so far over the top, and so incredibly disgusting, that all would revel in his merriment, and get the joke, even as they cringed that he'd gone a little too far.

And then I suspect that a not insignificant few of the gay community read about it, and stroked their chins, and said Hmmm...

Because life imitates hoax, and I reckon once one has assigned their colon to be the primary target of sexual endeavor and satisfaction, one would only, naturally, fall prey to the logarithmic increase and expansion of finding the next best thing!

I don't judge here, by the way. I leave that to others. I merely mock. But I have to wonder about old James. Do I really exude incipient knowledge of such sexcraft? Is James gay, questioning, or a fucking hoaxer unto himself, taking advantage of Velociman's good nature and pandemic knowledge to paint me as a freak?

I'm tired of hanging my hide over the line (SO TO SPEAK!) to satisfy prurient perversalove. I'm a damned artist! Read my Blogger profile!

Enough.

Posted by Velociman at October 9, 2006 7:26 PM
Comments

I must protest your averration of aberration. I was always under the impression that 'felching' was the anal insertion of tongue. Not rodentia. Lest I earn another vile smear towards my sexuality, a good felch can be delivered to either sex. Or so I have been led to believe.

Personally, well, let's just say there's not enough mouthwash to cleanse the palate of such, unless one is fond of bilirubin, which I am not.

Now, I will cheerfully bung a willing (female!) recipient, though my current and final spouse keeps a stun gun handy, bedside, should my nether probing go, shall we say, 'astray'.

Posted by: Bane at October 9, 2006 8:46 PM

Bane, I am of the impression felching refers these days to the insertion of rodentia. I am always ready to be corrected, however. What you do with your own tongue you can call whatever you want, however.

Posted by: velociman at October 9, 2006 8:50 PM

From http://www.urbandictionary.com:

felching
The act of sucking semen from any human orafice, eg. anus, vagina, it can be done with a drinking straw when semen is deep inside the rectum.

Horace had enjoyed his anal intercourse session with Bertie so much, that he decided to felch his own semen from Berties anus

Posted by: Lisa W. at October 9, 2006 9:07 PM

Oops, forgot to include the actual URL: here it is, the Felching URL from Urban Dictionary...Read, learn, enjoy

Posted by: Lisa W. at October 9, 2006 9:08 PM

Well, fine. Let us hear from Hooker. This is his opera, after all.

Posted by: velociman at October 9, 2006 9:17 PM

It takes a lot to make me gack, Lisa. You managed. Be proud.

Posted by: Bane at October 9, 2006 9:25 PM

A drinking straw?????
Holy shit.
Lisa W., I could have lived the rest of my life without that bit of information.

Posted by: Jack Straw at October 9, 2006 9:27 PM

you have a profile on blogger? holy shit, do you have a myspace account? i knew your freaktitude was magnificent, but, but...

your profile belongs at the post office and nowhere else.

Posted by: shoe at October 9, 2006 9:45 PM

Actually, Jack is a litle shy, Lisa. I think he very much wants to live the rest of his life with this knowledge, if not its repurcussions. Even then? Hey.

Posted by: velociman at October 9, 2006 9:45 PM

Always glad to enlighten. For the record, that isn't my typo in "orafice" up there; that's a straight (heh heh heh - straight) copy & paste from the Urban Dictionary.

Posted by: Lisa W. at October 10, 2006 7:26 AM

This has a Mark Foley ring to it.

Posted by: james old guy at October 10, 2006 8:55 AM

Note to self. Do not read Vman before breakfast...

Posted by: Libby at October 10, 2006 9:40 AM

Lisa is correct.

Here in Pittsburgh, "Felcher!" is still used with some frequency as a term of endearment for people who cut you off in traffic, etc.

Where Vman came up with the gerbil shit, God only knows.

Posted by: steelheader at October 10, 2006 10:27 AM

it's not the felching but the squicking that you have to be cautious of.

Posted by: og at October 10, 2006 12:14 PM

Christ on a crutch.

What's next? What else can James Hooker prompt you to expound upon? The Dirty Sanchez? Rusty Trombone? Mungboppin'?

And Lisa, dear, sweet Lisa - does G know what you're up to? Gaaaah.

Posted by: Elisson at October 10, 2006 12:56 PM

Oh, it gets much worse than "sucking semen from any human orifice". I am brain-scarred forever by some perverted scumbag in college who not only initially explained to me the concept of felching, but also tacked on the explanation of "felching a bonus egg".

It seems that unlike a novice felcher, an experienced felcher can apply such a suction force that he is gifted with objects other than semen.

Posted by: El Capitan at October 10, 2006 4:29 PM

I'm so very, very sorry not to have commented before now. I've been just a tad busy laughing my permanently one-way sign utilizing ass crack completly off! Vman, you and a few other sick fucks here have carried blogging to new, un-touched, un-explored depths of sickfuckedness. My kinds of peeps, fo sho!

Eagerly awaiting now your essay on scat and brown showers

Posted by: James Hooker- sillymus bungholus at October 11, 2006 6:18 AM

"And Lisa, dear, sweet Lisa - does G know what you're up to? Gaaaah."

Who do you think pointed me to the URL?

Posted by: Lisa W. at October 11, 2006 9:50 AM

Once, in my college days, the petite, darling girlfriend of a hockey teammate described, at the dinner table of a team gathering, the process of felching as the insertion of a drinking straw unto the anus of a man of the homosexual variety, for the purpose of sucking the tasty, recently deposited man-load therefrom.

Everyone immediately took the straws from their drinks, except for this one guy. I always wondered about that one guy after that, and was careful not to sit on the bench in the locker room if he'd been sitting there, at least until it cooled down a bit.

Posted by: Rube at October 11, 2006 10:37 AM

Here's my second belated attempt at posting something on this thread. If it gets blown into the proverbial wind this time, well, bedee bedee bedee, that's all folks! Something ate my previous attempt.

Lisa's Urban Dictionary quote contained a Freudian slip. Methinks the original poster was thinking "oralfice" instead of "orafice"...

Also, I remember something from back in my university days about something so disgusting, so disturbing, so APPROPRIATE for this thread that I had to go dig it up. Read it and weep. Or vomit, as the urge strikes you. http://www.lyricsdepot.com/dayglo-abortions/hide-the-hamster.html

Posted by: G at October 12, 2006 9:20 PM

Damn, I'm the last word on felching. SAY IT AIN'T SO! Please?

Posted by: G at October 14, 2006 2:31 PM

csHi. May be this is BAD, but is something different: well hung shemale|http://fghfgyhtrast.literaforum.com/well-hung-shemale.html
naked shemales|http://fghfgyhtrast.literaforum.com/naked-shemales.html
free shemale cartoons|http://fghfgyhtrast.literaforum.com/free-shemale-cartoons.html
hentai tranny|http://fghfgyhtrast.literaforum.com/hentai-tranny.html
shemale bondage|http://fghfgyhtrast.literaforum.com/shemale-bondage.html
transsexual personal ads|http://fghfgyhtrast.literaforum.com/transsexual-personal-ads.html
free shemale sex|http://fghfgyhtrast.literaforum.com/free-shemale-sex.html
shemale on girl|http://fghfgyhtrast.literaforum.com/shemale-on-girl.html
tranny station|http://fghfgyhtrast.literaforum.com/tranny-station.html
huge shemale|http://fghfgyhtrast.literaforum.com/huge-shemale.html

Posted by: alan at November 12, 2006 5:37 AM

Hello. CAYUT2 [url=http://www.tCAYUT3.com] CAYUT3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: CAYUT1 at January 5, 2007 12:23 AM

Hello. XNIIO2 [url=http://www.tXNIIO3.com] XNIIO3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: XNIIO1 at January 5, 2007 11:56 AM

Hello. RLRTMIPRY2 [url=http://www.tRLRTMIPRY3.com] RLRTMIPRY3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: RLRTMIPRY1 at January 6, 2007 2:41 AM

Hello. MWAERBADU2 [url=http://www.tMWAERBADU3.com] MWAERBADU3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: MWAERBADU1 at January 7, 2007 12:27 AM

Hello. SWRBCCKQ2 [url=http://www.tSWRBCCKQ3.com] SWRBCCKQ3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: SWRBCCKQ1 at January 7, 2007 11:58 AM

Hello. TJWNQBWHP2 [url=http://www.tTJWNQBWHP3.com] TJWNQBWHP3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: TJWNQBWHP1 at January 9, 2007 3:56 PM

Hello. COFUTYP2 [url=http://www.tCOFUTYP3.com] COFUTYP3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: COFUTYP1 at January 10, 2007 10:47 AM

Hello. DCWVWRBWG2 [url=http://www.tDCWVWRBWG3.com] DCWVWRBWG3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: DCWVWRBWG1 at January 11, 2007 5:34 AM

Hello. NOOPI2 [url=http://www.tNOOPI3.com] NOOPI3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: NOOPI1 at January 11, 2007 2:50 PM

Hello. MAELDITLG2 [url=http://www.tMAELDITLG3.com] MAELDITLG3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: MAELDITLG1 at January 12, 2007 3:24 PM

Hello. OYSCIZB2 [url=http://www.tOYSCIZB3.com] OYSCIZB3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: OYSCIZB1 at January 13, 2007 3:05 AM

Hello. FRVKEP2 [url=http://www.tFRVKEP3.com] FRVKEP3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: FRVKEP1 at January 13, 2007 3:00 PM

Hello. ETAIKI2 [url=http://www.tETAIKI3.com] ETAIKI3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: ETAIKI1 at January 14, 2007 8:34 AM

Hello. VDNKDMW2 [url=http://www.tVDNKDMW3.com] VDNKDMW3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: VDNKDMW1 at January 15, 2007 1:47 AM

Hello. EXXMCB2 [url=http://www.tEXXMCB3.com] EXXMCB3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: EXXMCB1 at January 15, 2007 1:24 PM

Hello. DEAJZ2 [url=http://www.tDEAJZ3.com] DEAJZ3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: DEAJZ1 at January 16, 2007 12:49 AM

Hello. ZKGDAZE2 [url=http://www.tZKGDAZE3.com] ZKGDAZE3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: ZKGDAZE1 at January 16, 2007 1:10 PM

Hello. GMUHV2 [url=http://www.tGMUHV3.com] GMUHV3 [/url] Thanks

Posted by: GMUHV1 at January 27, 2007 1:29 PM

nice!

Posted by: soittoäänet at January 13, 2009 1:10 AM