October 7, 2006
Bella the Ball
Took the Velocipup to obedience training at Petsmart today, as if that's going to be beneful. She's so damned buck wild it's embarrassing. Two other dogs in the class, a Weimaraner and a MinPin. They were incredibly well-behaved. Nice doggies. Bella, on the other hand, was a fugging knothead.
Did I mention she'd managed to get into a butter tub of apple-dipping caramel this morning? Ate the whole thing, and licked it clean. Skorfed it all. She then proceeded to shit the entire tub upon the Petsmart floor in livid Technicolor. Actually, that was the only cool thing she did the entire hour.
I'm gonna have to start taking her to class in a short bus. She whined, and whinged, and barked, and bellowed. Never paid attention. A complete spaz, she was. Pretty, though. And after I got her home she was ashamed, remorseful, and abashed. Blinked her eyes, and begged forgiveness, which is in short supply around me, but I gave it, being the puss I am. Damn dog.
Omideargod ....
Three plus years of blogging ... that was probably the funniest fcking thing I think I've ever read.
Can dogs be nominated for the Golden Plunger Award?
Posted by: Erica at October 7, 2006 6:28 PMtoo funny!......I mean, you being a puss around your dog...ha
Posted by: Jean at October 7, 2006 8:57 PMYou are taking her to class, why? It appears she has you trained already.
Posted by: Libby at October 7, 2006 9:05 PMSo, do you think based on her behavior, she's a product of nature or nurture?
(sorry, studying for Psych midterm...couldn't resist)
Posted by: Lisa W. at October 8, 2006 8:27 AM... 'beneful'... heh heh!...
Posted by: Eric at October 8, 2006 10:06 AMBet they can't wait for you to come back next week!
Posted by: holder at October 8, 2006 1:05 PMDamn you, Velociman. It hurts sooo bad to laugh right now, and you made me laugh. So you suck, but you knew that already.
Cute effing dog.
Posted by: sadie at October 8, 2006 1:46 PMTo keep her focused solely on you, make sure you use a highly desireable treat.
My golden is a food whore and would do anything in puppy class if I had the right treat. He loved cheese, gizzards and hell, I've even used real bacon.
It also helps that I'm the alpha bitch in my house.......
buddy roe, this ain't no thinkin' thing.
Loss of attention durin' the ride to anywhere is quickly corrected by a sharp tap of the brakes. That get's 'em to stop lickin' the vittles long enough to see you're takin' that curve at 60+ and they need to lean.
After she gradiates from that obedience school, you're gonna tell her to do something, and see the look in her eyes, much like that of two people simultaneously flippin' you off. That'd be the "Doggy says fuck you look". I see it often. I know it when I see it.
Next thing to do, well, next thing I did, I went to the local dept. store, bought me one of those $10.00 plastci bb gun pistols and a jar of 600+ plastic bb's.
I tell 'em. I get the look, then I just shoot 'em. Don't even have to get out of the chair to "make it so". Sometimes it takes three or four shots before I get 'em to remember who's boss.
I don't like to shoot 'em, almost as much as they don't like to do what I tell 'em. It's a give and take relationship. But, they can keep your feet warm...
Ain't much you can do if there is a good lookin' bitch driving. Know what I mean?
Posted by: Yabu at October 8, 2006 9:58 PMThe only reason there are beagles, I've discovered, is that nobody can bear to kill them because they have a 10,000 watt cute look they turn on when they are in trouble.
Posted by: og at October 9, 2006 2:04 AM"To keep her focused solely on you"
Hmmm, suppose that is why she shats on the floor?? Just an observation!
V-Man, that has to be the best thing I've read in a very long time. I recently had my mutt (terrier/setter/spaniel/hound mix) Ginger put down (11 1/2 years old, her digestive system just shut down), and I need to thank you for bringing a smile to my day...this story reminded me of my trainig experiences with my girl. Keep writing
'em like you always do.
Obviously you haven't read "Marley & Me", or you'd know that some Labs are knotheads all their lives. Cute knotheads, but knotheads indeed. I wish you all the luck in the world!
(P.S. -- I laughed myself sick through most of that book, and bawled like a baby at the end.)
Posted by: Omnibus Driver at October 9, 2006 5:16 PMThat's a good dog there. She may never do a damn thing you tell her, but that's still a good dog. From the look in her eye, I'm betting she wins most of your battles.
Posted by: Jack Straw at October 9, 2006 7:21 PMOh great, I just bought that book for my plane trip Leslie!
Posted by: Maeve at October 9, 2006 7:21 PMI second og's sentiment, being possessed of two beagles my ownself.
And Labs are indeed lifelong unrepentant knuckleheads...I have a Lab mix who's edging toward two years old, and she's still a meatball every minute of every day. But she's so goldurned cute and silly, it makes me no never mind.
Keep at the obedience...Labs are very smart dogs, which makes them easily bored and stubborn to train.
Posted by: Skwerly at October 11, 2006 2:19 PMA tub of apple-dipping carmel would make a twenty year old chihuahua keep the leash tight. I am also having issues with my new knothead yellow lad so this made me laugh.
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