October 6, 2006
Chunk Rolls
I have a question, and I hope I don't offend too many people when I ask it.
Actually, I don't give a damn, ha ha! So: What's with the beer bellies and chunk rolls on women these days? Really. In the olden days, when I was growing up, when women put on weight, they may get a little belly, but most of it was tits and ass. Front meat and back meat. A woman could be thirty pounds overweight and still look good, because there was proportion in the enviable zones. Tits too big? No prob. That's never a problem, actually. Ass too big? Let's take a look. No. Your ass is cool. Big, but cool. Let me spank it.
Now, when I see overweight women, it is invariably a huge disgusting beer belly. And chunk rolls.
What the fuck is this all about?? Genetics? Physiognomy? I'm serious here, by the way. Maybe diet? Don't think so. The sliding scale of protein, carbs, and fat hasn't changed much.
I am, as they say, completely nonplussed here. Any thoughts? I was thinking rabies, but probably not.
I think it's the clothes. Those super~ultra low riders mixed with those skimpy little tops don't flatter the not~so~thin. Back in the day, women used to camouflage much better.
Also, there may be a shortage of full length mirrors. When I become Dictator, there will be a full length mirror in ever house!
Posted by: DogsDontPurr at October 6, 2006 9:59 PMAh yes, the three pounds of shit in a pound and a half bag syndrome most females seem to be suffering from these days. Saw one in Target, she was cramming a size 14 ass into size 10 jeans; I was unaware they were making shoehorns for ass. She had a star tattoo on the bulge overlying the front and the ass had cleavage far beyond what god intended. Horrid.
Posted by: Cythen at October 6, 2006 10:46 PMCheapest beef is corn fed. A lot of the beef is being found to be chock-full of the same shit in corn, and between the high sucrose content and the hormones, we're fattening women like cattle.
Woman where I work is exactly as you describe; all tits and ass. Eats nothing but chicken. Maybe it's the schmalz that plumps the right parts. Keep telling the ogwife it's semen, but she's not buying it.
I've noticed this too and am outraged, the "beer belly" and "spare tire" used to belong exclusively to us men! The feminist movement has gone too far I tell ya!
Posted by: Sgt Hook at October 6, 2006 11:22 PMSigh. How I long for the good old days where the corset was queen, alas.
Posted by: Jaime at October 6, 2006 11:24 PMQ: How do you fuck a fat chick?
A: Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
Posted by: Elisson at October 7, 2006 12:00 AMI'm with Cyth- a lot of the clothes that women try to cram themselves into are just digusting. They do NOTHING for them. You can NOT be a stick and still look good. I always wonder about the really young girls I see hanging out everywhere and I think "where are the mothers here???" - but most of them are trying to dress the same trampy way. It's really gross...
Posted by: Lisa W. at October 7, 2006 9:47 AMI believe the clinical term to be muffin top.
Posted by: orangbohong at October 7, 2006 1:36 PMWomen's lib and all...it's perfectly acceptable for a woman to down a keg whilst sitting on her ass each weekend afternoon, cheering the boys in striped tights.
On the other hand, there comes an age when even the daintier amongst us experiences 'the change' and damnit if it doesn't turn out that 'the change' means your ass and tits flattening out and your belly growing faster than crabgrass.
Of course, it could be that too many women are still squeezing their asses into Bongos, too.
Posted by: jmflynny at October 7, 2006 6:37 PMYeah ...
Uhm, I have significant assmass, sizable groodies & a few rolls myself here and there, but still ... I think I manage to do a decently standup job in garmenturally sculpting/concealing my corpulence to the best of my abilities.
Like DDP said, people who think they can, but just shouldn't, are wearing the three-sizes-too-small lowriders these days. It really ought to be outlawed.
Posted by: Erica at October 7, 2006 6:42 PMNo exercise. Nobody walks anymore. They drive everywhere and even housework requires a lot less physical effort. Besides, women drink a lot more beer than they used to.
Posted by: Libby at October 7, 2006 8:57 PMYou know it's getting bad when even the Hooter girls have beer bellies....'twas in the local location the other night and all but two of the orange-clad posteriors had a nearly equal-sized roll hanging over the front. Ugh.
Posted by: Grumpy Old Ham at October 8, 2006 12:11 AMMy mother would have said "You look like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag. Go change." I've been tempted several times to tell my students that just because it's on sale doesn't mean it looks good on you.
Low rise jeans. I can't wait for them to go back out of style, so I can go out in public again and not see an ocean of muffin tops everywhere. Blech. And the thong sticking out of the tops of them isn't sexy either.
Back in the days when I could drag a late night beauty back to the schoolhouse (versions 1.0 thru 4.0) now and then I would run into what was commonly called "butt surprise" which is the releasing of said shoehorned size 16 from it's size 10 confines. Today there are no surprises because it's all there to be seen, even if you really don't want to. Of course Butt Surprise was a well known as a possible consequence of late night philandering but it didn't rank anywhere close to being problem enough to terminate the exercise.
Posted by: Dishonorable Schoolboy at October 9, 2006 8:07 PMEarly-onset Syndrome X. There are higher rates of diabetes/insulin resistance these days than obesity or increased detection can account for. Some think it could be endocrine disruptors. Google it.
I still think it's just that people eat too fucking much.
Posted by: liv at October 12, 2006 11:55 PMI think when girls where tight stuff and their belly rolls hang out is sexy
Posted by: mmmhmmmmm at December 29, 2007 9:15 PM