September 28, 2006

Insomnia

Like many of you, I'm sure you have certain things, bugaboos, that keep you awake at night. I'll cop to career, mortgage, a child in college, a 13 year old goth girl, a flesh eating ghoul of a puppy, exploding issues of all varieties.

But what really keeps me up at night, as I'm sure it does many a male on this continent, is the age-old question: who would win an Ultimate Fighting Championship between Ernest Borgnine and Moe Howard? In the Octagon?



Initial Vegas action would be on Borg-9. He was in the Wild Bunch, and Fat Cat in The Adventurers. A tough hombre. But wait! Moe is a dirty fighter, too. A poker of eyes, a kicker of nuts. He may be slight, but he fights dirty. A biter, too, I suspect. Look at the abuse he laid on Larry Fine.

And so I lay awake, turning over the possibilities in my mind. Borg or Moe? After several months of tossing and turning, I decided to turn it over to the Intrepids. I can't handicap this one. I will say this: whoever wins, it fucking rocks.

Posted by Velociman at September 28, 2006 8:23 PM
Comments

I'm going with Moe, he's usually got a hammer hidden somewheres!

Posted by: holder at September 28, 2006 8:57 PM

Borg all the way. Moe's a retard slapping punk.

Posted by: JohnB at September 28, 2006 9:04 PM

Woo! Woo!

Much as I'd like to give it to Mr. Howard, being a Member of the Tribe and all, my money's on Smorgasborgnine. My scenario: Moe gets in a couple of ass kicks and an eye-poke (plink!), after which Ernie pulls out his hog-leg and blows an extra hole in Moe's brain-pan. Yowza.

Posted by: Elisson at September 28, 2006 9:23 PM

... Moe could dish it out, but he couldn't take it.... besides, Borg was sailor during WWII.... my money is on Ernest....

... oh, and he slapped the hell out of Jimmy Stewart pretty good in that Liberty Valance flick....

Posted by: Eric at September 28, 2006 9:25 PM

My heart says Moe, but my money would be on the Borg

Posted by: Hoosierboy at September 28, 2006 11:06 PM

Gotta be the Borg-man. He'd take the eye poke and then kill the Stooge with nothing more than a wicked glare.

Or maybe a punch to the solar plexus that ruptured old Moe's spleen.

Posted by: steelheader at September 29, 2006 9:48 AM

Don't forget--Borg 9 is also Mermaid Man on Spongebob Squarepants. He could bring down some serious jellyfish stings on poor Moe.

Posted by: rankin' rob at September 29, 2006 11:10 AM

The matchup that keeps me awake is Russell Simmons v. Charles Bronson.

Or Rosie O'Donnell v. Natalie Portman.

Posted by: WitNit at September 29, 2006 11:24 AM

What's the Octagon?

Posted by: Dax Montana at September 29, 2006 12:49 PM

Eric,
The bad guys in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance were: Lee Marvin, Lee Van Cleef and Strother Martin. Remember that Mr. Borgnine played the sadistic MP Fatso in From Here to Eternity. He is a bulky endomorph who could twist Moe into a pretzel.

Posted by: Wall at September 29, 2006 7:29 PM

...sorry, Wall... I was thinking of "Bad Day at Black Rock".... even though Spencer Tracy whipped some ninja skills on him, he still looked pretty formidable...

Posted by: Eric at September 29, 2006 9:01 PM

Lee Van Cleef! Angel Eyes! he murmurred as he awoke.

Posted by: velociman at September 29, 2006 9:48 PM

As much as I dislike Ernesto, and like Moe he's the sure winner here, no doubts at all.
I'll even spot Moe 10 points for good measure.

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