Velociworld

Guilty as Sin

It seems Shoe and Dash are concerned that some mo-rons think there is a secret cabal that discreetly sets oil prices in order to sway national elections. That's nuts! And I laud their astute observations. However, I would be remiss without answering the following questions Dash poses:

I have a few questions.

How do they replace their members who die or go to jail, e.g. Ken Lay?
Is there a waiting list to join the fraternity?
Does it have to be limited to 10 members?
Do they have a secret handshake and hold ritualistic meetings where they chant esoteric mantras?

I think I'm starting to get the picture. It's kinda like a mini-cult.

What if somebody like Ross Perot or T. Boone Pickens wants to join and they get snubbed?
Are there any members of OPEC involved?
Do they have an "English only" rule when conducting important business or do they hire interpreters and swear them to secrecy?
Why hasn't the NYT blown this wide open?
Does Bill Clinton know about this?
Did these guys have anything to do with the destruction of the World Trade Center? (You know that was an inside job, right?)
Is Dick Cheney the Imperial Grand Dragon and Donald Rumsfeld Sergeant-at-Arms?
Are these the same guys who are responsible for global warming?
Do Dan Rather and Bill Maher know about this? Etc, etc.

Inquiring minds want to know.

Well, as JFK used to say, let me just say this about that:

1. Ken Lay was our patsy. He wasn't really in the club, we just used him to place a shitload of SOX consultants. Then we snuffed him.

2. No waiting list. We pick replacements at Skull and Bones covens over the polished cranium of Aaron Burr.

3. There are in fact only seven of us, with three floaters in the punchbowl, one of whom is Mr. Hanky.

4. No secret handshake, but we can all wiggle our ears and dicks. As to ritualistic meetings, see #2. The only mantra we chant is the lyrics to Inna-Gadda-Da-Mammon.

5. Ross Perot and T. Boone Pickens are, in fact, the same person, code named Janus. And yes, he is on the Committee.

6. We don't have any OPEC members per se, but we do make Prince Abdullah stand naked in the cloakroom during meetings, wearing nipple clamps and singing Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport.

7. We have an English Only policy, however we prefer to call it American Only.

8. The NYT hasn't blown this wide open because they are too busy blowing Valerie Plame wide open.

9. Yes, Bill Clinton is aware of this. After we told him we spooted on his blue dress to swear him to secrecy.

10. Did something happen to the World Trade Center? Sorry, been too busy counting in the counting house, and baking blackbirds into pies.

11. Dick Cheney is actually the Grand Cyclops (a cock reference); Rumsfeld is known as the White Kamelia (another cock reference).

12. Responsible for global warming? Heh. You should see Condi breakdance to It's Getting Hot in Here.

13. Who are Dan Rather and Bill Maher? A comedy team?

Hope this clears things up, Dash. And by the way, do you have a spare Mexican to start your car tomorrow morning?

Posted by Velociman at September 22, 2006 8:51 PM