September 21, 2006
Suicide Plungers
Like little lemmings our Religion of Peace confreres are, plunging over the cliff. They only lack explosive belts, and targets, at times. Oh, and cries of Allahu Akhbar! (God is Acid!)
Only lemmings don't do that. Walt Disney did that.
Legend had it, you see, that lemmings plunged over cliffs to their sad deaths, apparently distraught over their Bank Americard balances, and the fact that Eisenhower's heart attacks didn't kill him, even as his Mephistopheles, Allen Dulles, was lacing Allen Ginsberg's rope with strychnine. But life imitates art.
And so, as Disney producers were filming the 1958 Leni Riefenstahl classic White Wilderness, they were nonplussed that the acussed lemmings behaved like ordinary rodents, i.e. milling around and fucking each other at random. But legend, again, had it that lemmings were crazed beasts during mating season, and followed each other over cliffs unto their doom in orgiastic frenzy. And this behavior would be filmed for posterity; to prove to the godless Soviets that we weren't decadent, goddam it, and found such wanton stuff beneath our apple pie slices from Woolworth's. So the producers intentionally herded the little scoundrels over the cliff. They whacked them apurpose. And they exploited little Eskimo children in the process as well, making the little pagan blubber eaters round up the lemmings, no doubt telling them it was a mere lemming Red Rover tournament.
And so Uncle Walt, that tireless Jew-baiter, not only killed Bambi's mom, he also had his minions mass-murder helpless lemmings. And the crew probably feasted upon their smashed entrails; but that is pure conjecture on my part, I must confess.
I, for one, was scarred by this slight of hand bullshit. I saw this supposed documentary in the 1960's and took it as Gospel, and subsequently attempted to herd my dogs off the bluff of our river cottage. To no avail. Even a mangy hound knows better than to cleave unto Disney propaganda, or 11 year old boys' screwbound misunderstandings.
All of this is apropos of nothing, of course, except for the fact that I read the comment thread on my last post today, and although I had no intention of posting, this story immediately sprang to mind. I thought I would share it, for what it's worth.
"Even a mangy hound knows better than to cleave unto Disney propaganda..." Just Damn!
Posted by: Dax Montana at September 21, 2006 9:37 PMGlad you're finally out of that lounge chair.
Posted by: LeeAnn at September 21, 2006 10:05 PMShit V-dude. I keep coming here for a motherfuggin' fix and you threaten to cut me off?
Shit. I come here for the sanity, in a most insane world.
Feed the monkey, feed the muse.
Fuck'em. Write it.
Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX
Mmmmmm. Lemmings.
Posted by: Elisson at September 21, 2006 11:25 PMApropos of nothing? The Velocigod always has a reason for everything.
Posted by: sadie at September 22, 2006 12:04 AMVelocigod my raw red ass. Thought you quit, or at least that's what yer pickled populace seemed to think. Toss it out or shut the fuck up, bucko. Easy peasy. I dig it, if that matters. Course, I'm probably as soused up as you are.....then again, even that could be a point of contention.
Posted by: bitterman at September 22, 2006 1:27 AMBy the by, for all your verbosity, your puncuation is atrocious.
Posted by: bitterman at September 22, 2006 1:31 AMDisney? Propaganda? Whatever are you speaking of? I don't believe it. You're going to have hordes, hordes I tell ya, of angry Disney minions descending on your blog to extract revenge for your foul-mouthin' of him.
And Jim? Sloop New Dawn Jim? WHERE THE HECK have YOU been???
Posted by: Lisa W. at September 22, 2006 6:51 AMLemmings and Disney ~ Are You Nuts? Disney wouldn’t do that to us, would he? And Bambi, looked like steaks to me. I have not had
a good nights sleep since 1960 just lying
awake thinking about those dumb ass stupid lemmings committing hari-kari, and NOW I get the truth, FINALLY. This dumb ass lemming story wasn’t quite enough to pull me out of my depression, but it was a start, I would have rather preferred reading about the Senator, but what the hell, Lemmings, I’ll take it, and
sleep will come much easier tonight with my Percocet and Jack Daniels.
Always thought Walt was an evil fucker, I bet he had a horde of nude Annette pictures.
Posted by: james old guy at September 22, 2006 8:42 AMI would give a sizeable chunk of coin of the realm for nude pictures of Annette. Hurk hurk.
(If I wrote that comment anywhere else but here at the Velociblog, I would be howled and roared at with earbursting volume, but instead I hear the local commentariat cheering, grunting, yelling "Yowsa" and "Damn straight!)
No wonder I keep coming back here.
Posted by: Pedro the Ignorant at September 22, 2006 9:34 AMLisa W +1,
Wheryabin Jim?
Walts wife is a renowned Satanist, there in her castle on the hill in the Napa Valley wine country.
The limos wend their way up her drive to pay homage, constantly, and at night, the flickering light of fires shines above her walls. Some say you can smell cooking baby fat if the wind is right.
I don't get it. Will go back to Lileks.
Posted by: Lambo at September 22, 2006 12:40 PMI'm just beside myself with perturbedness over the fate of those adorable little morons that were so shamelessly herded into obliv . . . Hey! Are you calling US lemmings!?
Posted by: Chai-rista at September 22, 2006 12:48 PMChai-rista, you have called it.
Pedro, you are ignorant on both counts.
Bane you tell me what the difference between Baby, Pork, Beef, Goat, Oldtoppie burning fat is and I will call your bluff.
Vman
For what it's worth.
That's enough, don't exhaust yourself now, please.
Baby squeals the loudest on the grill. Duh.
Posted by: Bane at September 22, 2006 9:09 PMAre you mining my archives for material or something? I thought I had a monopoly on lemming literature.
Posted by: zonker at September 22, 2006 10:19 PMHmmm, I see the judge has determined you haven't fulfilled the terms of your community service yet. BTW, I think they add extra hours when you foist off posts like this.
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