Velociworld

Homage to the Cavendish

I'm not a huge consumer of bananas, but I like them. And of course we all know the banana we all consume is the Cavendish. That classic, perfect shape, the consistent taste. But that is because all Cavendish bananas world-wide are clones, genetically identical everywhere. And now the Cavendish is headed for extinction.

From the 1920's to about 1960 we all consumed the Gros Michel, or Big Mike, banana. But fungus wiped out the Gros Michel, and Big Banana, not to be outdone by Big Oil or Big Dick Cheney when it came to foisting their product on the world markets, wreaked the smaller and less tasty Cavendish upon us. Warhol stylized it a few years later (although a bit bruised and rotten, like Nico), and being slaves to tradition, the western world has supported the Cavendish ever since.

A new fungus has threatened the Cavendish since 1992, and the prospects of its survival are bleak. I'm sure Big Banana (Chiquita Comitatus and its evil ally Del Monte Negroponte) will force feed us another variety, which in turn will succumb to disease due to the very nature of its success as a genetically unvaried produce.

What might the Banana Barons gives us? I'm partial to plaintains myself, but they are very inconsistent, and Dole spawn Snap, Crackle, and Pop have been known to get sclerotic if the slices of banana ain't just so. And the Kellogg Rooster? Fucking Ada, he is a Gauloise smoking existentialist, so count him out.

Here's a pic of some Ochitos, or baby bananas, also known as Hugo Chavez Smallcox nanners. We don't want them in our cereal, though, do we? No!

Plantains: very colorful, they is, but a little too We Are The World for me, especially the green martian one. Call me old fashioned, but I'm just not ready to slide something 8 inches and brown down my gullet yet. Not crossing that Rubicon at this juncture. Then again, I haven't needed prison protection, either. So never say never.

I'm told by an eminent biologist from Berkeley that this is the new Pink. The new Banana.

Being the enlightened creature I am, I shall withhold judgment, vis-a-vis that prison protection post. I must say my breath be bated, however. And for the iggernant that means chum-free.