June 25, 2006

I'M CONTENT FREE!

But twice as filling, if you catch my drift. Not Rorke's Drift, because those Zulus were probably a lot more filling than me. Spear shafts ain't in it. Just, I am in danger of the dread blank page, so perhaps a bit of whimsy is in order. Take this comment from acerbic visitor Jay Gatsby (damn that name rings a bell...) to my ancient post entitled, appropriately enough, Poor People Suck:


you my friend, are a fucking retard. Who the hell are you to call anyone poor? because anyone who works for fucking bell south making $40,000 a year is fucking poor. My car costs double your yearly income. How much a person makes doesnt make them better or worse. its class. 50 cent and paris hilton and those little bitches are piles of shit, as are you. but they are no different then the poor drug running piles of shit in the inner city. bad people suck, poor and rich.

Let us disassemble this comment. Fucking retard? I always give a folk that one. The very fact I have masturbated in indecent places without bothering to glance over my shoulder makes it so.

$40,000 working for Bellsouth? Why, I don't work for Bellsouth. Jay doesn't understand the concept of landlord and tenant, apparently, which surprises me, because he is apparently of the corrupted genera of poor white trash that measures their worth not by their soul, but by the length of their motorized stallion in relation to their abode. $80 grand car, $750 rent, 3 inch penis. I state as fact, unseen, that Mr. uh, Gatsby is not only bald but the proud bearer of an egregious comb-over as well. Dyed a virile chestnut brown, which is continually betrayed by the fickle wind, cruel Boreas, which unexpectedly blows the 12 inch comb-over to the wrong side, exposing three inch white roots as the pelt lay upon the wrong shoulder. And he oblivous to the sniggering of the errant passerby.


But enough of the superficial, repugnant Jay. Although superficiality is his stock in trade, I detect. Let's peel the onionhead back. Gee, the very fact that someone would choose the name Jay Gatsby as a nom de cyber speaks volumes to me. To insecurity only alleviated by flash cove coin, to sexual inadequacy unspeakably and embarrassingly only ameliorated by a poorly hidden paederastic desire for Robert Redford, to the aforementioned fancy car. I believe we may all reasonably assume it is a Porsche. Flagship vehicle of the Flaccid Fey Fop, the passenger seat eternally empty unless his mechanic needs a ride to Pep Boys.

Ah, Gatsby. You speaketh of class, that most ephemeral of qualities. I think it is like the Burger Court defined pornography. You know it when you see it. And you, sir, possess not a whit. Class envy, sure. The slothful's path to smugness. Oblivion to irony and satire? Absolutely, although I salute both of your dimensions, length and width. Depth you must find several lifetimes hence.

May I make a gratuitous aside to excoriate your abysmal, infantile grammar? There are mandrills beating out better syntax at the Yerkes Primate Research Center on cobwebbed Commodore 64's, you damnable demiglot. They leave more intelligent comments here, too.

Your worst sin? I've already lost interest in you. I'm wasting some fine made up words on your worthless hide. But perhaps I was wrong, after all. Maybe it isn't poor people who suck. Maybe it's just you.

Posted by Velociman at June 25, 2006 7:56 PM
Comments

The Bible says that is is easier for a poor man to get into heaven than a rich man.No problem for me.
Also says something bout getting a camel thru an eye of a needle.

Posted by: Don Jr. at June 25, 2006 10:03 PM

What was that about a poor man sticking a needle in the eye of a camel? Or walking a mile for a Camel?

Posted by: Elisson at June 25, 2006 10:07 PM

If the V-master is correct, this rich hate-bag could drive his penis through the eye of a needle.

Posted by: David K. at June 25, 2006 11:33 PM

"12 inch comb-over to the wrong side"

Fucking Classic!!!

Posted by: Yabu at June 26, 2006 12:02 AM

"Poor People Suck" was an awesome post, and Jay Gatsby ended up dead in the water, didn't he?

Posted by: agent bedhead at June 26, 2006 2:28 AM

While studying at Yerkes PRC my uncle Mandy used varied and new computer equipment and he knows more than one or two words in two languages.
He has mailed me to ask whether a Notus would have restored the Flaccid Fey Fopís hairstyle to normal and whether Zephyrus would have made sense in a post about cars.

Can you help him please?

Posted by: KeesKennis at June 26, 2006 2:37 AM

Zephyrus would have answered right smartly. Although Boreas is the Greek root for Bore Ass. Also, Zephyrus is the West wind, and Boreas is the North wind, and I'm pretty convinced this guy is a damned Yankee.

Posted by: Velociman at June 26, 2006 8:49 AM

It would seem that if Mr. Jay Gatsby had one additional brain cell, he would be but a half-wit. Don't they normally give people, such as him, electro-shock?

Posted by: Vulgorilla at June 26, 2006 10:26 AM

You do know more than two words from two languages.
I like the Yankee bit. Biting.

Posted by: KeesKennis at June 26, 2006 1:08 PM

Yeah, I hate it when my combover gets jacked by the Mariah.

Fellow readers: We should pay some idiot to bait the V-man when he has become lax in his posting to goad him into verbosity. Paypal button, anyone?

Posted by: Cythen at June 26, 2006 3:25 PM

Who's the huckleberry? Perhaps we could all participate in the rufflin' of the plumage of the pimp hat. Kinda like a card club shared at a different card carryin' club members abode every week.

Posted by: RedNeck at June 26, 2006 5:47 PM

Please by all means leave a "street address" where all you so-called rich people can be reached at, *wink*

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