Velociworld

A CASE FOR NEW HURRICANE NAMES

Have you noticed the nasty intrusion of Hispanic names into the litany of hurricane names? Al-fucking-berto, indeed. I already have to dial 1 for English to report to State Farm that my farking roof blowed off. Do I need the ignominy of saying it twere a wetback that done it?

I was talking to my daughter this evening about how much better it would be if hurricanes were named after rappers. At first this seemed to possess merit: Pascagoula wracked by Hurricane Tupac. Wilmington torn asunder by Hurricane Biggie Smalls. Then reality encroached. Who wants their home destroyed by Hurricane P Diddy? Or choleric flooding from Tropical Storm Nellie? Roof caved in by Hurricane 50 Cent?

I'm thinking it isn't the 'cane, it's the fact that most hip hop artists these days have really pussy names. Gay, even.

I think we should name hurricanes after Russian field marshals. Destruction by Hurricane Mikhail Illarionovich Golenishchev-Kutuzov has some frigging cachet, don't it? Even better, I want to see Jim Cantore pronounce it thusly: князь Михаи́л Илларио́новичt Голени́щев-Куту́зов. New Orleans could raise its head high if it had been rapined by Hurricane Prince Ivan Semyonovich Prozorovsky, I reckon.

Who does one write to to press such an issue? I think I shall go mad with another season of Hurricanes Estefan, and Isadore, and little Jesus.