Velociworld

TRIM ISSUE

I am not enamored with the Troy-Bilt weed trimmer. Of course you knew that going into this exercise because you're a clever little fuck, aren't you? Sit there and flog the bishop and second guess Velociman, and when you finally pop that third beer you're brave enough to revile me in my comments section, eh what?

That's okay. I have a weather eye on you, little man. Which reminds me: I got hopelessly lost in "urban" Macon today because the signs to I-16 were fucked up. And I ended up in a spade neighborhood, and this street was called, swear to God, Little Short Street. Cool as shit, n'est-ce pas?? I wanted to stop and take a pic, but that would have invoked Little Short Life, know what I mean? Incredibly, your humble servant had NO fucking game in this hood. The invocation of Tuco merely made their brows furrow. Dat Macon, though. Tell me: did they renovate the Coliseum or tear the old one down? Looked like a tear down to me. And it's still a fucking ghetto there.

Anyway, the Troy-Bilt is a fucking nightmare. I can string the fucker, but the string pops incessantly. WHY?

Because both strings are spooled on the same fucking groove!!! Now, I realize clockwise is the way things work here in the Northern Hemisphere, and as the thing spins, so must the line feed. But any simple notion of statics and strengths will tell you they cannot feed properly from the same spool. They must feed poorly, but vicariously, from separate spools both aclockwise. But on the same spool? Fuck that. Doesn't work. One string will always go the other way, mumchance.

And so another trip tomorrow, another return.

And here's where you come in, Intrepids! Other than the part where I was excoriating you, of course. Not that I will not continue that, but at least you get to provide feedback this time. To wit: I need to know what the best weed trimmer in the World is. Money is no problem. If you start fucking with me, though, like saying I need to hire somebody, or I ain't shopping at the right places, THAT'S a problem.

Don't fuck with me. If you don't have anything positive to say shut the fuck up. I WILL burn your house down. Sic syphilitic dumpster dwellers upon your daughters. Finger fuck your wife with your finger, recently severed. Let us not speak more of this.

Never thought I'd beg for a whacker, but here I am. Humour me please.