April 26, 2006
RECIPROCITY
Acidman is going to Austin for the Blown-eyed Blodger meet, he is. And he has threatened bodily harm if the following words are used:
Acoustical
Ironical
Irregardless
Gender
Fahr enuff, as they say in West Virginia. Creating words is important stuff. I do it all the time. But there has to be a lyrical quality to it, it has to bespeak something on another level that gives it sense. Most of those words up there are just the result of plain fucking stupidity. Except for "gender". That is a bullshit feminist construct. "Dickled" and "Dickless" has served the same purpose for centuries.
My mother-in-law makes up words like that. Horness. Flustrated. Suskeptical. Pure iggernance, I say.
Now, to the rub: not only is made-up words a teeth grinder, so are overused, hackneyed, banal phrases. Especially when they show up again and again.
I think someone in Austin should set up a Mason jar with a slot in the lid, and everytime Acidman uses the following phrases (or posts them) he must put a dollar in the jar. At the end of the weekend buy an inflatable doll with the proceeds, and mail it to me. Right now I'm hankering for a North Carolina Central University stripper, but that could spin on a dime. Here are the verboten phrases:
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!
I'm an English Major, I don't do math.
Bloodless Cunt.
Fido's Ass.
Dragged off and shot.
BWAHAHAHAHA!!
That's not a bad list. Very pithy, actually. I still think it will elicit enough funds to garner me a very special Frederick's of Hollywood Typhany Jones Ho Strippa doll. Just the thing for a Saturday night.
Damn.
I wish I could get inside that brain of yours for just two minutes.
Just once.
That is all it would take.
; )
Posted by: Christina at April 26, 2006 10:40 PMYeah, Christina. With a grapefruit spoon.
Did you hear about the cow who swore off alfalfa when she found a half-ton of marijuana in the field, already rolled up into convenient joints?
Claimed she could digest the Doo-Dah more easily than she could the alfalfa...and didn't even need to use all four of her stomachs. Yep: it was the famous Cudless Blunt.
Posted by: Elisson at April 26, 2006 11:25 PMV-man, was that you I saw shopping the Inflatable Sheep 'n' Cow aisle at the Dildoteria? You know...where they sell the Shtupperware?
Make sure you lay in a supply of Leak-Stop lest Girth Vader inadvertently lay waste to your Source o' Solitary Amoosement.
Posted by: Elisson at April 26, 2006 11:29 PMYou forgot "fuck me dead," you bloodless cunt.
Posted by: Acidman at April 27, 2006 7:52 AMI've seen "Fuckstick." How about a "Fucksocket" to go wid dat?
Posted by: James Hooker at April 27, 2006 9:14 AMSo you're not going to be in Austin? I was hoping for a foot massage.
Posted by: Jim - PRS at April 27, 2006 11:00 AMColloquialisms and cliches are merely the shorthand of communicating with America's mentally puerile populace, n'est ce pas?
Posted by: bunnyjo at April 27, 2006 3:07 PMWhat about "Chaps my Ass"?
Posted by: Lisa at April 27, 2006 4:56 PMEric, I'd say you're right. About as incapable as you would be of doing widdout your beloved ellipses...
Paul
Posted by: Light & Dark at April 27, 2006 8:25 PMSee, that is the beauty of this. I post a mere few hackneyed phrases, and the rest come out like projectile vomit in an Ebola patient. I'll just sit back, now, and watch them come in from Rob's loyal readers.
And Paul, I'm getting spamholed here! Where you been?
Posted by: Velociman at April 27, 2006 8:56 PMOk, first, bunnyjo talks funny.
Second, that whole thing was so Acoustially ironical that irregardless of your gender you had to go, ... what the fuck did he just say?
Chaps my ass when peep's do dat...
Posted by: RedNeck at April 27, 2006 10:20 PMBunnyjo? Neck, you have no idea.
Posted by: Velociman at April 27, 2006 11:46 PMMy aching ass. You forgot that one.
I wanna go to the next Texas meet. I'm just down the road apiece.
I never hear or see anyone use the term "COCKSUCKER" anymore...I've always favored that one...we should say it more..
COCKSUCKER! :)
Posted by: Sandy at April 29, 2006 9:06 AMWhy, Sandy, COCKSUCKER! is my most cherished of road rage phrases. Don't believe me? Ask my kids.
Posted by: Velociman at April 29, 2006 12:36 PMI'm shocked Sandy said COCKSUCKER!
Posted by: livey at May 2, 2006 12:33 AMI think she just misspelled it. She really meant CORKSOAKER.
Posted by: Dash at May 3, 2006 1:54 PM