March 29, 2006
MY SOUL, SHRIVELLED AS A PEACH-PIT
Existential Angst and Ennui? I got 'em, in spades.
I put on the Red Helmet with the flashy Pimp-Feather, but it does not satisfy.
I rant about Castro and the Nouvelle-Taliban, but my soul is as hard and shrivelled as a peach-pit.
The steamroller is in the garage, cobwebbed. No gas in the tank. I cannot take it out on the public thoroughfare, there to squash random slow-moving toddlers and puppies, and that grieves me sorely.
The Monkey-Horde trembles and shrieks when I approach. Perhaps they remember my last visit, when I unleashed the Steam-Hose upon them. Deserved it, the bastards did. One of the chimps had caught me unawares with a corn-studded log betwixt the shoulder blades; therefore, I punished the whole hairy lot of 'em. The Legislator would have approved.
My mood is foul, vengeful. An evil must be unleashed upon the world. Something so heinous, so unsufferable, that decent men everywhere will heap calumny upon my name unto the third and fourth generations. They will salt the ground where my shadow fell.
Checkit, Intrepids:
... goddamn, I do so hate Barney....
Posted by: Eric at March 29, 2006 11:08 PMyou evil bitch
Posted by: phin at March 29, 2006 11:32 PMI look at that picture and cannot help but think fondly about "Death to Smoochy"...
Death to Smoochy (2002)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0266452/
Ahhhhh, wonderful movie.
Posted by: zonker at March 29, 2006 11:39 PMThou art an ass, sir. I view this in my state of utter boredom as a gauntlet thrown, and I loves me some airborne gauntlet.
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1616/1442/320/velocipimp.jpg
C'mon, wenches. Pick it up and open up the photoshop... let's get some fun going.
Posted by: Cythen at March 30, 2006 12:26 AMI love Barney. The last bastion of sweetness.
Posted by: Bane at March 30, 2006 1:35 AMMaybe you just need an enema.
Posted by: og at March 30, 2006 1:53 AMThats it, I quit, a human can only take so much you vile semi-humanoid.....
Posted by: james old guy at March 30, 2006 7:26 AMWell, sounds like it's time to bring out the sacrificial virgin. Hey - who was in charge of her this week? Er - or should that have been a "him"? Damn it - as they say, you know what happens when one assumes...
Posted by: LauraN at March 30, 2006 7:50 AMHey Cus, sounds to me like you need more oral performed more regulary. Think you should ask the Blue Goose to stop oveer too.
Posted by: Don Jr. at March 30, 2006 9:26 AMMonkeys eat corn?
Posted by: Skwerly at March 30, 2006 2:00 PMMonkeys'll eat any damned thing they get their hairy little mitts on. Corn, bugs, beefsteak, wayward children, no matter. I try to give 'em a wide berth, especially those last hours before Feeding Time.
Posted by: Elisson at March 30, 2006 2:47 PMYou should have put a "Not Safe for Work" disclaimer on this. Sheite. Urp. Pukosity.
Posted by: Kim at March 30, 2006 4:58 PMHuh huh. huh. He put Barney in Velociworld. And he didn't even have the grace to decapitate the nauseating little guy first.
Posted by: Key at March 31, 2006 7:23 PM