March 21, 2006
AIN'T DAID JEST YET
No, Intrepids, the Velociwastrel is not dead; neither is he defunct or moribund.
He is not singing with the Choir Eternal. He has not shuffled off this Mortal Coil.
He is not an Ex-Velociman.
He has merely been gathering material for his forthcoming Magnum Opus: The Great Southern-Fried American Novel.
It will be an epic such as the publishing world - nay, the world at large! - has never seen. It will be a story told as only a Velociraconteur could tell it, packed with adventure, pathos, bathos, pestilence, purulence, sediment, sentiment, excrement, and Post-Prandial Halitosis. It will also have many Big Words.
The Novel - as yet untitled - will feature vignettes from Velociman's unassuming youth, his prepossessing puberty, his acne-ridden adolescence, leading to his taking on the mantle of Full-Fledged Adulthood in all of its perverse glory.
A rich panoply of characters awaits you in the pages of the Novel. There is the paterfamilias, that most recondite Legislator. There is Jack Squat, the Adoring Sibling. And let us not give short shrift to Pastor McPostern, who could scare the Debbil out of Chatham County with a single whack of the Testament!
There will be the requisite Puke Scene.
There will be Hot-Tubbing.
There will be Sternutation, followed by Explosive Diarrhea.
And if y'all peeps can stay with it, there may even be a little Fancy Fuckin'.
Meanwhile, fear not. The Monkey-Horde has been fed, watered, and hosed down with a 10-percentum solution of isopropanol, the better to restrain their Feces-Flinging Tendencies. And the Veloci-Dude will be back to grace these fine electroni-pages.
Eventually.
... dude... you had me right up until the end... Elisson, you bastard!.....
Posted by: Eric at March 21, 2006 10:46 PMVery good impersonation.
Can you do Dean Martin?
Dammit, you had me too. How's your James Cagney?
I'm still not buying the "working on the novel" thing. I figure he's laid up with the shakes.
Posted by: Jim - PRS at March 21, 2006 11:08 PMOh My!
Posted by: Maeve at March 22, 2006 12:10 AMWas wondering -- a book by V-man would be a real treat. Do keep us posted.
Posted by: Marianne at March 22, 2006 3:00 AMI figured you had pissed off some people in the gay Biker Bar
Posted by: GUYK at March 22, 2006 6:20 AMThe novel's a love story ain't it?
'bout how a man and his monkeys find true love on the Jax Beaches and are shunned by society.
Posted by: phin at March 22, 2006 9:16 AMThe more I read this blog, the more I feel like an extra in "Midnight In the Garden of Good & Evil".
Posted by: David K. at March 22, 2006 9:19 AMCanape anyone?
Posted by: The Maximum Leader at March 22, 2006 10:23 AMD'oh!
I didn't even realize that was NOT V-man until I read the first comment...**smacks forehead**
That was a VERY good impersonation, though.
Posted by: Skwerly at March 22, 2006 10:42 AMElisson, you've outdid the V-man hisself, in the very midst of his own splendid squalor. Well done!
Posted by: Chai-rista at March 22, 2006 10:51 AMElisson has the keys to the Velicoblog,,nothing good can come of this, or maybe it can...
Posted by: james old guy at March 22, 2006 10:58 AMOh please, quit the bullshit... he's probably off taking upskirt and downshirt pics with that cameraphone of his since I sent him the hacking directions...
Posted by: Cythen at March 22, 2006 1:03 PMWell, hell. I wuz wondering if you'd been kidnapped, or shot, by a jealous husband.
Posted by: PawPaw at March 22, 2006 4:32 PMOh no! Elisson has kidnapped V~man and is joy riding around with his sacred thesaurus! (And who knows what he's doing with those monkeys!)
Come on everybody....we must do something! Where's that whip??!
Posted by: DogsDontPurr at March 22, 2006 6:42 PMYo Dude, I am new here. What the heck is going on? You did gave me a chance to catch up on your archives.
You all know me,
Don Jr.
you see,
Hello. JMAZY2 [url=http://www.tJMAZY3.com] JMAZY3 [/url] Thanks
Posted by: JMAZY1 at January 16, 2007 3:17 PM