February 18, 2006
MY TONGUE
Look at my tongue:
Shit! I have a lot of tongue. I have way too much. I can barely pronounce words with this chunk of meat lolling around my mouth.
Do they do tongue reductions? I need one. I am genetically cursed. All I really need is the tip of it. That's where the taste buds are, right? They could carve a lot of the excess away, and I would sound more erudite.
It's a pretty tongue though, no? That's because I scrub it with Crest Whitening Expressions Extreme Herbal Mint every day.
Still, it's embarassing when I accidentally let this thing flip out of my mouth.
I've stuck this thing at steer and watched them weep. The butcher at Publix offered me $400 for it. I hate it. I want a little tongue. Anyone want to give me a little tongue?
Ask Denny.
Posted by: zonker at February 18, 2006 7:53 PMWell, as a child you would be brought forth to show your tongue to anyone your dad was visiting. His only comment was, "Boy, some day you're going to make some little girl MIGHTY happy." None of the children knew what that meant, but we all joined in the adult laughter, because we KNEW it meant something. From the looks of your tongue 40 yrs. later, he was right. Of course the "tip" may have been all you needed.
Posted by: Belinda at February 18, 2006 8:05 PMCan you lick your eyebrows with that thing?
If so, it's fine. Leave it alone.
Aheh.
Posted by: Margi at February 18, 2006 8:15 PMTongue blogging ... sheesh.
Posted by: Jim - PRS at February 18, 2006 9:10 PMRichard Simmons, watchout. I bet that big tongue has gotten you plenty pussy in the years?
Posted by: Catfish at February 18, 2006 9:13 PMWhy, I delcleah! There's not a dayum thing wrong with that tongue!
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at February 18, 2006 9:31 PMMargi, I can part my hair and wipe my ass with this thing. Should I be so inclined. It are a curse.
Posted by: Velociman at February 18, 2006 9:37 PMYou are, as they say in Dicklicksia W.Virginia
....one fick suck.
You just started a meme with me. I'ma take a pick of my Kiss-esque tongue as well.
Yet another thing inherited.
Posted by: Cythen at February 19, 2006 2:49 AM.. damn, brother... put that thing away....
Posted by: Eric at February 19, 2006 9:14 AMIt's blue!
Posted by: rankin' rob at February 19, 2006 10:12 AMSo tell me... You really wrote this whole piece just to set up the request in the last line. I see the double meaning there. You're a crafty one.
Posted by: The Maximum Leader at February 19, 2006 11:22 AMLooks like a damn whale penis.
Posted by: Bane at February 19, 2006 1:52 PMNow, let's see you roll it into a (longitudinal) tube.
The ability to do that is hereditary, y'know. About the only thing I remember from HS Biology....
Posted by: Grumpy Old Ham at February 19, 2006 2:14 PMyou could become a fav at show and tell!
Posted by: Pramila at February 19, 2006 3:52 PMShow off!
Posted by: Dash at February 19, 2006 3:54 PMI was expecting something...forked.
Posted by: kelley at February 19, 2006 5:50 PMDamn, your tongue is thicker than your neck!
We have GOT to do something about that southern gene pond, it is mighty shallow.....
Posted by: pedro at February 19, 2006 6:07 PMAnd your wife...what does she think of a tongue reduction? Maybe if you worked it out a little more it'd get smaller...
Posted by: Lisa at February 19, 2006 7:05 PMJust for clarity, I do believe that Catfish meant 'Gene Simmons', and not 'Richard Simmons.' If not, I would dearly like to know how Catfish knows what Richard Simmons' tongue looks like.
Posted by: Rube at February 19, 2006 8:08 PMLawdy I hope Rube is right... I expect to see hemoroids tomorrow. And talk of their reduction as well. Nothin' suprises me 'round these parts anymore.
Maybe that was a hemoroid stickin' out... he said it was a tongue though.
And you called ME a freak because of my overlarge scrotum. Mutant.
Posted by: og at February 19, 2006 10:31 PMI got my Simmons fucked up. The one that played with KISS. Fuck you Rube.
Posted by: Catfish at February 19, 2006 11:13 PMI'm on the floor and my legs are ******. Do with me what ever you ****. Mmmmmmm. Nice tongue.....
Posted by: DogsDontPurr at February 20, 2006 1:16 AMGood one, Kelley. ;-)
Posted by: sadie at February 20, 2006 3:12 AMI dunno, you better check with your wife. Having a tongue reduction just might be grounds for divorce, eh?
Posted by: Kelly at February 20, 2006 8:20 AMI bet you can tickle the navel from inside?
Posted by: Catfish at February 20, 2006 11:46 AMI've seen smaller tongues than that at the meat counter in Bohack's.
Posted by: Elisson at February 20, 2006 9:21 PMMoo!
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Posted by: eman at August 18, 2006 5:21 AMfuck shit motherfucker
me tongue is the size of a train
and my penis is the size of a whale =]