Velociworld

HUMBLED, BUT EVEN

I received a crossword puzzle via email from Key today, so maybe somebody was paying attention.

Of course, the gist of the email was to disabuse me of my skill sets. Like Mozart to Salieri, she was saying Not bad for a rookie, but this is how it's done. She was mocking the crude nature of the puzzle spewed out by that cheap, free, autistic software I used. She did hers by hand.

"Well," I replied, "that's a pretty fancy crossword there. How's about you let me write the clues? Being as, you know, you took me to school on making crossword puzzles, maybe I can show you how to write a clue."

Not my finest moment. The reply was terse, but she committed to the endeavor. And so, this:



ACROSS

1. Has an accident with Daddy's car
7. Paunchy, bald actor Reynolds, often whispered to be HIV positive
11. Nice words said only after one dies. Never before
12. Vile mucus your nose manufactures
13. What one should do when standing to urinate
14. Nashville Airport code. No one knows why
16. Herbie from Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer is one of these
17. Have sex in the Biblical sense
19. Dastardly, debased
21. That guy over thar
23. 12-______ Program (rehab)
24. Compel; place a burden on; otherwise fuck with
28. She was ________ 13, officer?? No shit??
29. " I had him whacked for 15 ________. Worth every penny of it."
30. School group where parents vent their anger
31. Stool pigeon; squealer
32. Acronym meaning "heads up". Boreasses begin emails with it
34. Join together. This word is not in the Democratic lexicon
36. Initials meaning "step off, bitch." We've all used it
37. Author Ferber no one reads, but a crossword staple
38. Chick with glasses on "WKRP" sitcom. Hotter than Loni, but smaller breasts

DOWN
1. Pussified; not strong
2. Destroy, annihilate, Afghanistaninate
3. Muppet with tickle fetish
4. Military officer in charge of a base, often alcoholic
5. Old Soviet spy agency; enablers of the Evil Empire
6. 'N _______: talentless boy band we'd all rather forget
7. Undergraduate degree; also, what comes out of a bovine's ass
8. Not exciting, boring. Ref my blogroll
9. Way to spice up your sex life while getting to wear a cop uniform
10. Girly acronym meaning "See you later"
15. ____ poetica (Hey! I work with what I'm given)
18. What helicopter rotors do if they are working properly
20. Over; above. Think missionary position
22. Edie wants one, in a John Waters film. Hint: she's in a playpen
25. Lacking taste, mild. See my blogroll
26. Language of the pagan Roman Empire. It's daid now
27. Finless fish, looka like a snake. Asians eat this shit with relish
31. Regret. What one enjoyed, but hated getting caught at
33. Frigid, knee-locked. See ibid 5th year of marriage
35. Part of 10 Down. Figure it out
36. Fee-___-Fo-Fum! I smell the blood of Elmer Fudd!

Have fun.

UPDATE: The minx outfoxed me! Or the fox outminxed me. Whatever. A Blogger Crossword! Wish I'da thunka that.