Velociworld

I GET A BAD RAP

My slightly akilter sense of humor leaves most people thinking I'm a complete nimrod. When in actuality I am a teddy bear. Ask anyone who knows me. A dangerously under/over medicated teddy bear, with a hand cranked razorcock in his trunk, but technically just that. Hirsute. Malodorous. See?

Take poor Cythen. I'd put her on the blogroll a while back, because she's a faithful and frequent commenter, unlike some I will not name, but you know who you are. The hairs are rising on the nape of your neck as I mutter Moldavian curses under my breath.

Anyway, Cythen didn't realize she'd been on the roll because she was looking for her website name when in fact I'd linked her as Cythen. And apparently my blogroll was as boring to her as an actuarial table.

Anyway, now she's a bit concerned I will yank her pigtails, or somehow degrade her with my rapier cudgel-like wit. Pshaw. I only pick on the females when I have a real sweetgum ball up my ass, which ain't too often. Though it has been known to happen. I prefer the sharp crack of the verbal towel in the cyber locker room. I like to make big boys cry in shame. Something obviously fucked up in my gender-molding youth.

Rest easy, Cythen. The Big Bad Velociboogieman isn't coming after you. Hell, you're my first official blogchild, especially since Acidman didn't claim paternity when we were bandied about as donors. And this is the first time anyone has ever claimed to have started blogging because of me. 76 have quit, but that is an honorific I don't play up too much.