Velociworld

A GIFT OF FREAKS

Green is the color of envy. And I know my Intrepids will be envious of me now. That's why you're seeing green. Either that or you're having a myocardial infarction. Better chew an aspirin, just in case.

I received the above in the mail today from Eric. American Sideshow. A lavish compendium of sideshow freaks. Rawk. Eric knows my fetish for the freakish, the deformed, the pitiful genetic misfire, the hideously malfigured. Hell, anyone who reads this blog knows that. It is one of the few ways I am able to remind myself of my innate superiority.

Although I've often wondered about the size of the Elephant Man's schvance. Just from a technical, glance at the guy at the urinal next to you sort of way, of course.

Actually, I was brokebacked of that habit a few years ago, when, as I was copping a wizz at the corporate porcelain, a shadow fell across the bathroom. Hell, thinks I. How can you have a solar eclipse in the shitter? But, as I glanced over, it turned out a coworker had a cock that would put a tapir to shame. That guy was fucking deformed. He could put that thing in a girl and barely touch her nipples with his fingertips. Damned freak. I'm surprised he isn't in this book as Ellroy the Tapir Cocked Halfbreed. I've hated that bastard ever since.

Anyway, I have great friends from blogworld. I don't deserve them. The bad thing is, though, they deserve me. I think they were evildoers in a previous life, and must suffer penance in this life through association with me.

Suck it up, peeps. Suck it up. I'm not going anywhere.