January 25, 2006
PHENOMENAUSEUM
New word. I have to cobble them together because everyone else is too lazy to make them up for me.
This is the phenomenon of something that makes you turn your head and yak a little of the partial digested.
Like Quizzes. The only Quiz I ever liked was a groundskeeper in Stanley Elkin's The Living End, who carried on a hateful discussion with a hooligan who'd been buried under his high school stadium turf.
So I experience the phenomenauseum when I see too many quizzes in the bloggrok. And the same ones.
* Ten instances where I insert my name where earth, or balloons, or scrotum should be.
* I am a car.
* My mother is a fish.
I have a quiz for you:
Ten Reasons Why My Blog Sucks (Hint: answer number one: I post too many fucking quizzes).
You need Content? Brain matter? A Muse?
Contact me. My rates are steep, but I'm very, very good.
The results of the quiz didn't flatter you?
Posted by: james old guy at January 26, 2006 8:39 AM.. ha ha... fuck you..
Posted by: Eric at January 26, 2006 8:40 AMYakkity yak.
Posted by: zonker at January 26, 2006 8:52 AMMy rates are steep, but I'm very, very good.
Don't forget humble.
Really if I had to come up with a one word descriptor of the great Velociman it'd definitely be humility.
Posted by: phin at January 26, 2006 9:19 AMYou're just jealous because I am a Corvette, something you can never be. Got Mazda, huh. Stings, I know.
Posted by: Bane at January 26, 2006 10:11 AMThe obvious impetus for this phenomenauseum of quizzes (See? Your word hard at work already.) is that most of us blog writers don't have the natural ability to suck people in with our writing, so we attempt to establish some kind of rapport and common ground by virtue of a quiz, in the miserable hope that someone will drop by our blog a second time, or even a third.
You don't have that problem.
Posted by: Skwerly at January 26, 2006 11:09 AMI got the Porche 911. Sleek, sexy, yet can still tear it up.
And your blog sucks because it does not swallow. That's some word association f'yer ass.
Let's hear some war stories on the corporate front.
Posted by: Cythen at January 26, 2006 6:47 PM10 reasons why your blog sucks:
1) You write it.
2) You write it only when roaring drunk.
3) You brag about "girth," but your penis is only 2" long.
4) Nobody likes you.
5) YOU suck!
6) If you declared jihad against the Taliban, I'd root for the Taliban.
7) You once took an internet quiz that said wonderful things about everyone else who took it, but told YOU that "you smell like the unfiltered vapors from a cess pool."
8) You've hated internet quizzes ever since.
9) You walk like a faggot with a sore ass.
10) You once had sex with a cat. A MALE cat.
Posted by: Acidman at January 26, 2006 10:04 PM
Holy damn, you got TOLD.
Posted by: Cythen at January 26, 2006 10:06 PMAll true except for 2 and 3, Acidman. Stone cold sober when I wrote that, and well, don't make me post a pic.
Posted by: Velociman at January 26, 2006 10:16 PMWhere can I find this car quiz? A quiz addressing headlights, rear flashers and junk in the trunk?...You prolly wrote it. Fess up.
Posted by: Key at January 27, 2006 4:20 PM"Veloci-Who"?
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