January 18, 2006
WHAT DO I DO?
If you were to ask me what I do for a living I could honestly say, "I have no fucking idea." Because if it is winter, it is time for another reorganization. Which means consultants are brought in, and human resources facilitates, and after 40 meetings and $500,000 they come up with the same game plan they always do: they write everyone's name on a piece of paper and toss it into the air, like confetti on VJ day, and let it settle upon a Twister board that has job titles Scotch-taped on it.
And trust me: the job titles that say things like Big Fucking Overcompensated Stud Hoss are not on that board. Secretary is, though.
So what do I do? I don't know. Actually, I do. I twiddle my thumbs and work sudoku puzzles, in limbo, like everyone else. Productivity quotient? Zilcha.
I guess by the end of the week I may know what I do for a living, besides fellate the corporate peccary. Until then I don't know. Although I have had all my customers call the Big Boys and tell them I am the Czar Bomba. Knight him!
In the meantime I am locked in sudokus, and convinced my weekly deposits in the suggestion box to make Velociman Director of Grift will go unheeded, as usual.
You could always go postal.
Posted by: rankin' rob at January 18, 2006 9:29 PMSince you don't know what you do, it stands to reason that your bosses don't either. Although this could be a dangerous situation, you can turn it to your advantage by firing them all tomorrow; they probably won't know any better.
Posted by: Jack Straw at January 18, 2006 11:11 PMHead Sodoku Devinee has a nice ring to it.
I also like:
Major Task Adjuster in charge of Fiscal Responsibility
Lead Controlling Officer of Public Information
CSO--Chief Sodoku Officer
It has been my experience that the nitwit who orders the cards will put whatever title you enter into said field on said card.
Posted by: bedamned at January 19, 2006 8:01 AMFrom your numerous glory tales about various business dinners, I can only assume you are in a marketing department of some sort. Sent forth by the bigwigs to lube your clients with expensive booze and lamb before applying the squeeze. Given your gift with the word, I can imagine you are quite successful.
Posted by: Cythen at January 19, 2006 12:47 PMA sudoku addiction, eh? I seem to recall sending you a link to a really good puzzle site a few months back....is this the fruit of my efforts? Damn, I really feel like I accomplished something.
Posted by: zonker at January 19, 2006 10:07 PMYou're not a peddler? You simply must be---you're my Godhead.
Posted by: Scott Chaffin at January 19, 2006 10:22 PMFamiliar Territory for us Corporate Salt Mine Types, you betcha.
The rule is, "Everything Old Shall Be New Again." Especially if it was stupid to begin with.
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Posted by: eman at August 18, 2006 5:33 AM